1
00:00:01,638 --> 00:00:04,173
[♪ Marvel Studios fanfare playing]
2
00:00:23,903 --> 00:00:25,937
[Deadpool scatting along]
♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
3
00:00:25,970 --> 00:00:28,471
♪ Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ♪
4
00:00:28,504 --> 00:00:30,304
♪ Tan tan ta ♪
5
00:00:30,337 --> 00:00:31,669
♪ Tan tan tan tan ♪
6
00:00:31,702 --> 00:00:33,071
♪ Tan tan ta tan ♪
7
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- ♪ Tan tan tan tan! ♪
- [♪ fanfare concludes]
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[laughs] That logo music
just gets you pumped.
9
00:00:38,003 --> 00:00:39,602
- [♪ gentle music playing]
- Right?
10
00:00:39,636 --> 00:00:42,702
I'm sorry. I just, I'm excited
to be here. It's been a while.
11
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You know, for a long time,
12
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I wasn't sure I'd ever be back.
13
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Disney bought Fox,
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there was a whole
boring rights issue,
15
00:00:48,602 --> 00:00:49,736
blabbity-blabbity-blah.
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00:00:49,769 --> 00:00:52,668
But then, it turned out,
they wanted me.
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The one guy who shouldn't
even have his own movie,
18
00:00:55,370 --> 00:00:56,869
much less a franchise.
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[laughs] Marvel's so stupid.
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Look, we know the title
of this thing.
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00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:03,868
So, I know
what you're wondering.
22
00:01:03,902 --> 00:01:05,035
How are we gonna do this
23
00:01:05,069 --> 00:01:08,436
without dishonoring
Logan's memory?
24
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:09,835
And I'll tell you how.
25
00:01:10,601 --> 00:01:11,834
We're not.
26
00:01:11,867 --> 00:01:13,567
[♪ romantic music plays,
The Platters "Only You"]
27
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I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
28
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Wolverine is not dead.
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Sure, it made for a perfect
ending to a very sad story.
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But that's not how
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regenerative healing
factors work.
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You think I wanna be out here
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in beautiful downtown
North Dakota,
34
00:01:28,069 --> 00:01:31,268
digging up the one and only
Wolverine? No, thank you.
35
00:01:31,301 --> 00:01:33,866
But the fate of
my entire world is at stake.
36
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,368
He may not
be living his best life,
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but he sure as hell ain't
38
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- dead.
- [metal clanks]
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[crow cawing in distance]
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Bingo.
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Yahtzee.
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[sighs]
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Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
44
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Damn it!
45
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- Son of a bitch!
- [metal clangs]
46
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:04,799
You...
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00:02:04,832 --> 00:02:06,699
- [shovel snaps]
- [yelling]
48
00:02:06,733 --> 00:02:10,033
Christ. Motherfucker!
49
00:02:10,067 --> 00:02:11,698
- My world is fuck...
- [♪ song stops]
50
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[laughs, snorts]
That was weird.
51
00:02:14,664 --> 00:02:15,898
I'm much calmer now.
52
00:02:15,932 --> 00:02:17,399
[♪ The Platter "Only You"
resumes playing]
53
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Look, I'm not a man of science.
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But you seem
incredibly passed away.
55
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[flies buzzing]
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[sighs]
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But it's good to see ya.
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00:02:28,266 --> 00:02:31,498
I gotta be honest, I've always
wanted to ride with you, Log.
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You and me getting into it.
60
00:02:32,864 --> 00:02:36,596
Deadpool and Wolverine
just fuckin' shit up.
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Can you imagine the fun,
the chaos...
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the residuals?
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[in Australian accent]
"G'day, mate.
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"There's nothing that'll
bring me back to life faster
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"than a big bag
of Marvel cash."
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[chuckles, in normal tone]
Me too, Hugh.
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But, no. No, no, no.
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[groans] You had to get
all noble and die for real.
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Goddamn it!
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00:03:01,497 --> 00:03:03,762
I could really use
your help right now.
71
00:03:04,530 --> 00:03:06,064
[electrical whirring]
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[♪ tense music playing]
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Wait!
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I'm warning you, I'm not alone.
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00:03:18,530 --> 00:03:20,729
Wade Winston Wilson,
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00:03:20,762 --> 00:03:23,229
you are under arrest by
the Time Variance Authority...
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[Deadpool sniffs] Oof.
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...for too many crimes
to list.
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- Come out...
- [Deadpool groans]
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...and we'll extend you
the courtesy
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- of taking you in one piece.
- Death by day-player.
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00:03:30,463 --> 00:03:31,694
Last chance.
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00:03:31,728 --> 00:03:32,962
Throw out your weapons
84
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- and come out peacefully.
- [Deadpool sighs]
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[Deadpool] I'm not gonna
give you my weapons,
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but I promise not to use them.
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There are two hundred and six
bones in the human body.
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Two hundred and seven
if I'm watching Gossip Girl.
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[♪ pop music playing,
*NSYNC "Bye Bye Bye"]
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- Here we go. Maximum effort.
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪
91
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[♪ song stops]
92
00:03:53,327 --> 00:03:55,394
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
93
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Okay, peanut.
94
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Guess we're getting
that team-up after all.
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- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
96
00:04:06,127 --> 00:04:06,960
[grunts]
97
00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:09,461
♪ I'm doing this tonight ♪
98
00:04:09,494 --> 00:04:11,394
♪ You're probably gonna
start a fight ♪
99
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[screaming]
100
00:04:12,494 --> 00:04:14,860
♪ I know this can't be right ♪
101
00:04:14,894 --> 00:04:17,792
♪ Hey, baby, come on ♪
102
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♪ I loved you endlessly ♪
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♪ When you weren't
there for me ♪
104
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♪ So now it's time to leave
and make it alone ♪
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♪ I know that
I can't take no more ♪
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[smooches]
107
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[exhales]
108
00:04:34,459 --> 00:04:37,259
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
109
00:04:37,292 --> 00:04:39,558
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
110
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♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
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♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
112
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♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
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- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
114
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♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
115
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:56,191
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I've had enough ♪
116
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♪ It might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
117
00:04:59,723 --> 00:05:02,657
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
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00:05:03,657 --> 00:05:06,258
♪ Just hit me with the truth ♪
119
00:05:06,291 --> 00:05:08,191
♪ Now, girl, you're more
than welcome to ♪
120
00:05:08,224 --> 00:05:10,091
Maradona from outside the box!
121
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Goal!
122
00:05:13,391 --> 00:05:14,723
♪ Baby, come on ♪
123
00:05:14,757 --> 00:05:17,990
♪ I know that
I can't take no more ♪
124
00:05:18,023 --> 00:05:20,090
- ♪ It ain't no lie ♪
- [both yelling]
125
00:05:20,123 --> 00:05:23,257
♪ I wanna see you
out that door ♪
126
00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,623
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
127
00:05:25,656 --> 00:05:27,856
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
128
00:05:27,890 --> 00:05:31,190
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
129
00:05:31,223 --> 00:05:34,390
♪ You may hate me,
but it ain't no lie ♪
130
00:05:34,424 --> 00:05:36,790
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
131
00:05:36,823 --> 00:05:38,989
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
132
00:05:39,022 --> 00:05:42,190
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
133
00:05:42,223 --> 00:05:45,588
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
134
00:05:45,622 --> 00:05:48,189
♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
135
00:05:51,622 --> 00:05:54,922
♪ I don't wanna be your fool ♪
136
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,621
♪ In this game for two ♪
137
00:05:57,654 --> 00:06:00,188
♪ So I'm leavin' you behind ♪
138
00:06:00,221 --> 00:06:01,922
Come on, big fella.
139
00:06:01,955 --> 00:06:03,722
♪ Bye, bye, bye, yeah ♪
140
00:06:03,755 --> 00:06:06,288
♪ I don't wanna
make it tough ♪
141
00:06:06,321 --> 00:06:08,788
♪ But I've had enough ♪
142
00:06:08,821 --> 00:06:12,056
- ♪ And it ain't no lie ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
143
00:06:12,089 --> 00:06:13,055
♪ Baby ♪
144
00:06:13,088 --> 00:06:15,055
♪ Don't wanna be
a fool for you ♪
145
00:06:15,088 --> 00:06:17,021
♪ Just another player
in your game for two ♪
146
00:06:17,055 --> 00:06:21,821
♪ I don't wanna be your fool,
but it ain't no lie ♪
147
00:06:21,854 --> 00:06:24,121
- ♪ Baby, bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
148
00:06:24,155 --> 00:06:25,988
♪ Don't really wanna
make it tough ♪
149
00:06:26,021 --> 00:06:29,652
♪ I just wanna tell you
that I had enough ♪
150
00:06:29,686 --> 00:06:33,120
♪ Might sound crazy,
but it ain't no lie ♪
151
00:06:33,154 --> 00:06:35,454
- ♪ Bye, bye, bye ♪
- ♪ Bye, bye ♪
152
00:06:35,487 --> 00:06:37,320
- [♪ song ends]
- [gasps dramatically]
153
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:39,720
[♪ operatic music playing]
154
00:06:40,486 --> 00:06:43,020
I am soaking wet right now.
155
00:06:44,387 --> 00:06:46,020
[roars]
156
00:06:46,054 --> 00:06:48,119
To be clear, I'm not proud
of any of this.
157
00:06:48,153 --> 00:06:51,253
The wanton violence,
the whiff of necrophilia.
158
00:06:51,286 --> 00:06:52,386
It isn't who I am.
159
00:06:52,420 --> 00:06:53,987
It isn't who I wanna be.
160
00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:55,053
Who I wanna be?
161
00:06:55,086 --> 00:06:57,119
Well, to help you
understand that,
162
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I've gotta take you back.
163
00:06:58,219 --> 00:07:00,886
A little joyride I took
through space and time,
164
00:07:00,919 --> 00:07:03,852
to the day
that changed everything.
165
00:07:03,886 --> 00:07:05,986
[♪ uptempo music building]
166
00:07:13,252 --> 00:07:14,685
[♪ music fades out]
167
00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,452
I can't believe
I'm finally here.
168
00:07:17,485 --> 00:07:20,184
I've waited for this moment
for so long.
169
00:07:21,384 --> 00:07:23,751
Thank you, sir, for seeing me.
170
00:07:24,519 --> 00:07:26,550
I... I firmly believe
171
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:27,918
that my services could be of
172
00:07:27,951 --> 00:07:29,917
great use to your organization.
173
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,117
Now, I know
174
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,418
I was caught smashturbating
in the lobby of Stark Tower,
175
00:07:33,451 --> 00:07:34,718
- but I can assure you that...
- Smashturbating?
176
00:07:34,751 --> 00:07:36,051
I'm sorry, what...
what was that?
177
00:07:36,084 --> 00:07:39,549
No, I'm sorry. That...
That's when you get those toy,
178
00:07:39,582 --> 00:07:40,850
Hulk hands, right?
179
00:07:40,884 --> 00:07:43,550
And then you just, you look
down, and you just...
180
00:07:43,583 --> 00:07:46,151
you brace yourself,
and you ravage the midsection.
181
00:07:46,184 --> 00:07:47,884
- Pinch the... Yeah. Okay.
- I get it. Okay, thank you.
182
00:07:47,917 --> 00:07:49,817
- The picture's painted.
- You get the gist.
183
00:07:49,850 --> 00:07:52,283
Uh, what exactly
brings you here today?
184
00:07:52,316 --> 00:07:55,483
Why am I... Wow. Okay. Uh...
185
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,016
I... I care.
186
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:59,983
I know I turn everything
into a joke, but I...
187
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,749
I care, and I wanna use
that feeling...
188
00:08:05,582 --> 00:08:07,983
for something important.
189
00:08:08,016 --> 00:08:09,315
I... I wanna matter.
190
00:08:09,349 --> 00:08:11,982
[♪ solemn music playing]
191
00:08:12,015 --> 00:08:13,982
I need to show my girl
that I matter.
192
00:08:15,282 --> 00:08:16,783
And...
193
00:08:16,816 --> 00:08:18,082
You know,
I feel like I'm wasting
194
00:08:18,115 --> 00:08:18,948
the good stuff here.
195
00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:20,515
Is the man not gonna
be joining us?
196
00:08:20,547 --> 00:08:21,581
- The man?
- Yeah.
197
00:08:21,615 --> 00:08:23,748
I should save this
if he's gonna...
198
00:08:23,782 --> 00:08:25,782
Uh, as far as you're concerned
right now, I'm the man.
199
00:08:25,815 --> 00:08:27,448
- No.
- The man is me.
200
00:08:27,481 --> 00:08:30,448
I am the man
in this circumstance.
201
00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:31,681
- Mm.
- He doesn't do
202
00:08:31,715 --> 00:08:33,281
this kind of thing anymore.
203
00:08:33,314 --> 00:08:34,348
- Cameos?
- Meetings.
204
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,015
- Meetings.
- Entry-level meetings.
205
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:36,882
Entry-level?
206
00:08:36,915 --> 00:08:38,914
Aren't you the chauffeur...
207
00:08:38,947 --> 00:08:41,214
- maybe?
- I... Common misconception.
208
00:08:41,248 --> 00:08:42,580
- Okay.
- I did begin my career
209
00:08:42,614 --> 00:08:44,380
as Mr. Stark's driver.
210
00:08:44,414 --> 00:08:45,448
- Okay.
- Quickly pivoted to...
211
00:08:45,481 --> 00:08:46,981
- Chauffeur.
- ...the Head of Security.
212
00:08:47,014 --> 00:08:48,981
The Head of...
Of course, yes, yes, yes.
213
00:08:49,014 --> 00:08:52,013
And why I am vetting
your resume.
214
00:08:52,047 --> 00:08:54,414
You seem to have left out
whether or not you had
215
00:08:54,447 --> 00:08:56,148
any experience
as a member of a team.
216
00:08:56,181 --> 00:08:57,014
Could you maybe add
217
00:08:57,048 --> 00:08:58,280
a little bit
of perspective there?
218
00:08:58,313 --> 00:09:00,713
Oh. No, yes, of course.
I was Special Forces...
219
00:09:00,746 --> 00:09:01,780
- Okay.
- ...but I was...
220
00:09:01,813 --> 00:09:03,446
Mainly, I was team leader...
221
00:09:03,479 --> 00:09:04,746
founder, really, of X-Force.
222
00:09:04,780 --> 00:09:06,713
Sadly, they... they all
perished in action though.
223
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,080
Oh. How exactly
did that happen?
224
00:09:08,113 --> 00:09:10,312
Well, the police say gravity,
but if...
225
00:09:10,346 --> 00:09:11,813
Just between us,
they didn't test well
226
00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:13,312
- in the focus group.
- I see.
227
00:09:13,346 --> 00:09:15,046
- Particularly Cable.
- X-Force.
228
00:09:15,079 --> 00:09:15,946
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
229
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:17,013
Look, I can see
this isn't going well.
230
00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:18,514
Please stop writing.
Look, I... I...
231
00:09:18,546 --> 00:09:20,613
I'm just...
I wanna be an Avenger.
232
00:09:22,212 --> 00:09:24,012
I wanna be an Avenger.
233
00:09:25,746 --> 00:09:27,645
Why do you wanna be an Avenger?
234
00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:29,212
Look around you.
I mean, they're the...
235
00:09:29,246 --> 00:09:30,645
they're the best of the best.
236
00:09:30,678 --> 00:09:32,712
And... And what
they do matters.
237
00:09:32,745 --> 00:09:35,145
I need to be an Avenger.
238
00:09:35,178 --> 00:09:37,612
Sir, my girl has kinda
had it with my shtick,
239
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:38,945
and I... if I don't, you know,
240
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:41,778
turn things around and
do something with my "gifts,"
241
00:09:41,811 --> 00:09:43,544
I don't think it's gonna
really work out for me,
242
00:09:43,577 --> 00:09:44,978
and I wouldn't blame her.
243
00:09:46,111 --> 00:09:50,411
Avengers are a very unique
group of superheroes
244
00:09:50,444 --> 00:09:51,644
that stand for something
245
00:09:51,677 --> 00:09:54,310
more than just fighting
and wearing costumes.
246
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:57,577
I mean, people look up to us.
Kids look up to us.
247
00:09:57,611 --> 00:09:58,811
- They...
- I'm sorry. "Us"?
248
00:09:58,844 --> 00:10:01,512
I wasn't aware
that you were an Avenger.
249
00:10:01,544 --> 00:10:02,576
Avengers-adjacent, technically.
250
00:10:02,610 --> 00:10:03,977
Oh, wow.
What's your superpower?
251
00:10:04,010 --> 00:10:06,644
Is it parallel parking?
I am so sorry.
252
00:10:06,677 --> 00:10:07,977
That was cruel.
253
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:10,410
I lash out when I'm nervous.
Won't happen again.
254
00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:11,777
- Let's cut to the chase.
- Please.
255
00:10:11,810 --> 00:10:13,376
You just said moments ago
256
00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:15,742
that you wanted to be
an Avenger because
257
00:10:16,343 --> 00:10:17,910
you need it.
258
00:10:17,943 --> 00:10:18,977
Yes, sir, I do.
259
00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,576
But the Avengers
don't do the job
260
00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:22,043
because they need it.
261
00:10:22,076 --> 00:10:24,209
They do the job
because people need them.
262
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,910
Do you see the distinction?
263
00:10:28,543 --> 00:10:30,109
Yes, sir.
264
00:10:30,976 --> 00:10:32,510
Please, Mr. Hogan.
265
00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:33,709
I don't wanna spend
the rest of my life
266
00:10:33,742 --> 00:10:35,941
like an annoying one-trick pony.
267
00:10:38,842 --> 00:10:39,842
All right.
268
00:10:40,675 --> 00:10:42,443
Oh, my God, you're standing.
269
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:43,975
Yeah, now's the time
that we stand.
270
00:10:44,008 --> 00:10:44,841
Damn it.
271
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:46,442
Now, the problem
might be that you're
272
00:10:46,475 --> 00:10:48,875
reaching a little...
little too high.
273
00:10:48,908 --> 00:10:51,475
Aim for the middle,
and you'll never miss.
274
00:10:51,509 --> 00:10:52,674
Right?
I think you got a good heart.
275
00:10:52,708 --> 00:10:54,608
I believe what you're saying.
276
00:10:54,641 --> 00:10:56,241
But not everybody's
the world-saving type.
277
00:10:56,274 --> 00:10:57,941
I'm not, and I'm happy.
278
00:10:58,509 --> 00:11:00,274
Right? I found my place.
279
00:11:01,141 --> 00:11:02,541
Find your place.
280
00:11:03,442 --> 00:11:05,540
All right? Get back out there.
281
00:11:05,573 --> 00:11:07,140
- We'll keep an eye on you.
- Okay.
282
00:11:07,173 --> 00:11:08,174
Good luck.
283
00:11:09,307 --> 00:11:11,874
- [Wade Wilson] Mm. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
284
00:11:11,907 --> 00:11:14,508
Fetch the car.
I wanna hit Shake Shack.
285
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,073
Rejection makes me hungy.
286
00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:18,607
- No, no. Please.
- No?
287
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:20,240
- Yeah, no, no, no.
- Okay.
288
00:11:20,273 --> 00:11:21,540
Okay, thank you.
289
00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,173
[Deadpool]
You know what they say.
290
00:11:25,206 --> 00:11:26,706
When one door closes,
291
00:11:27,739 --> 00:11:29,508
your locker at work opens.
292
00:11:29,540 --> 00:11:31,873
[♪ rousing music playing]
293
00:11:32,606 --> 00:11:34,040
[stapling]
294
00:11:39,306 --> 00:11:40,606
Now let's go sell some certified
295
00:11:40,639 --> 00:11:42,340
pre-owned vehicles, motherfu...
296
00:11:42,373 --> 00:11:43,572
[♪ music stops]
297
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:47,872
Technically, the...
the Carnival's not a minivan.
298
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,105
It's an MPV.
299
00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:52,671
So how does the Kia compare
to the Honda Odyssey?
300
00:11:52,705 --> 00:11:54,172
The Odyssey?
That's a great question.
301
00:11:54,205 --> 00:11:56,304
- Um, it doesn't fucking suck.
- [boy snickers]
302
00:11:56,339 --> 00:11:58,838
You know, you can answer
the question without swearing.
303
00:11:58,872 --> 00:12:01,506
I'm sorry, Tammy, I don't...
I don't have kids.
304
00:12:01,538 --> 00:12:03,304
Not that I haven't
dreamt of that,
305
00:12:03,339 --> 00:12:05,571
but I don't have
a lot of vaginal sex.
306
00:12:08,737 --> 00:12:09,938
[Peter] You'll get 'em
next time, pal.
307
00:12:09,972 --> 00:12:11,038
- [Wade] Yeah.
- [Peter] And look,
308
00:12:11,071 --> 00:12:12,771
you can always go back
to superhero-ing.
309
00:12:12,804 --> 00:12:15,537
I mean, I know I'd like
to see you back in the suit.
310
00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:18,203
I don't keep it in my locker
so that I can wear it.
311
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,871
I keep it in my locker in case
we need to saddle up again.
312
00:12:20,904 --> 00:12:24,070
Hey, hey, hey.
What is that doing in there?
313
00:12:24,103 --> 00:12:25,203
I'm done.
314
00:12:26,970 --> 00:12:27,970
I'm done.
315
00:12:28,770 --> 00:12:30,771
And I'm fine with being done.
316
00:12:30,804 --> 00:12:32,604
Look, is sales the best match?
317
00:12:32,637 --> 00:12:34,070
Probably not.
318
00:12:34,103 --> 00:12:37,870
Is this the life that I always
imagined for myself? Fuck no.
319
00:12:37,903 --> 00:12:41,003
But this is the right fit
for me, Sugar Bear, it is.
320
00:12:41,037 --> 00:12:42,636
Okay, Mr. Wilson.
321
00:12:42,669 --> 00:12:44,370
I'm just saying, once a month,
322
00:12:44,404 --> 00:12:46,470
we could go on a little mission.
323
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:49,302
We're human beings.
We crave purpose.
324
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:50,970
After all, we're Deadpool.
325
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:53,603
Please stop saying that.
We're not Deadpool.
326
00:12:53,636 --> 00:12:55,902
I'm not even Deadpool anymore.
327
00:12:55,935 --> 00:12:58,802
Well, if you're gonna have
a midlife crisis, go big.
328
00:12:58,835 --> 00:13:00,769
A few years ago,
a friend of mine
329
00:13:00,802 --> 00:13:03,069
got his nipples pierced
with a titanium chain
330
00:13:03,102 --> 00:13:06,369
that goes down and attaches
to his Van Johnson.
331
00:13:06,403 --> 00:13:07,634
[camera clicking]
332
00:13:10,403 --> 00:13:12,403
Are... Are you feeling
grumplestiltskin
333
00:13:12,436 --> 00:13:13,868
'cause it's your birthday?
334
00:13:15,436 --> 00:13:16,634
What?
335
00:13:17,301 --> 00:13:18,301
No.
336
00:13:19,335 --> 00:13:20,535
No.
337
00:13:23,734 --> 00:13:25,734
- Surprise!
- [♪ hip-hop music plays]
338
00:13:25,768 --> 00:13:28,268
Hey, you guys are lucky
I'm not armed.
339
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:30,034
Get in here.
340
00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:32,468
If this were six years ago,
you'd all be dead.
341
00:13:32,502 --> 00:13:34,268
So then, he gets out of the cab,
342
00:13:34,301 --> 00:13:35,435
and you will not believe it.
343
00:13:35,468 --> 00:13:37,434
I turn around,
and what do I find?
344
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,133
- AirPods. His AirPods.
- His AirPods!
345
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:40,367
- Come on.
- Crazy story.
346
00:13:40,401 --> 00:13:43,100
- Every time. Come on.
- [laughing] Every single time.
347
00:13:43,867 --> 00:13:45,134
[Wade sighs]
348
00:13:45,166 --> 00:13:46,600
Make any sales today?
349
00:13:46,633 --> 00:13:48,033
You know I didn't.
350
00:13:48,066 --> 00:13:49,799
Did you sell
any dreamcatchers on Etsy
351
00:13:49,832 --> 00:13:51,467
or whatever it is that you do?
352
00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:53,166
Our rent's due
in three days, Wade.
353
00:13:53,199 --> 00:13:54,501
I can't keep carrying you.
354
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,133
Relax. I have the money.
355
00:13:56,166 --> 00:13:58,665
I sold some old
blood pressure medication
356
00:13:58,699 --> 00:13:59,966
I found lying around.
357
00:13:59,998 --> 00:14:01,633
You tryin' to kill me,
motherfucker?
358
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:03,334
I'm not the one
dousing everything in salt,
359
00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:05,799
- motherfucker.
- I pray every day
360
00:14:05,832 --> 00:14:07,832
that fire finds your body
361
00:14:07,865 --> 00:14:10,333
and finishes the job
God didn't have
362
00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:12,033
- the nuts to do.
- That's hurtful.
363
00:14:12,066 --> 00:14:13,532
If you could hear
the look on my face,
364
00:14:13,565 --> 00:14:15,098
you'd smell how sad I am.
365
00:14:15,132 --> 00:14:16,433
You watched anything good?
366
00:14:16,466 --> 00:14:18,233
Great British Bake Off.
367
00:14:18,266 --> 00:14:19,598
Oh, goddamn.
368
00:14:19,631 --> 00:14:21,931
That show stood between me
and suicide for 10 years.
369
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,631
Those are my feelings on
abortion, religious freedom,
370
00:14:24,664 --> 00:14:26,831
animal rights,
privacy rights, vaccines,
371
00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:29,064
free-market capitalism,
global climate change.
372
00:14:29,097 --> 00:14:32,132
Yeah, duh-duh-duh.
No, no speaking lines, Buck.
373
00:14:32,166 --> 00:14:34,265
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade.
374
00:14:34,298 --> 00:14:36,797
Nice fake o'clock shadow.
375
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:40,064
It's a summer balayage.
From the French.
376
00:14:40,097 --> 00:14:43,630
It's meant to mimic the
natural highlights of the sun.
377
00:14:43,663 --> 00:14:45,563
- It's a toupee.
- It's a hair system.
378
00:14:45,597 --> 00:14:47,930
I love your hair system, Wade.
379
00:14:47,964 --> 00:14:49,264
Thank you. Heh.
380
00:14:49,297 --> 00:14:50,729
Wanna do some cocaine?
381
00:14:50,763 --> 00:14:53,864
Hey, cocaine is the one thing
that Feige said is off limits.
382
00:14:53,897 --> 00:14:55,697
What about
Bolivian marching powder?
383
00:14:55,730 --> 00:14:57,829
They know all the slang terms.
They have a list.
384
00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:59,696
- Even snowboarding?
- Even disco dust.
385
00:14:59,729 --> 00:15:00,763
White girl interrupted?
386
00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:02,363
- Even Forrest Bump.
- Booger sugar?
387
00:15:02,397 --> 00:15:03,630
I wouldn't even try
powdered gonuts.
388
00:15:03,663 --> 00:15:07,230
- Do you wanna build a snowman?
- Yes. But I can't.
389
00:15:08,829 --> 00:15:10,230
Pull here.
390
00:15:10,263 --> 00:15:11,363
- Here?
- Yeah. [gasps]
391
00:15:11,397 --> 00:15:12,628
- [Yukio yelps]
- [laughter]
392
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,164
- [Dopinder] What happened?
- That's the fun part.
393
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:16,828
Thanks for coming.
394
00:15:16,862 --> 00:15:17,962
Yeah.
395
00:15:17,995 --> 00:15:19,196
How's work?
396
00:15:19,230 --> 00:15:20,595
Oh, I got a promotion.
397
00:15:21,362 --> 00:15:22,728
No way.
398
00:15:22,762 --> 00:15:25,862
Yeah. It's mind-numbing middle
management, but I'm happy.
399
00:15:25,895 --> 00:15:26,962
That's great.
400
00:15:28,728 --> 00:15:30,195
- You, uh, seeing anyone?
- How about you?
401
00:15:31,229 --> 00:15:33,163
Um... Yeah.
402
00:15:33,196 --> 00:15:35,828
A guy from work. Dermot.
403
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,061
Dermot.
404
00:15:37,095 --> 00:15:38,496
- He's kind.
- Good.
405
00:15:38,528 --> 00:15:40,195
Likes to go hiking.
406
00:15:40,229 --> 00:15:41,660
Hasn't gotten me shot yet.
407
00:15:41,694 --> 00:15:44,028
Well, it's the early days.
408
00:15:44,061 --> 00:15:45,528
[Vanessa chuckles]
409
00:15:47,894 --> 00:15:49,927
What about you?
You seeing anyone?
410
00:15:49,961 --> 00:15:50,893
[Wade] Mm...
411
00:15:50,926 --> 00:15:52,626
No, no, I live
in a one-bedroom apartment.
412
00:15:52,659 --> 00:15:54,195
I share a bed with Blind Al.
413
00:15:55,594 --> 00:15:57,660
- Okay.
- [laughs]
414
00:15:57,694 --> 00:15:59,128
- All right.
- All right.
415
00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:04,161
[all] ♪ Happy birthday
to you ♪
416
00:16:04,194 --> 00:16:05,726
- Speech! Speech!
- [Yukio] Yes!
417
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,793
All right.
Okay, okay, okay. Uh...
418
00:16:08,559 --> 00:16:09,659
Birthdays.
419
00:16:09,693 --> 00:16:11,427
Boy, every spin around the moon
420
00:16:11,460 --> 00:16:12,526
is a new adventure indeed.
421
00:16:12,559 --> 00:16:14,793
- Sun, dumbass.
- Okay, round-earther.
422
00:16:16,128 --> 00:16:18,260
- Where was I?
- The adventure of life.
423
00:16:18,293 --> 00:16:19,394
Right. Um...
424
00:16:19,427 --> 00:16:21,658
It's been
a challenging few years.
425
00:16:21,692 --> 00:16:23,026
Haven't seen you guys
in a while.
426
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:25,427
Been through a lot,
uh, change of life.
427
00:16:25,460 --> 00:16:27,494
- Menopause?
- Bitch, are you improv-ing?
428
00:16:27,525 --> 00:16:29,925
- Mm-mm.
- Sorry.
429
00:16:29,959 --> 00:16:31,459
[softly] I'm sorry that
you had to see that, Yukio.
430
00:16:31,493 --> 00:16:33,558
- [softly] It's okay.
- Yeah.
431
00:16:34,658 --> 00:16:36,426
[sighs] But I'm happy.
432
00:16:36,459 --> 00:16:37,759
You know, and that's... that's
433
00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:40,891
because of each
and every one of you.
434
00:16:40,924 --> 00:16:42,591
I guess,
what I'm trying to say is
435
00:16:42,624 --> 00:16:44,225
how proud I am,
how grateful I am
436
00:16:44,258 --> 00:16:45,558
to be standing in a room
437
00:16:45,592 --> 00:16:48,824
with every single person I love.
438
00:16:48,858 --> 00:16:50,991
[♪ soft music playing]
439
00:16:53,790 --> 00:16:55,691
I'm the luckiest man alive.
440
00:16:56,026 --> 00:16:57,026
[chuckles]
441
00:16:58,091 --> 00:16:58,990
Make a wish, buddy.
442
00:16:59,025 --> 00:17:01,890
Ten-four, good buddy.
[chuckles]
443
00:17:01,923 --> 00:17:03,025
Going down.
444
00:17:06,358 --> 00:17:07,557
[knock at door]
445
00:17:09,291 --> 00:17:10,324
Wade Wilson?
446
00:17:10,357 --> 00:17:11,757
Oh, yeah. Dancers.
447
00:17:11,790 --> 00:17:13,656
Dopinder must have ordered you.
448
00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:15,392
Are those supposed
to be cop costumes?
449
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:16,923
Never mind.
450
00:17:16,957 --> 00:17:19,290
Take your clothes off
but leave the helmets.
451
00:17:19,324 --> 00:17:20,623
And this isn't Pretty Woman.
452
00:17:21,391 --> 00:17:22,722
We're kissing. All right?
453
00:17:22,756 --> 00:17:24,655
What song do you guys
normally dance to?
454
00:17:25,757 --> 00:17:28,856
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
455
00:17:28,889 --> 00:17:30,224
Is that supposed to be scary?
456
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:32,223
Pegging isn't new for me,
friendo.
457
00:17:32,256 --> 00:17:33,756
But it is for Disney.
458
00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:35,522
Ah, ta, ta, ta, ta, ta!
459
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,423
Okay, I've never been
a natural bottom,
460
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,423
so we're gonna
take things real slow.
461
00:17:39,456 --> 00:17:41,390
And I want some
crazy eye contact.
462
00:17:41,423 --> 00:17:42,888
Not you.
You.
463
00:17:42,921 --> 00:17:44,855
Can't see your eyes through
the mask, but I can feel them.
464
00:17:44,888 --> 00:17:46,555
We're gonna move on
down the hallway
465
00:17:46,589 --> 00:17:48,555
so we can spare a cleanup
on aisle asshole.
466
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:50,023
How's everyone feel
about this plan?
467
00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:50,956
I don't like you.
468
00:17:50,989 --> 00:17:53,222
Yes. Let's hold on
to that attitude.
469
00:17:53,255 --> 00:17:55,022
And we're gonna do it angry.
470
00:17:55,055 --> 00:17:56,223
[grunts]
471
00:17:57,521 --> 00:17:58,721
[grunts]
472
00:18:02,787 --> 00:18:05,088
[♪ suspenseful music playing]
473
00:18:05,122 --> 00:18:06,588
[Wade moans softly]
474
00:18:07,322 --> 00:18:08,521
[Wade grunts]
475
00:18:13,122 --> 00:18:14,254
[Voice] Mr. Wilson...
476
00:18:15,987 --> 00:18:18,988
you appear to have soiled
yourself while unconscious.
477
00:18:19,022 --> 00:18:21,653
I wasn't unconscious.
Who are you?
478
00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:23,619
I go by the name of Paradox.
479
00:18:23,652 --> 00:18:27,287
Mr. Paradox. And you're
sitting here at the TVA.
480
00:18:27,321 --> 00:18:29,421
The Time Variance Authority.
481
00:18:29,454 --> 00:18:31,719
We're really
a watchdog organization,
482
00:18:31,753 --> 00:18:34,420
except we're more lighthearted
than that sounds,
483
00:18:34,453 --> 00:18:37,853
with a sort of
throwback, ironic twist.
484
00:18:37,886 --> 00:18:39,487
And we're in charge of defending
485
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:42,153
what's known
as the Sacred Timeline.
486
00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:45,551
Holy fuck. That is a shit-ton
of exposition for a threequel.
487
00:18:45,585 --> 00:18:47,552
Is this because
I used Cable's time machine?
488
00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:49,387
Brought a couple of people
back to life,
489
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,487
then I destroyed it.
490
00:18:50,519 --> 00:18:51,919
- That was a long time ago.
- Yes,
491
00:18:51,953 --> 00:18:54,685
we're aware of your abuse
of your timeline.
492
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:57,453
[chuckles] And you were
so abusive of it.
493
00:18:57,487 --> 00:18:59,953
Uh, no, it has nothing
to do with that.
494
00:18:59,986 --> 00:19:01,053
Walk with me.
495
00:19:03,219 --> 00:19:05,219
[♪ mysterious music playing]
496
00:19:06,817 --> 00:19:09,551
I brought you here,
Mr. Wilson, to tell you
497
00:19:09,585 --> 00:19:11,684
that you're special.
498
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:14,650
In fact, you've been chosen
for a higher purpose,
499
00:19:14,684 --> 00:19:17,018
a purpose unclear even to me.
500
00:19:17,051 --> 00:19:18,985
But one that could
501
00:19:19,019 --> 00:19:22,052
save the entire Sacred Timeline
502
00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:24,783
from a possibly grisly fate
sometime in the future,
503
00:19:24,816 --> 00:19:27,450
which may very well
need to be...
504
00:19:27,484 --> 00:19:29,318
avenged.
505
00:19:29,351 --> 00:19:31,051
This Sacred Timeline,
506
00:19:32,118 --> 00:19:34,051
I assume I'm going to marvel
507
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:35,683
at how
508
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,050
cinematic it feels?
509
00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:39,951
Gratuitous cameos,
510
00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:42,151
indiscriminate use of
Variants, the whole package?
511
00:19:42,183 --> 00:19:44,183
Well, you tell me.
512
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,217
[device beeps]
513
00:19:47,850 --> 00:19:50,050
[♪ heroic music playing]
514
00:19:51,183 --> 00:19:52,183
Cap!
515
00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:01,782
You are no longer lost, Wade.
516
00:20:01,816 --> 00:20:04,782
You can be a hero among heroes.
517
00:20:04,816 --> 00:20:06,982
We've been surveilling you
for quite a while.
518
00:20:07,016 --> 00:20:10,083
- Subway station.
- A TVA outpost, yes.
519
00:20:11,249 --> 00:20:12,548
- And what is that?
- Hmm?
520
00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:16,882
Is that me? Is that Thor?
521
00:20:18,281 --> 00:20:20,149
- Is he crying?
- Uh, let's not
522
00:20:20,182 --> 00:20:21,514
- get ahead of ourselves.
- [gasps]
523
00:20:21,547 --> 00:20:22,815
That happens
in the distant future.
524
00:20:22,849 --> 00:20:24,714
Why is Thor crying?
Quick! Tell me.
525
00:20:24,748 --> 00:20:26,215
Do not speak to her.
Stop that. Eyes on me.
526
00:20:26,248 --> 00:20:28,646
I brought you here
to offer you an opportunity.
527
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,647
The opportunity
you sought years ago,
528
00:20:30,681 --> 00:20:32,248
but for which
you were not ready.
529
00:20:32,281 --> 00:20:33,814
We believe you're ready now.
530
00:20:33,848 --> 00:20:35,914
Ready for a chance
to leave your timeline
531
00:20:35,948 --> 00:20:38,247
and join the greatest
universe of all.
532
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,281
I am about to give you the
thing you've always wanted.
533
00:20:40,315 --> 00:20:41,848
Oh, I smell
what you're steppin' in.
534
00:20:41,881 --> 00:20:43,347
The power in the Marvel Universe
535
00:20:43,381 --> 00:20:44,613
is about to change forever.
536
00:20:46,713 --> 00:20:48,447
I am the Messiah...
537
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,248
[♪ heavenly music building]
538
00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:52,613
I am...
539
00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:55,280
- [♪ music stops]
- ...Marvel Jesus.
540
00:20:56,612 --> 00:20:58,213
Can you excuse me
for just a moment?
541
00:20:58,246 --> 00:20:59,746
I'm just gonna go over here.
542
00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,313
Suck it, Fox!
543
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,612
I'm going to Disneyland.
544
00:21:05,645 --> 00:21:07,113
[grunts] Get fucked!
545
00:21:10,612 --> 00:21:11,645
Where do I sign?
546
00:21:11,679 --> 00:21:12,780
Oh, there's no need
for paperwork.
547
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:15,179
Good. Not to brag,
but I do not read.
548
00:21:15,213 --> 00:21:16,079
[chuckles] Oh.
549
00:21:16,113 --> 00:21:18,245
There is one thing
I will need, though.
550
00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,380
[♪ rousing music playing]
551
00:21:22,413 --> 00:21:25,013
[laughs] Oh, fuck off!
552
00:21:25,046 --> 00:21:27,012
Adorn me, Beardo.
553
00:21:41,845 --> 00:21:43,677
- [squeaks]
- [elevator dings]
554
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:47,444
[♪ hip-hop music plays, Fergie
ft. Ludacris "Glamorous"]
555
00:21:47,478 --> 00:21:49,011
Fuckin' A!
556
00:21:49,044 --> 00:21:51,178
Uhh! It's perfect! FYI,
557
00:21:51,212 --> 00:21:54,478
your tailor is a predator,
but I love it. Snug.
558
00:21:54,510 --> 00:21:55,643
No camel toe.
559
00:21:55,677 --> 00:21:59,276
New car smell
and adamantium katanas?
560
00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:01,110
You shouldn't have.
561
00:22:01,144 --> 00:22:03,044
Go ahead. Take it in.
562
00:22:03,077 --> 00:22:05,810
And yes, your underwear
is getting tighter.
563
00:22:05,844 --> 00:22:07,609
That guy knows
what I'm talking about.
564
00:22:07,642 --> 00:22:09,343
His clothes says
middle management,
565
00:22:09,377 --> 00:22:12,044
but his eyes say fuck-y fuck-y.
566
00:22:12,077 --> 00:22:14,011
Yes. You look very nice.
567
00:22:14,044 --> 00:22:15,110
[Deadpool] "Nice"?
568
00:22:15,143 --> 00:22:17,176
Your buddy here is ready
to throw it all away for me.
569
00:22:17,210 --> 00:22:18,476
- You callin' your wife?
- HR.
570
00:22:18,508 --> 00:22:19,909
[Deadpool] Does your wife
work in HR?
571
00:22:19,943 --> 00:22:22,310
[Mr. Paradox] I'm really glad
you're taking this so well.
572
00:22:22,343 --> 00:22:24,043
[Deadpool]
Oh, I'm taking it well.
573
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:26,608
I have never had a problem
traveling for work.
574
00:22:26,641 --> 00:22:28,776
That said,
we should talk vacation days.
575
00:22:28,809 --> 00:22:31,409
I'm more of a one-week-on-
one-week-off kind of guy.
576
00:22:31,442 --> 00:22:32,876
I think it's what they do
in Denmark.
577
00:22:32,909 --> 00:22:34,676
You know, you'll never see
a Danish flag on the moon,
578
00:22:34,709 --> 00:22:36,641
but [chuckles]
goddamn it, they're happy.
579
00:22:36,676 --> 00:22:39,375
Now, let's power up your
little Amazon Fire phone there
580
00:22:39,408 --> 00:22:40,875
and zip me back home
581
00:22:40,908 --> 00:22:42,875
so I can let my friends know
that they've been upgraded
582
00:22:42,908 --> 00:22:43,942
to disciples.
583
00:22:43,975 --> 00:22:47,009
Yeah. I don't think you...
quite understand.
584
00:22:47,042 --> 00:22:49,742
Um, you will not be returning
to your home
585
00:22:49,775 --> 00:22:52,242
because there will be
no home to return to.
586
00:22:52,275 --> 00:22:53,309
Come again?
587
00:22:53,341 --> 00:22:54,574
This time in my ears.
588
00:22:56,607 --> 00:22:57,807
[device beeps]
589
00:22:58,674 --> 00:23:01,807
This is your universe,
Mr. Wilson.
590
00:23:02,307 --> 00:23:03,607
That
591
00:23:03,641 --> 00:23:05,606
is what happens when a universe
592
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:07,807
loses their Anchor Being.
593
00:23:07,841 --> 00:23:10,007
See how it decays
from the inside?
594
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,874
- This is how a reality dies.
- What's an Anchor Being?
595
00:23:12,907 --> 00:23:15,307
An Anchor Being is an entity
of such vital importance
596
00:23:15,340 --> 00:23:16,539
that when they die,
597
00:23:16,573 --> 00:23:19,906
their whole world slowly
withers out of existence.
598
00:23:19,940 --> 00:23:22,773
You've just won the lottery
because I didn't die.
599
00:23:22,806 --> 00:23:24,640
It was just a little midlife
crisis. I'm better now.
600
00:23:24,674 --> 00:23:27,040
Oh, no, no, no. [laughing]
601
00:23:29,206 --> 00:23:30,840
[Deadpool laughs along]
602
00:23:30,873 --> 00:23:33,673
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, I love to laugh.
603
00:23:33,706 --> 00:23:36,406
Can you imagine
if you were the Anchor Being?
604
00:23:36,439 --> 00:23:38,538
- [Deadpool, dully] Yeah.
- [laughs] Oh!
605
00:23:38,572 --> 00:23:41,106
- Yeah.
- No, it isn't you, Mr. Wilson.
606
00:23:41,772 --> 00:23:43,238
Your Anchor Being died
607
00:23:43,272 --> 00:23:46,505
in an act
of self-sacrifice so epic
608
00:23:46,538 --> 00:23:48,905
that it sent shivers
down the Timeline.
609
00:23:48,939 --> 00:23:52,005
I am referring, of course, to...
610
00:23:53,338 --> 00:23:57,105
Logan. The Wolverine.
611
00:24:00,537 --> 00:24:03,005
[weakly] Don't be
what they made you.
612
00:24:03,905 --> 00:24:06,671
[♪ sentimental slow rock
music playing]
613
00:24:11,304 --> 00:24:12,903
[crying]
614
00:24:12,937 --> 00:24:15,637
Ah, so this is
what it feels like...
615
00:24:17,304 --> 00:24:18,503
[Deadpool] Logan.
616
00:24:19,237 --> 00:24:20,237
Of course.
617
00:24:20,903 --> 00:24:21,903
Logan.
618
00:24:23,535 --> 00:24:24,604
[Deadpool groans]
619
00:24:24,637 --> 00:24:26,170
[yelling] Logan?
620
00:24:26,204 --> 00:24:28,170
The guy with forks for hands?
621
00:24:28,204 --> 00:24:30,770
- That Wolverine?
- [device beeps]
622
00:24:30,803 --> 00:24:32,603
Yeah, I got it.
You can turn your
623
00:24:32,636 --> 00:24:34,937
retro graphics of death
off now. Make it stop.
624
00:24:34,970 --> 00:24:36,470
We're not doing it,
Mr. Wilson.
625
00:24:36,502 --> 00:24:37,737
We certainly can't stop it.
626
00:24:39,803 --> 00:24:40,836
[Deadpool]
How long have we got?
627
00:24:40,869 --> 00:24:43,535
In most cases,
couple thousand years.
628
00:24:43,569 --> 00:24:44,837
- Well, sweet.
- Well, most cases
629
00:24:44,870 --> 00:24:47,303
aren't fast enough.
Not for me.
630
00:24:47,336 --> 00:24:48,436
[Deadpool]
What does that mean?
631
00:24:48,470 --> 00:24:50,635
It means that I have been tasked
632
00:24:50,669 --> 00:24:53,102
with overseeing
the end of your universe.
633
00:24:53,135 --> 00:24:54,068
And regardless of what
634
00:24:54,102 --> 00:24:56,003
the pencil pushers upstairs
would prefer,
635
00:24:56,036 --> 00:24:57,269
I will not
636
00:24:57,302 --> 00:25:00,835
waste my life watching it die
slowly of natural causes.
637
00:25:00,868 --> 00:25:03,002
We used to just prune
these things. Simple.
638
00:25:03,035 --> 00:25:05,003
Elegant. Efficient.
But I'm told the TVA
639
00:25:05,036 --> 00:25:07,535
doesn't like to do that
anymore. Well, I do.
640
00:25:07,569 --> 00:25:09,369
And no matter what
my so-called superiors say,
641
00:25:09,402 --> 00:25:12,002
the multiverse does not
need a babysitter.
642
00:25:12,035 --> 00:25:13,701
We need a mercy killer.
643
00:25:13,735 --> 00:25:15,435
And in this instance,
644
00:25:15,469 --> 00:25:18,735
I am the mercy killer. Ha!
645
00:25:20,034 --> 00:25:21,034
[chuckles]
646
00:25:22,101 --> 00:25:23,001
[device beeps]
647
00:25:23,034 --> 00:25:24,900
[Deadpool] What in
the MacGuffin is that?
648
00:25:24,934 --> 00:25:27,267
[Mr. Paradox] That's
a Time Ripper, Mr. Wilson.
649
00:25:27,301 --> 00:25:28,934
An accelerant.
650
00:25:28,967 --> 00:25:31,667
Once completed,
it will allow me to destroy
651
00:25:31,700 --> 00:25:33,734
the spacetime matrix
of your universe.
652
00:25:33,767 --> 00:25:36,067
You see, I don't want
to work for the TVA.
653
00:25:36,101 --> 00:25:37,967
I want to be the TVA.
654
00:25:38,001 --> 00:25:40,734
And the first step involves
showing this organization
655
00:25:40,767 --> 00:25:42,633
how much more efficient
it can become.
656
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,499
To wit, I will be
giving your universe
657
00:25:44,532 --> 00:25:47,066
a swift and compassionate end.
658
00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:48,700
And don't worry, your friends
won't feel a thing.
659
00:25:48,734 --> 00:25:51,499
It'll be over just like this.
"Oh, what's that?" [groans]
660
00:25:52,100 --> 00:25:53,165
Trust me.
661
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:08,165
You're gonna Old Yeller
my fucking universe?
662
00:26:08,199 --> 00:26:10,399
Mm... In your parlance, yes.
663
00:26:10,433 --> 00:26:11,832
Two in the heart,
one in the head.
664
00:26:11,865 --> 00:26:13,932
Look, Mr. Wilson,
you have two choices.
665
00:26:13,965 --> 00:26:15,466
You can either rejoin
your loved ones
666
00:26:15,498 --> 00:26:17,366
and collectively cease
to exist in,
667
00:26:17,399 --> 00:26:20,432
I'd say, 72 hours. Or...
668
00:26:20,466 --> 00:26:22,998
you join the Sacred Timeline.
669
00:26:23,031 --> 00:26:25,432
And you end your days
of insignificance
670
00:26:25,465 --> 00:26:27,698
and mediocrity.
671
00:26:27,732 --> 00:26:29,298
Wade.
672
00:26:29,331 --> 00:26:31,198
Wade, you can finally,
673
00:26:31,231 --> 00:26:33,764
finally matter.
674
00:26:37,931 --> 00:26:40,764
- [Hulk roars]
- [♪ sentimental music playing]
675
00:26:43,364 --> 00:26:45,497
That's all
I've ever really wanted.
676
00:26:45,530 --> 00:26:46,930
I know.
677
00:26:47,431 --> 00:26:49,364
I know.
678
00:26:49,398 --> 00:26:51,564
And you know I'm...
I'm nothing if not
679
00:26:51,597 --> 00:26:52,997
morally flexible. [chuckles]
680
00:26:53,430 --> 00:26:54,629
[chuckles]
681
00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:56,563
Yep, yep.
682
00:26:58,597 --> 00:26:59,830
I'll do it.
683
00:26:59,863 --> 00:27:00,763
Wise choice.
684
00:27:00,796 --> 00:27:02,629
The Sacred Timeline's happy
to have you.
685
00:27:02,663 --> 00:27:03,830
[Deadpool] I was actually
talking about finding
686
00:27:03,863 --> 00:27:05,695
the Wolverine and breaking
your fucking nose.
687
00:27:06,464 --> 00:27:07,663
[groans]
688
00:27:09,063 --> 00:27:10,496
[♪ soft rock music plays,
Goo Goo Dolls "Iris"]
689
00:27:10,529 --> 00:27:13,262
♪ And I'd give up forever
to touch you ♪
690
00:27:13,296 --> 00:27:17,328
♪ 'Cause I know
that you feel me somehow ♪
691
00:27:17,363 --> 00:27:18,563
[♪ song stops]
692
00:27:19,364 --> 00:27:21,729
Find him. Find him!
693
00:27:21,762 --> 00:27:23,762
[Deadpool]
And boy, did he ever.
694
00:27:23,795 --> 00:27:25,429
[grunting]
695
00:27:25,463 --> 00:27:26,995
Which brings us back to this.
696
00:27:28,929 --> 00:27:31,228
The desecration
of the sacred corpse.
697
00:27:31,261 --> 00:27:34,095
- [♪ dramatic music playing]
- [yelling and grunting]
698
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:37,060
- Oh, my God!
- [yells]
699
00:27:38,060 --> 00:27:41,095
Oh! My own fucking arm!
700
00:27:41,128 --> 00:27:42,294
[soldier 1 yells]
701
00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:44,094
- [soldier 1 screams]
- [grunting]
702
00:27:44,127 --> 00:27:45,728
- [soldier 1 screaming]
- Now we're talkin'!
703
00:27:45,761 --> 00:27:47,260
[soldier 1] Not like this!
704
00:27:47,294 --> 00:27:49,462
No, dear God! No!
705
00:27:49,494 --> 00:27:51,627
[Deadpool] I'm sorry!
Wolverine-ing is hard!
706
00:27:51,661 --> 00:27:53,060
[soldier 2] Make it stop!
707
00:27:53,094 --> 00:27:54,294
[Deadpool] Mangold tried.
708
00:27:54,328 --> 00:27:56,194
[soldiers screaming]
709
00:27:57,094 --> 00:27:59,160
You sick fuck!
710
00:27:59,194 --> 00:28:00,561
Logan was a hero.
711
00:28:00,594 --> 00:28:02,160
And the only thing worth a shit
712
00:28:02,194 --> 00:28:03,593
to ever come out of Canada.
713
00:28:04,126 --> 00:28:05,159
[soldier 1 cries out]
714
00:28:05,727 --> 00:28:06,926
[soldier 2 screams]
715
00:28:11,361 --> 00:28:13,560
[Deadpool]
Get my country's name
716
00:28:13,593 --> 00:28:15,792
out of your fuckin' mouth.
717
00:28:16,692 --> 00:28:18,559
And my sword. Give me that.
718
00:28:20,826 --> 00:28:21,692
[exhales]
719
00:28:21,726 --> 00:28:24,159
Oh, I gotta find me
another Logan.
720
00:28:24,592 --> 00:28:25,925
An alive one.
721
00:28:25,958 --> 00:28:28,925
Don't get up, guys.
I'll see myself out.
722
00:28:28,958 --> 00:28:31,692
[♪ synth rock music playing,
"The Power of Love"]
723
00:28:35,891 --> 00:28:36,891
Logan!
724
00:28:40,426 --> 00:28:42,225
I'm gonna need you
to come with me.
725
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:44,558
Who's asking?
726
00:28:45,359 --> 00:28:46,658
[♪ music stops]
727
00:28:46,691 --> 00:28:48,623
[Deadpool] Oh, look at
this little Hairy Lou Retton.
728
00:28:48,657 --> 00:28:50,524
Did you stick the landing,
little guy?
729
00:28:51,058 --> 00:28:52,092
Yes, you did!
730
00:28:52,124 --> 00:28:53,791
Comic-accurate short king.
731
00:28:53,825 --> 00:28:56,224
Such a cute wittle Wolvie.
732
00:28:56,258 --> 00:28:57,890
Cue the fuckin' montage, baby.
733
00:28:57,924 --> 00:28:59,623
- [♪ synth rock music resumes]
- Ahoy!
734
00:28:59,657 --> 00:29:01,924
Everything seems to be on fire.
735
00:29:01,957 --> 00:29:03,590
You have a dragon?
736
00:29:03,623 --> 00:29:06,190
Ooh, you have Anchor Being
written all over...
737
00:29:06,223 --> 00:29:07,956
[grunting]
738
00:29:09,023 --> 00:29:10,124
[growling]
739
00:29:10,157 --> 00:29:13,757
♪ Make a one man weep,
make another man sing ♪
740
00:29:14,358 --> 00:29:15,990
♪ Change a hawk... ♪
741
00:29:16,023 --> 00:29:17,056
Patch!
742
00:29:17,090 --> 00:29:20,257
- [engine revving]
- Oh, now we're talkin'.
743
00:29:20,956 --> 00:29:22,657
Oh, yeah.
744
00:29:22,689 --> 00:29:24,823
That's the whole goddamn
package right there.
745
00:29:25,823 --> 00:29:26,756
Howdy!
746
00:29:26,789 --> 00:29:29,522
I'm just... I'm auditioning
Anchor Beings.
747
00:29:29,556 --> 00:29:32,190
Oh. Yeah, that's gonna need
some coconut oil.
748
00:29:33,990 --> 00:29:35,122
[grunts]
749
00:29:35,155 --> 00:29:36,457
[crow cawing]
750
00:29:36,489 --> 00:29:38,655
What in the fuck?
751
00:29:38,688 --> 00:29:40,488
[laughs] Are you okay?
752
00:29:40,889 --> 00:29:41,823
Oh, yes, yes.
753
00:29:41,856 --> 00:29:43,822
Classic John Byrne
brown and tan.
754
00:29:43,855 --> 00:29:45,822
Now, you fought the Hulk
in this outfit. No?
755
00:29:45,855 --> 00:29:47,822
- [deep growl]
- [♪ song stops]
756
00:29:48,722 --> 00:29:50,488
I'm Marvel Jesus,
you dull creature,
757
00:29:50,521 --> 00:29:51,688
and I will not... [yells]
758
00:29:51,722 --> 00:29:53,189
- [Deadpool groans]
- [♪ song resumes playing]
759
00:29:54,089 --> 00:29:55,555
[grunting]
760
00:29:58,487 --> 00:30:01,154
- [thunder rumbles]
- [groaning]
761
00:30:01,189 --> 00:30:04,021
It's not you. We're just going
in a different direction.
762
00:30:06,021 --> 00:30:07,221
[engine revving]
763
00:30:07,254 --> 00:30:08,288
You know, from behind,
764
00:30:08,321 --> 00:30:09,455
you look a little bit
like Henry...
765
00:30:09,487 --> 00:30:10,886
- Oh, my fuck!
- [♪ song stops]
766
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:14,188
The Cavillrine.
The legends are true.
767
00:30:14,221 --> 00:30:17,221
And may I say, sir,
on behalf of all humanity,
768
00:30:17,254 --> 00:30:19,221
this just feels right.
769
00:30:19,254 --> 00:30:20,786
We will treat you so much better
770
00:30:20,820 --> 00:30:22,120
than those shit fucks
down the street.
771
00:30:22,153 --> 00:30:24,421
- You were just leavin'.
- [Deadpool] No, sir.
772
00:30:24,455 --> 00:30:25,953
Not while the fate
of my universe is at...
773
00:30:28,220 --> 00:30:29,220
[man grunts]
774
00:30:29,786 --> 00:30:30,619
[choking]
775
00:30:30,653 --> 00:30:32,188
This one looks promising.
776
00:30:32,221 --> 00:30:33,519
Down you go.
777
00:30:34,953 --> 00:30:35,953
[Logan] Again.
778
00:30:36,786 --> 00:30:39,052
I told you.
You're not welcome here.
779
00:30:39,086 --> 00:30:40,518
You're not welcome anywhere.
780
00:30:40,552 --> 00:30:41,819
Now get the fuck out of my bar.
781
00:30:41,852 --> 00:30:44,519
Just give me one more drink
and then I'll leave.
782
00:30:44,553 --> 00:30:46,354
[bartender] That's not
how it works.
783
00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:48,585
[Deadpool] It does now.
Leave the bottle.
784
00:30:48,618 --> 00:30:49,685
I know you, bub?
785
00:30:49,719 --> 00:30:52,287
Nope. But I know you.
786
00:30:52,320 --> 00:30:53,819
Everybody knows me.
787
00:30:55,286 --> 00:30:56,419
I'm the Wolverine.
788
00:30:56,453 --> 00:30:58,818
Yes, you are.
789
00:30:58,851 --> 00:31:00,951
And I'm gonna need you
to come with me right now.
790
00:31:02,285 --> 00:31:03,685
Look, lady, I'm not interested.
791
00:31:03,719 --> 00:31:05,118
Really gettin'
into your cups here.
792
00:31:05,152 --> 00:31:06,684
Why would I go with you?
793
00:31:07,651 --> 00:31:09,517
Because, unfortunately,
794
00:31:09,551 --> 00:31:10,884
I need you,
795
00:31:10,917 --> 00:31:14,985
and even more unfortunately,
my entire world needs you.
796
00:31:15,651 --> 00:31:17,218
You two gonna fuck or fight?
797
00:31:21,185 --> 00:31:22,616
You gonna take that from him?
798
00:31:22,650 --> 00:31:24,185
- Yep.
- [scoffs]
799
00:31:24,218 --> 00:31:26,352
I can tell you have a sort
of don't-get-too-close-
800
00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,185
I'll-only-break-your-heart
vibe going here,
801
00:31:28,218 --> 00:31:29,250
but every other Wolverine
802
00:31:29,284 --> 00:31:30,583
would've really hurt me by now.
803
00:31:30,616 --> 00:31:31,817
And I'm sort of
on the tick-tick.
804
00:31:31,850 --> 00:31:33,318
- So, upsy-daisy. Here we go.
- Whoa, whoa.
805
00:31:33,352 --> 00:31:34,385
- Up you go.
- Hey, hey!
806
00:31:34,418 --> 00:31:35,616
I got you, big guy.
807
00:31:36,917 --> 00:31:37,917
Oh.
808
00:31:39,351 --> 00:31:40,550
Whiskey dick of the claws.
809
00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:42,117
It's quite common
in Wolverines over 40.
810
00:31:42,150 --> 00:31:43,117
You don't want this.
811
00:31:43,150 --> 00:31:45,817
You're right. I don't.
And you don't want this.
812
00:31:45,849 --> 00:31:47,417
Unless you wanna
take a deep breath
813
00:31:47,451 --> 00:31:48,649
through your fuckin' forehead,
814
00:31:48,682 --> 00:31:50,882
I suggest you reconsider.
815
00:31:50,916 --> 00:31:51,982
Let's go, peanut.
816
00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:56,383
[laughing]
817
00:31:56,416 --> 00:31:58,482
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
818
00:31:59,015 --> 00:32:00,015
Watch this.
819
00:32:01,015 --> 00:32:03,048
All right. That... Whoa.
820
00:32:03,449 --> 00:32:04,649
Easy.
821
00:32:08,183 --> 00:32:09,715
Good God.
822
00:32:09,748 --> 00:32:11,748
Thirsty little honey badger,
aren't ya?
823
00:32:12,681 --> 00:32:14,416
It's okay. Keep goin'.
824
00:32:14,450 --> 00:32:16,514
Audiences are accustomed
to long run times.
825
00:32:17,415 --> 00:32:19,815
[grunts, groans]
826
00:32:20,382 --> 00:32:21,847
[body thuds]
827
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,248
[sighs]
Guess you'll have to do.
828
00:32:24,282 --> 00:32:25,481
Okay, here we...
829
00:32:26,449 --> 00:32:29,382
Oh! Look at those jammies.
830
00:32:29,415 --> 00:32:32,780
That only took 20 fucking years.
831
00:32:32,814 --> 00:32:35,048
One Anchor Being
coming right up!
832
00:32:35,082 --> 00:32:37,348
On your left, baby girl.
833
00:32:37,381 --> 00:32:38,480
This Logan has the same
834
00:32:38,513 --> 00:32:40,747
he-can-do-anything-
even-musicals look.
835
00:32:40,780 --> 00:32:42,846
And bonus, he's actually
wearing a costume
836
00:32:42,879 --> 00:32:44,114
like he's not embarrassed to be
837
00:32:44,147 --> 00:32:45,513
in a superhero movie for once.
838
00:32:45,547 --> 00:32:47,181
I don't understand.
839
00:32:47,214 --> 00:32:48,414
You said my universe is dying
840
00:32:48,448 --> 00:32:50,879
because this sack of nuts
got himself killed.
841
00:32:50,913 --> 00:32:53,546
- Well, problem solved.
- My God.
842
00:32:53,579 --> 00:32:57,980
You actually think you can
replace an Anchor Being
843
00:32:58,014 --> 00:32:59,980
with this?
844
00:33:00,014 --> 00:33:02,579
I wouldn't have accepted
any other Wolverine, BT dubs.
845
00:33:02,612 --> 00:33:04,611
But you have outdone yourself
846
00:33:04,645 --> 00:33:06,846
and brought me
the worst Wolverine!
847
00:33:06,879 --> 00:33:08,113
What do you mean, the worst one?
848
00:33:08,146 --> 00:33:09,612
Mr. Wilson.
849
00:33:09,645 --> 00:33:13,611
This Wolverine let down
his entire world.
850
00:33:13,645 --> 00:33:16,013
He's the stuff of legend,
but not in a good way.
851
00:33:16,046 --> 00:33:17,280
And what he did,
852
00:33:17,313 --> 00:33:18,678
well,
853
00:33:18,712 --> 00:33:21,012
some things are just
beyond forgiveness.
854
00:33:23,312 --> 00:33:24,644
Okay.
855
00:33:24,677 --> 00:33:27,578
How do I... How do I make
this right? I'll do anything.
856
00:33:27,611 --> 00:33:30,577
I gave you
a chance at greatness.
857
00:33:30,610 --> 00:33:33,211
Because my superiors
deemed you "special."
858
00:33:33,244 --> 00:33:34,711
Clearly not special
in a good way.
859
00:33:34,744 --> 00:33:35,778
Apparently you have some
860
00:33:35,812 --> 00:33:37,979
important future purpose
to serve.
861
00:33:38,012 --> 00:33:39,112
With Thor. He holds me.
862
00:33:39,145 --> 00:33:40,944
But I did my duty.
863
00:33:40,979 --> 00:33:43,011
I gave you the opportunity
to be somebody.
864
00:33:43,044 --> 00:33:45,011
And instead of
accepting my offering
865
00:33:45,044 --> 00:33:47,510
with humility and gratitude,
you broke my nose.
866
00:33:47,544 --> 00:33:48,577
[sighs] It looks great.
867
00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:50,544
And you decimated
dozens of my men
868
00:33:50,577 --> 00:33:52,178
with the exhumed corpse
of a hero.
869
00:33:52,211 --> 00:33:54,543
Dishonoring not only
his remains but his memory.
870
00:33:54,576 --> 00:33:55,910
What are you, the Internet?
871
00:33:55,944 --> 00:33:58,178
Your world is dying!
872
00:33:58,211 --> 00:33:59,576
Thank you very much.
873
00:33:59,609 --> 00:34:00,910
And there's no stopping it.
874
00:34:02,943 --> 00:34:04,642
[muffled]
The humane thing to do
875
00:34:04,675 --> 00:34:05,742
is to make it quick.
876
00:34:05,775 --> 00:34:07,676
Is the thought
of vaporizing my universe
877
00:34:07,710 --> 00:34:08,978
making you peckish?
878
00:34:09,010 --> 00:34:10,143
I'm eating my feelings.
879
00:34:10,177 --> 00:34:11,775
I'm about to lose everything
that I've ever cared about
880
00:34:11,809 --> 00:34:14,977
because that hairy thundercunt
from down undercunt
881
00:34:15,010 --> 00:34:15,943
finally dies,
882
00:34:15,976 --> 00:34:18,576
and he's standing
right behind me, isn't he?
883
00:34:18,608 --> 00:34:20,575
Welcome to the MCU, by the way.
884
00:34:20,608 --> 00:34:22,775
You're joining at a bit
of a low point.
885
00:34:22,809 --> 00:34:24,841
As for you,
I wanna talk to your boss.
886
00:34:24,874 --> 00:34:26,276
I want you to get him
on the phone
887
00:34:26,309 --> 00:34:28,309
and you tell him, her, or them,
888
00:34:28,343 --> 00:34:30,642
that Marvel H. Christ
isn't playing.
889
00:34:35,942 --> 00:34:36,942
Holy shit.
890
00:34:37,608 --> 00:34:39,541
I just heard a symphony
891
00:34:39,574 --> 00:34:41,507
of buttholes clenching
all at once.
892
00:34:41,541 --> 00:34:42,674
You're off grid.
893
00:34:42,708 --> 00:34:44,108
Your bosses don't know
what you sick fucks
894
00:34:44,141 --> 00:34:45,175
are doing down here.
895
00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:46,375
Well, I'll tell you what.
896
00:34:46,408 --> 00:34:48,342
I have a black belt in Karen...
897
00:34:48,375 --> 00:34:49,674
And I'm gonna go upstairs
898
00:34:49,708 --> 00:34:52,041
and I'm gonna tell 'em
all about you and your...
899
00:34:52,807 --> 00:34:54,606
Oh, silence is nice, isn't it?
900
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:55,740
Where the fuck did he go?
901
00:34:55,773 --> 00:34:57,741
To the trash heap.
You'll fit right in.
902
00:34:57,774 --> 00:34:59,375
[growls]
903
00:34:59,408 --> 00:35:00,707
Whew.
904
00:35:00,740 --> 00:35:02,208
That was close. [chuckles]
905
00:35:05,407 --> 00:35:07,840
[muffled rhythmic thumping]
906
00:35:11,441 --> 00:35:13,639
[muffled footsteps thumping]
907
00:35:17,773 --> 00:35:19,007
[groaning]
908
00:35:23,007 --> 00:35:25,572
[Deadpool] Don't just
stand there, you ape.
909
00:35:25,605 --> 00:35:27,638
Give me a hand up.
910
00:35:27,671 --> 00:35:29,572
- [claws clang]
- Nope. I'm actually okay.
911
00:35:29,605 --> 00:35:31,772
- Thank you very much. [groans]
- [Wolverine grunting]
912
00:35:32,805 --> 00:35:33,973
[Wolverine]
Where the hell are we?
913
00:35:34,006 --> 00:35:36,439
[Deadpool] I don't know.
Looks kind of Mad Max-y.
914
00:35:36,471 --> 00:35:38,472
But that would be
IP infringement, right?
915
00:35:38,505 --> 00:35:39,739
Fucking jokes.
916
00:35:39,771 --> 00:35:41,505
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool yelps]
917
00:35:41,538 --> 00:35:43,206
[bones crack]
918
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:44,638
[Deadpool] Fuck! Fuck.
919
00:35:44,671 --> 00:35:46,138
Were you even listening
back there?
920
00:35:46,172 --> 00:35:49,139
If we don't make it back
to that Mr. Paradox asshole,
921
00:35:49,173 --> 00:35:50,504
everyone I know is gonna die.
922
00:35:50,538 --> 00:35:52,372
Not my fuckin' problem.
923
00:35:52,405 --> 00:35:54,571
Oh, is that all you got?
924
00:35:54,604 --> 00:35:56,804
Is that what you said
when your world went to shit?
925
00:35:57,637 --> 00:36:00,038
[breathing heavily]
Come again?
926
00:36:00,072 --> 00:36:02,072
Yeah, I heard all about you.
927
00:36:02,105 --> 00:36:04,172
How you screwed up everything.
928
00:36:04,205 --> 00:36:05,338
You should be thankin' me
929
00:36:05,371 --> 00:36:07,037
for pulling you out
of that bed you shit in.
930
00:36:07,071 --> 00:36:09,339
[groans] You back-stabbing
son of a bitch!
931
00:36:09,372 --> 00:36:10,670
[yells]
932
00:36:13,837 --> 00:36:15,338
[shouts, groans]
933
00:36:15,371 --> 00:36:16,703
Are you ready to be calm now?
934
00:36:16,736 --> 00:36:18,669
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool yelps]
935
00:36:21,438 --> 00:36:22,636
[groans]
936
00:36:23,837 --> 00:36:26,203
Rest in pieces, Fox. [grunts]
937
00:36:26,236 --> 00:36:29,070
[♪ tense song intro playing,
AC/DC "Hells Bells"]
938
00:36:29,104 --> 00:36:30,804
[bird screeching]
939
00:36:41,003 --> 00:36:42,803
I don't want to fight you,
peanut.
940
00:36:43,769 --> 00:36:45,535
Doesn't matter what you did.
941
00:36:45,568 --> 00:36:47,235
- I just need your help.
- [grunts]
942
00:36:48,501 --> 00:36:50,170
I don't fuckin' care.
943
00:36:51,402 --> 00:36:53,369
Uh... Uh-oh.
944
00:36:53,402 --> 00:36:54,836
[breathes heavily]
945
00:36:58,768 --> 00:37:01,468
Fuck. This is gonna hurt.
946
00:37:05,401 --> 00:37:06,868
All right.
947
00:37:07,134 --> 00:37:08,701
Fuck it.
948
00:37:08,734 --> 00:37:10,634
Let's give the people
what they came for.
949
00:37:10,667 --> 00:37:13,467
- [♪ song stops]
- Let's fuckin' go.
950
00:37:14,401 --> 00:37:16,500
Get your special sock out,
nerds.
951
00:37:16,534 --> 00:37:18,599
It's gonna get good.
952
00:37:19,168 --> 00:37:20,500
[grunts]
953
00:37:25,834 --> 00:37:27,367
[♪ hard rock music playing,
AC/DC "Hells Bells"]
954
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:28,666
[growls]
955
00:37:29,866 --> 00:37:31,168
[gunshots]
956
00:37:39,565 --> 00:37:41,167
[both grunting]
957
00:37:43,766 --> 00:37:44,766
[groans]
958
00:37:51,334 --> 00:37:52,367
[screams]
959
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,100
♪ Hell's bells ♪
960
00:37:56,032 --> 00:37:58,865
♪ I'll give you
black sensations ♪
961
00:37:58,899 --> 00:38:01,766
♪ Up and down your spine ♪
962
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,333
♪ If you're into evil,
you're a friend of mine ♪
963
00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:08,631
♪ See my white light flashing
as I split the night ♪
964
00:38:08,664 --> 00:38:10,564
- [grunts, growls]
- [Deadpool chuckles] Ew.
965
00:38:11,399 --> 00:38:12,732
Gotcha!
966
00:38:12,765 --> 00:38:16,597
♪ I got my bell, I'm gonna
take you to hell ♪
967
00:38:16,631 --> 00:38:19,031
♪ I'm gonna get you,
Satan get you ♪
968
00:38:19,065 --> 00:38:20,630
- Baby Knife!
- [groans]
969
00:38:24,398 --> 00:38:25,531
- [screams]
- Let's see you grow
970
00:38:25,564 --> 00:38:26,731
your fuckin' head back.
971
00:38:26,764 --> 00:38:28,664
Wait, wait, wait!
I can fix it! I can fix it.
972
00:38:28,698 --> 00:38:30,831
- Fix what?
- Whatever it is that you did.
973
00:38:31,563 --> 00:38:33,065
Whatever made you so bad.
974
00:38:33,464 --> 00:38:34,864
Those... Those
975
00:38:34,898 --> 00:38:37,496
pricks in the TVA.
You heard him.
976
00:38:38,496 --> 00:38:39,730
They have the power
to end my universe,
977
00:38:39,763 --> 00:38:43,097
but they also have
the power to change yours.
978
00:38:44,664 --> 00:38:47,897
We get back there,
and we can fix your world.
979
00:38:47,930 --> 00:38:49,097
Together.
980
00:38:50,363 --> 00:38:51,629
I promise.
981
00:38:53,030 --> 00:38:54,230
They can fix it.
982
00:38:55,330 --> 00:38:56,630
[man] Hey!
983
00:38:56,663 --> 00:38:58,763
We fight each other, we lose.
984
00:38:58,797 --> 00:39:00,196
[Deadpool] Dear God, it's him.
985
00:39:00,229 --> 00:39:02,595
- Who?
- [Deadpool] The one.
986
00:39:02,630 --> 00:39:05,529
The superhero equivalent
to comfort food, or Molly.
987
00:39:05,562 --> 00:39:08,196
White guys' answer
to all the disappointments.
988
00:39:08,229 --> 00:39:09,528
And another A-lister.
989
00:39:09,561 --> 00:39:10,963
Fair warning, gorgeous.
990
00:39:10,996 --> 00:39:13,063
You're going to encounter
some indelicate language,
991
00:39:13,096 --> 00:39:15,629
a smidge of ass play,
but we've been prohibited
992
00:39:15,662 --> 00:39:17,528
from using cocaine. On camera.
993
00:39:17,561 --> 00:39:19,795
- [man] They're coming.
- [Deadpool] Who's "they"?
994
00:39:19,828 --> 00:39:22,195
- [engines revving]
- [♪ menacing music playing]
995
00:39:26,461 --> 00:39:27,995
Oh, they're driving angry.
996
00:39:32,962 --> 00:39:33,795
[grunts]
997
00:39:33,828 --> 00:39:35,695
Now that's a superhero landing.
998
00:39:35,728 --> 00:39:37,928
[♪ menacing music continues]
999
00:39:41,428 --> 00:39:42,827
[♪ music stops]
1000
00:39:42,860 --> 00:39:44,062
I got this.
1001
00:39:44,095 --> 00:39:46,094
[♪ menacing music resumes]
1002
00:39:50,427 --> 00:39:51,627
[sniffs]
1003
00:39:56,361 --> 00:39:57,794
[engines revving]
1004
00:40:07,793 --> 00:40:09,026
Stay close.
1005
00:40:09,060 --> 00:40:10,193
[Deadpool] Aye, aye, Cap'n.
1006
00:40:11,491 --> 00:40:12,693
You got this.
1007
00:40:14,759 --> 00:40:18,491
Cassandra is gonna be giddy
when she sees what we caught.
1008
00:40:19,326 --> 00:40:20,426
You can't run.
1009
00:40:20,491 --> 00:40:21,726
Everybody knows that.
1010
00:40:21,758 --> 00:40:24,926
You see anyone runnin',
dick for brains?
1011
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,793
You're not gonna love
what happens next.
1012
00:40:26,826 --> 00:40:28,825
- [Deadpool] Oh. Oh, my God.
- [♪ rousing music playing]
1013
00:40:28,858 --> 00:40:31,159
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's gonna say it.
1014
00:40:31,192 --> 00:40:32,224
- Ah! Fuck.
- [Deadpool] Ha!
1015
00:40:32,258 --> 00:40:33,792
Oh, my God! He's gonna say it!
1016
00:40:33,825 --> 00:40:35,559
- Say what?
- Avengers, assemble...
1017
00:40:35,592 --> 00:40:37,025
- Flame on!
- I'm sorry, what now?
1018
00:40:39,425 --> 00:40:41,625
[♪ epic music playing]
1019
00:40:53,157 --> 00:40:54,958
[groans, panting]
1020
00:40:56,625 --> 00:40:58,924
[screaming in distance]
1021
00:40:58,958 --> 00:41:00,324
- [clang]
- Ohh!
1022
00:41:00,357 --> 00:41:01,691
Fuck!
1023
00:41:01,724 --> 00:41:02,724
Ahhh!
1024
00:41:03,290 --> 00:41:04,489
[grunts]
1025
00:41:05,657 --> 00:41:07,958
- We don't know that guy.
- [Deadpool] We thought we did.
1026
00:41:07,991 --> 00:41:10,057
I know you.
1027
00:41:10,090 --> 00:41:12,123
- [Deadpool] Holy sh...
- [Sabretooth snarls]
1028
00:41:12,756 --> 00:41:13,790
[growls]
1029
00:41:13,823 --> 00:41:14,823
Sabretooth.
1030
00:41:15,257 --> 00:41:16,456
Your brother.
1031
00:41:17,190 --> 00:41:18,957
Ready to die?
1032
00:41:18,990 --> 00:41:21,690
[Deadpool] Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait! Time!
1033
00:41:22,256 --> 00:41:23,855
You look ridiculous.
1034
00:41:23,889 --> 00:41:26,589
People have waited decades
for this fight.
1035
00:41:26,623 --> 00:41:28,455
It's not gonna be easy.
Baby Knife.
1036
00:41:28,489 --> 00:41:30,389
Shoot the double,
you take him down.
1037
00:41:30,423 --> 00:41:32,522
Side control, then full mount,
1038
00:41:32,555 --> 00:41:33,922
and you ground and pound
1039
00:41:33,956 --> 00:41:35,623
till he makes no sound
because he's dead.
1040
00:41:35,656 --> 00:41:37,623
- Shut the fuck up!
- [Deadpool] Oh, my God!
1041
00:41:37,656 --> 00:41:40,089
Okay. Good luck.
I'm a huge fan.
1042
00:41:40,122 --> 00:41:41,622
[breathing heavily]
1043
00:41:43,121 --> 00:41:44,155
[laughs]
1044
00:41:45,255 --> 00:41:46,689
[roars]
1045
00:41:46,722 --> 00:41:48,122
[roars]
1046
00:41:52,121 --> 00:41:53,654
- [gurgling]
- [Deadpool] What is it, girl?
1047
00:41:53,688 --> 00:41:55,587
- Is there trouble at the well?
- [flesh squelching]
1048
00:42:00,421 --> 00:42:02,088
[laughs] Big trouble.
1049
00:42:02,120 --> 00:42:03,788
Behold!
1050
00:42:03,821 --> 00:42:07,021
The head of your precious queen,
1051
00:42:07,055 --> 00:42:08,055
Furiosa!
1052
00:42:09,187 --> 00:42:11,020
I have the Wolverine!
1053
00:42:11,054 --> 00:42:14,220
I alone control her!
1054
00:42:14,254 --> 00:42:16,554
You come for me,
1055
00:42:16,587 --> 00:42:19,087
you come for her.
1056
00:42:20,687 --> 00:42:22,586
So sorry.
I know it's pronounced "him."
1057
00:42:22,620 --> 00:42:24,486
I'm gender blind.
It's my cross to bear.
1058
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:25,953
Who's next?
1059
00:42:25,986 --> 00:42:27,120
- Toad!
- [snarls]
1060
00:42:27,154 --> 00:42:28,453
You're up.
1061
00:42:31,053 --> 00:42:32,320
[yells]
1062
00:42:32,353 --> 00:42:33,552
[both grunt]
1063
00:42:35,452 --> 00:42:36,485
[Deadpool] Uh-oh.
1064
00:42:36,519 --> 00:42:37,887
- Oh, holy sh...
- Fuck.
1065
00:42:37,919 --> 00:42:38,919
[thud]
1066
00:42:40,320 --> 00:42:42,219
[creatures squeaking]
1067
00:42:46,619 --> 00:42:48,619
[Deadpool groans, mumbles]
1068
00:42:49,219 --> 00:42:50,719
[Deadpool] God of Thunder.
1069
00:42:52,252 --> 00:42:53,452
[Deadpool grunts]
1070
00:42:54,518 --> 00:42:56,052
How long was I asleep?
1071
00:42:56,085 --> 00:42:57,719
Not all of you was asleep.
1072
00:42:57,752 --> 00:42:59,352
- [Deadpool grunts]
- Don't bother.
1073
00:42:59,386 --> 00:43:01,651
They're very thorough.
1074
00:43:01,685 --> 00:43:03,918
If you know where we are,
start talking.
1075
00:43:04,518 --> 00:43:06,184
You're in The Void.
1076
00:43:06,217 --> 00:43:08,319
Think of it as purgatory.
1077
00:43:08,352 --> 00:43:10,685
Reed called it
a metaphysical junkyard.
1078
00:43:10,718 --> 00:43:12,284
Where anything useless goes
1079
00:43:12,318 --> 00:43:14,518
before it gets
annihilated forever.
1080
00:43:14,551 --> 00:43:17,384
And where the TVA sends
people that don't play nice
1081
00:43:17,418 --> 00:43:18,551
with the rest of the multiverse.
1082
00:43:18,584 --> 00:43:20,318
- Like you?
- And you.
1083
00:43:20,352 --> 00:43:21,850
[Deadpool] What does
the annihilating?
1084
00:43:22,318 --> 00:43:23,351
Alioth.
1085
00:43:23,384 --> 00:43:24,817
[Deadpool]
Alioth is in this thing?
1086
00:43:24,850 --> 00:43:26,916
From Loki, Season 1, Episode 5?
1087
00:43:26,950 --> 00:43:29,117
Everyone here
is on the run from Alioth.
1088
00:43:29,650 --> 00:43:31,317
Most don't make it.
1089
00:43:31,351 --> 00:43:33,384
There's a resistance, though.
1090
00:43:33,418 --> 00:43:36,449
Other people like us
that managed to survive.
1091
00:43:36,482 --> 00:43:37,849
They're hidin' out
in the borderlands,
1092
00:43:37,883 --> 00:43:40,351
trying to find a way
the fuck outta here.
1093
00:43:40,384 --> 00:43:41,749
Then that's where we go.
1094
00:43:41,783 --> 00:43:43,749
[Deadpool] "We"? Us? A team?
1095
00:43:43,783 --> 00:43:45,816
The answer is yes.
Shake on it.
1096
00:43:46,417 --> 00:43:47,649
Fuck! You nicked it.
1097
00:43:47,683 --> 00:43:49,716
Just got the tip with
your little steak knife.
1098
00:43:49,749 --> 00:43:51,916
These "others" can help us
get back to the TVA.
1099
00:43:51,950 --> 00:43:52,982
Make 'em fix things.
1100
00:43:53,015 --> 00:43:55,182
[laughs sardonically]
1101
00:43:55,215 --> 00:43:56,682
Something funny, bub?
1102
00:43:56,715 --> 00:43:58,482
She might have somethin'
to say about that.
1103
00:43:58,516 --> 00:43:59,783
Who's "she"?
1104
00:44:01,049 --> 00:44:02,249
In The Void,
1105
00:44:02,282 --> 00:44:04,015
you're either food for Alioth
1106
00:44:04,648 --> 00:44:06,682
or you work for her.
1107
00:44:06,715 --> 00:44:08,915
[♪ stirring music playing]
1108
00:44:18,815 --> 00:44:19,882
[engine roars]
1109
00:44:28,315 --> 00:44:29,681
[metal creaking]
1110
00:44:30,481 --> 00:44:31,914
[heavy metallic thud]
1111
00:44:39,348 --> 00:44:41,013
[engine roaring]
1112
00:44:52,147 --> 00:44:54,479
[♪ tense music playing]
1113
00:45:03,446 --> 00:45:04,912
[grunts]
1114
00:45:04,946 --> 00:45:06,112
[growls quietly]
1115
00:45:06,912 --> 00:45:07,912
[grunts]
1116
00:45:18,945 --> 00:45:21,979
[Deadpool] Huh.
Paul Rudd finally aged.
1117
00:45:22,012 --> 00:45:23,778
Oh, you must be
this year's Juggernaut.
1118
00:45:23,811 --> 00:45:25,544
- Thank you.
- I'd keep your voices down.
1119
00:45:25,577 --> 00:45:26,978
She don't like the chatter.
1120
00:45:27,011 --> 00:45:28,210
She's gonna love you.
1121
00:45:29,611 --> 00:45:31,811
[♪ slow dramatic
music building]
1122
00:45:44,312 --> 00:45:46,044
[Deadpool] Is it...
Is that Charles?
1123
00:45:46,077 --> 00:45:48,311
Hey... Hey, Chuck! It's us!
1124
00:45:48,344 --> 00:45:49,677
That's not Chuck.
1125
00:45:49,710 --> 00:45:50,910
Ah, shit.
1126
00:45:52,278 --> 00:45:53,777
[Deadpool] Oh, ableism. Great.
1127
00:45:53,810 --> 00:45:56,311
That's not gonna go over well
with the woke mob.
1128
00:45:56,344 --> 00:45:58,377
A Wolverine.
1129
00:45:58,411 --> 00:46:00,842
I wondered when
I'd get one of you.
1130
00:46:01,443 --> 00:46:02,677
You're one of Xavier's.
1131
00:46:02,710 --> 00:46:04,377
[Deadpool] You-You know him?
You know Chuck?
1132
00:46:04,411 --> 00:46:05,876
Oh, I knew him.
1133
00:46:05,909 --> 00:46:07,311
We shared a womb.
1134
00:46:07,344 --> 00:46:09,509
Tried to strangle
the sly little fellow
1135
00:46:09,542 --> 00:46:10,975
with my umbilical cord.
1136
00:46:11,008 --> 00:46:14,442
[Deadpool] Amen. I've never
loved roommates. Mine's blind.
1137
00:46:14,475 --> 00:46:16,142
Except she can see cocaine.
1138
00:46:16,176 --> 00:46:17,609
For some... reason.
1139
00:46:17,642 --> 00:46:20,775
You want to chime in,
Your Majesty? I'm dying here.
1140
00:46:20,808 --> 00:46:21,809
Who are you?
1141
00:46:21,842 --> 00:46:24,842
Charles Xavier's twin,
Cassandra Nova.
1142
00:46:24,875 --> 00:46:26,509
- Bullshit!
- I was an anal birth.
1143
00:46:26,542 --> 00:46:29,275
Hmm. You two are cute.
1144
00:46:29,309 --> 00:46:30,841
I have a good feeling
about this.
1145
00:46:33,675 --> 00:46:34,775
And I've been trying to catch
1146
00:46:34,808 --> 00:46:36,875
this little firefly for years.
1147
00:46:37,508 --> 00:46:39,175
Haven't I, Johnny?
1148
00:46:39,208 --> 00:46:42,574
Aw... You picked the wrong
time to make new friends.
1149
00:46:42,608 --> 00:46:44,974
[Deadpool] Oh, Johnny told us
all about you.
1150
00:46:45,007 --> 00:46:46,541
- Maybe shut up now.
- Yeah, maybe don't...
1151
00:46:46,574 --> 00:46:47,640
[Deadpool]
We're just talkin' here.
1152
00:46:47,674 --> 00:46:48,807
Yeah, Johnny told us
1153
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:51,007
you're a psychotic
megalomaniacal asshole.
1154
00:46:51,041 --> 00:46:54,674
His words, not mine. Hellbent
on domination and pain.
1155
00:46:55,640 --> 00:46:57,207
You said all that about me?
1156
00:46:57,241 --> 00:46:58,940
No! No! I don't...
1157
00:46:58,973 --> 00:47:01,207
- I didn't say any of that!
- Sticks and stones, Johnny!
1158
00:47:02,707 --> 00:47:04,707
Don't let her intimidate you.
1159
00:47:04,740 --> 00:47:06,607
It's like you said
in the convoy.
1160
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:08,572
This finger-lickin' dead-inside
1161
00:47:08,606 --> 00:47:11,506
pixie slab of third rate
dime-store nut-milk
1162
00:47:11,539 --> 00:47:13,374
can eat your delicious
cinnamon ring
1163
00:47:13,408 --> 00:47:15,506
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
1164
00:47:15,539 --> 00:47:17,606
Okay. I have never said
any of those words
1165
00:47:17,639 --> 00:47:19,773
- in my entire life!
- [Deadpool] Ha! The modesty.
1166
00:47:19,806 --> 00:47:21,805
People think I'm a shit talker.
1167
00:47:21,838 --> 00:47:22,940
But this guy...
1168
00:47:22,973 --> 00:47:24,073
[smooches] Next level.
1169
00:47:24,107 --> 00:47:26,240
What? This... I... We...
1170
00:47:26,273 --> 00:47:27,606
I don't even know
what half of that means!
1171
00:47:27,639 --> 00:47:29,373
- This... I...
- My hat's off to you, sir.
1172
00:47:29,407 --> 00:47:30,438
- Truly.
- What? This...
1173
00:47:30,471 --> 00:47:32,438
I didn't... He's...
That's... I...
1174
00:47:32,471 --> 00:47:34,106
I... I don't...
1175
00:47:34,140 --> 00:47:36,039
- [Deadpool gasps]
- [heart beats]
1176
00:47:39,172 --> 00:47:40,272
[Deadpool]
Not my favorite Chris.
1177
00:47:40,306 --> 00:47:41,672
You stupid piece of shit.
1178
00:47:41,704 --> 00:47:42,771
You just got him fucking killed!
1179
00:47:42,804 --> 00:47:44,672
[Deadpool] Hey!
We're all grieving!
1180
00:47:44,705 --> 00:47:46,971
PS, do you know what
he was doing to the budget?
1181
00:47:47,004 --> 00:47:48,205
[shushing]
1182
00:47:49,505 --> 00:47:52,072
Alioth is hungry.
1183
00:47:52,105 --> 00:47:53,772
[Deadpool] There's been
some kind of mistake.
1184
00:47:53,805 --> 00:47:55,771
Big yellow is
a back-up Anchor Being,
1185
00:47:55,804 --> 00:47:58,437
and I'm Marvel Jesus.
MJ, if you're nasty.
1186
00:47:58,470 --> 00:47:59,504
This may be hard to hear,
1187
00:47:59,537 --> 00:48:01,238
but there's
another British villain
1188
00:48:01,271 --> 00:48:02,371
who's gonna destroy my universe,
1189
00:48:02,405 --> 00:48:03,537
and I'm gonna stop him.
1190
00:48:03,570 --> 00:48:05,072
Oh, honey,
you don't really strike me
1191
00:48:05,105 --> 00:48:06,737
as the world-saving type.
1192
00:48:07,671 --> 00:48:09,104
[thunder rumbling in distance]
1193
00:48:09,138 --> 00:48:10,970
Did I hit a nerve?
1194
00:48:11,003 --> 00:48:12,703
[Deadpool] I didn't want it
to come to this.
1195
00:48:13,337 --> 00:48:14,371
Either you help us
1196
00:48:14,405 --> 00:48:15,736
or my friend here is gonna sing
1197
00:48:15,770 --> 00:48:17,569
the entire second act
of Music Man
1198
00:48:17,603 --> 00:48:18,836
with zero warm-up.
1199
00:48:19,536 --> 00:48:20,803
Where'd you get the chair?
1200
00:48:20,836 --> 00:48:21,869
[Cassandra Nova]
Well, once in a while,
1201
00:48:21,902 --> 00:48:23,937
I do get a Charles through here.
1202
00:48:23,970 --> 00:48:25,370
Never mine, though.
1203
00:48:25,404 --> 00:48:28,569
No. He didn't care to find me.
1204
00:48:28,603 --> 00:48:32,170
[Deadpool groans] Gen Z
and their trauma-bragging!
1205
00:48:32,203 --> 00:48:35,137
Can't you just stuff it down,
turn it into accomplishment
1206
00:48:35,170 --> 00:48:36,769
or cancer like the rest of us?
1207
00:48:36,802 --> 00:48:38,635
But I'm not like
the rest of you.
1208
00:48:38,669 --> 00:48:40,602
Except maybe the Wolverine.
1209
00:48:40,635 --> 00:48:43,269
Now, we could be
truly terrifying together.
1210
00:48:43,303 --> 00:48:44,602
You're that scary, huh?
1211
00:48:44,635 --> 00:48:46,936
The TVA certainly thought so.
1212
00:48:46,969 --> 00:48:49,602
They sent me here
before I could walk.
1213
00:48:49,635 --> 00:48:51,102
And you know,
it's the best thing
1214
00:48:51,136 --> 00:48:52,901
that ever happened to me.
1215
00:48:52,935 --> 00:48:53,801
I love it here.
1216
00:48:53,834 --> 00:48:55,169
[Deadpool] You live
in a garbage dump.
1217
00:48:55,202 --> 00:48:58,567
I think we both know who lives
in the garbage dump.
1218
00:48:58,601 --> 00:49:00,434
The Void is a paradise.
1219
00:49:00,467 --> 00:49:04,567
I can wield my power here
without shame.
1220
00:49:04,601 --> 00:49:06,567
Unfortunately I had
no Charles Xavier
1221
00:49:06,601 --> 00:49:08,567
to teach me temperance.
1222
00:49:08,601 --> 00:49:10,567
What about your Charles?
1223
00:49:10,601 --> 00:49:11,900
Did he protect you?
1224
00:49:12,533 --> 00:49:14,700
Did he make you feel safe?
1225
00:49:14,733 --> 00:49:16,668
We're mutants.
We're never safe.
1226
00:49:16,701 --> 00:49:19,101
- [roars]
- [Cassandra whoops]
1227
00:49:19,434 --> 00:49:20,633
[chuckles]
1228
00:49:21,001 --> 00:49:22,068
[whoops]
1229
00:49:24,766 --> 00:49:25,800
[Deadpool] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1230
00:49:25,833 --> 00:49:27,600
I don't...
I don't want the smoke.
1231
00:49:27,633 --> 00:49:28,800
I don't have any beef with you.
1232
00:49:28,833 --> 00:49:30,433
I just want to save my friends.
1233
00:49:30,466 --> 00:49:31,732
I just... I want to go home.
1234
00:49:31,766 --> 00:49:33,599
Well, the thing is,
I could get you home.
1235
00:49:33,632 --> 00:49:35,401
- Good.
- But I don't want to.
1236
00:49:35,433 --> 00:49:37,700
[Deadpool] Not good.
[groaning]
1237
00:49:40,100 --> 00:49:42,632
What do you want, Wade Wilson?
1238
00:49:42,666 --> 00:49:45,166
[Deadpool straining] Your...
fingers are inside me,
1239
00:49:45,199 --> 00:49:46,433
but not in a good way.
1240
00:49:46,466 --> 00:49:49,432
My brother could enter
one's mind with a thought.
1241
00:49:49,465 --> 00:49:51,765
I have to get my hands dirty.
1242
00:49:51,798 --> 00:49:54,099
- [Deadpool groaning]
- [shushing]
1243
00:49:54,831 --> 00:49:56,100
I've got you.
1244
00:49:58,432 --> 00:49:59,831
[whispers] I've got you...
1245
00:50:02,232 --> 00:50:03,464
[Wade, muffled]
What do you mean?
1246
00:50:05,098 --> 00:50:07,933
I can't... I can't reach you.
You're not here.
1247
00:50:07,966 --> 00:50:09,631
I'm right here.
1248
00:50:09,665 --> 00:50:12,631
- No, you're not. I can't...
- I'm right here.
1249
00:50:12,665 --> 00:50:14,864
Then show me.
You got to do something.
1250
00:50:16,098 --> 00:50:17,531
Show you what?
1251
00:50:17,564 --> 00:50:21,430
Show me you care about
something bigger than you.
1252
00:50:21,463 --> 00:50:25,497
Ever since they turned you
down, you took a knee.
1253
00:50:26,164 --> 00:50:28,132
Baby, you never got back up.
1254
00:50:30,298 --> 00:50:32,164
I know you're
going through something.
1255
00:50:32,197 --> 00:50:35,064
Let me go through it with you.
1256
00:50:35,097 --> 00:50:37,497
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
- Your crazy matches my crazy.
1257
00:50:40,597 --> 00:50:41,997
Where'd you go?
1258
00:50:42,496 --> 00:50:43,964
[Wade] Oh, my God.
1259
00:50:45,330 --> 00:50:46,931
[♪ melancholy music playing]
1260
00:50:46,964 --> 00:50:48,663
You just say it. Okay?
1261
00:50:49,363 --> 00:50:50,397
Say, "I don't want you.
1262
00:50:50,429 --> 00:50:52,862
"I don't want to be with you."
1263
00:50:52,896 --> 00:50:54,363
Go ahead. Say it.
Say... Say, "I don't..."
1264
00:50:54,397 --> 00:50:55,828
Say it.
You don't wanna be with me.
1265
00:50:55,862 --> 00:50:57,330
Tell me that and I'll walk away.
1266
00:50:57,363 --> 00:50:58,397
Say, "I don't want you."
1267
00:50:58,429 --> 00:51:00,728
[♪ melancholy music continues]
1268
00:51:04,561 --> 00:51:06,229
[sighs] Fuck...
1269
00:51:06,262 --> 00:51:08,896
You'll never fucking matter.
1270
00:51:12,795 --> 00:51:14,628
What?
1271
00:51:14,662 --> 00:51:17,461
- You'll never fucking matter.
- Fucking matter.
1272
00:51:17,495 --> 00:51:19,828
[♪ melancholy music continues]
1273
00:51:23,396 --> 00:51:26,028
- [Vanessa] You'll...
- [Cassandra] You'll...
1274
00:51:26,061 --> 00:51:27,995
- never...
- never...
1275
00:51:28,029 --> 00:51:29,262
- fucking...
- fucking...
1276
00:51:29,296 --> 00:51:32,129
- matter.
- matter...
1277
00:51:34,161 --> 00:51:35,494
[Deadpool]
She never said that.
1278
00:51:35,527 --> 00:51:36,626
- [Cassandra] No.
- [groans]
1279
00:51:36,660 --> 00:51:38,594
[in mocking tone]
But I bet she thought it.
1280
00:51:38,627 --> 00:51:39,661
[Deadpool splutters]
1281
00:51:39,694 --> 00:51:42,427
[Deadpool groans]
You are so mean!
1282
00:51:42,460 --> 00:51:43,593
My brain could taste
your fingers,
1283
00:51:43,626 --> 00:51:45,760
and they tasted like hate!
1284
00:51:45,793 --> 00:51:48,494
And where in God's name
is the intimacy coordinator?
1285
00:51:48,527 --> 00:51:51,328
You're so lost, Mr. Wilson.
1286
00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,760
And long before you came here.
1287
00:51:55,160 --> 00:51:56,193
This is Baby Knife.
1288
00:51:56,227 --> 00:51:57,492
She's gonna fuck you
in the face now.
1289
00:51:57,525 --> 00:51:58,793
If you want to kill me,
1290
00:51:58,827 --> 00:52:00,693
it's going to take
more than a little blade.
1291
00:52:00,726 --> 00:52:02,526
[Deadpool] How about six?
1292
00:52:02,559 --> 00:52:06,226
[laughs mockingly]
My boy's wicked strong.
1293
00:52:06,259 --> 00:52:07,893
That's my big boy.
1294
00:52:07,926 --> 00:52:09,394
Yes, you are.
1295
00:52:09,426 --> 00:52:10,692
[groans]
1296
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:12,558
[laughs]
1297
00:52:15,458 --> 00:52:17,026
[Cassandra]
Well, this has been fun.
1298
00:52:17,059 --> 00:52:19,326
But the big guy needs to eat,
and the rent is due.
1299
00:52:19,359 --> 00:52:21,092
- [eerie roar]
- [thunder roaring]
1300
00:52:22,759 --> 00:52:23,792
By the way,
1301
00:52:23,825 --> 00:52:25,259
you're the rent.
1302
00:52:25,293 --> 00:52:27,491
[rumbling]
1303
00:52:35,225 --> 00:52:36,557
[roars]
1304
00:52:39,892 --> 00:52:40,926
[henchmen screaming]
1305
00:52:44,424 --> 00:52:47,257
- [electrical whine]
- Come on! Fuck!
1306
00:52:47,291 --> 00:52:48,456
- [engine starts]
- You comin' or what?
1307
00:52:48,490 --> 00:52:49,691
[Deadpool] Coming!
1308
00:52:59,891 --> 00:53:02,090
[engine sputtering in distance]
1309
00:53:04,790 --> 00:53:06,489
- [distant scream]
- [engine bursts]
1310
00:53:06,957 --> 00:53:08,290
[grunting]
1311
00:53:08,323 --> 00:53:09,622
[both groan]
1312
00:53:09,656 --> 00:53:10,723
What you thinkin' 'bout?
1313
00:53:10,758 --> 00:53:12,423
- Get the fuck off of me!
- Shh, shh, shh.
1314
00:53:12,456 --> 00:53:14,555
- [strains] Almost done.
- Almost done what?
1315
00:53:14,589 --> 00:53:16,489
Getting my knife out
of your buttocks,
1316
00:53:16,522 --> 00:53:18,256
- pervert!
- Aah! Fuck!
1317
00:53:18,290 --> 00:53:20,157
Get your mind out of my pants!
1318
00:53:20,190 --> 00:53:22,522
- I'm telling Blake.
- New rules.
1319
00:53:22,890 --> 00:53:23,757
I talk now.
1320
00:53:23,790 --> 00:53:25,323
That's gonna be very hard
on the audience.
1321
00:53:25,356 --> 00:53:27,956
Shut the fuck up!
1322
00:53:27,989 --> 00:53:28,989
Let me fuckin' think.
1323
00:53:29,023 --> 00:53:31,089
Now we gotta get back
to Paradox, right?
1324
00:53:33,023 --> 00:53:34,621
Right?
1325
00:53:34,655 --> 00:53:36,856
Je m'excuse. Am I allowed
to speak now or...
1326
00:53:36,889 --> 00:53:39,155
Just nod, asshole.
1327
00:53:40,856 --> 00:53:41,856
Right.
1328
00:53:41,889 --> 00:53:43,421
Then we find the others
that poor kid, Johnny,
1329
00:53:43,454 --> 00:53:44,688
was talking about
before you got him killed!
1330
00:53:44,722 --> 00:53:46,521
[Deadpool] "Poor kid."
He's, like, 50!
1331
00:53:46,554 --> 00:53:47,587
Yeah, if there's
a chance they know
1332
00:53:47,620 --> 00:53:49,254
how to get out of here,
we find 'em.
1333
00:53:49,288 --> 00:53:51,255
And make those TVA fuckers
fix my shit
1334
00:53:51,289 --> 00:53:52,588
like you fucking promised!
1335
00:53:52,621 --> 00:53:54,088
[Deadpool] I smell quest.
1336
00:53:54,122 --> 00:53:55,620
[sniffing]
1337
00:53:56,888 --> 00:53:57,888
I smell food.
1338
00:54:01,022 --> 00:54:04,688
So what made you finally wear
an honest-to-God costume?
1339
00:54:06,254 --> 00:54:08,419
Mine's red
so they can't see me bleed.
1340
00:54:08,452 --> 00:54:11,288
But I could see how
yellow would be useful too.
1341
00:54:11,321 --> 00:54:12,954
Have you been checked for ADHD?
1342
00:54:12,987 --> 00:54:14,288
Mm-mm.
1343
00:54:14,321 --> 00:54:16,419
But I've had several STDs,
1344
00:54:16,452 --> 00:54:18,619
which were probably caused
by ADHD.
1345
00:54:18,653 --> 00:54:19,720
Fuck!
1346
00:54:20,618 --> 00:54:22,221
What are you looking for?
1347
00:54:22,254 --> 00:54:23,820
Oh. Thank fuck.
1348
00:54:24,887 --> 00:54:26,753
No, no, no, no, no.
That's rubbing alcohol.
1349
00:54:26,786 --> 00:54:28,287
You don't want to drink...
Oh, yeah.
1350
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:29,719
There you go. Fuck that liver.
1351
00:54:30,120 --> 00:54:31,152
[exhales]
1352
00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:33,053
- Good. Okay.
- [sighs]
1353
00:54:34,086 --> 00:54:35,186
What the fuck are those?
1354
00:54:35,819 --> 00:54:36,686
Oh.
1355
00:54:36,719 --> 00:54:38,653
Back in civilian life,
I wear a toupee,
1356
00:54:38,686 --> 00:54:40,386
but nobody knows. [chuckles]
1357
00:54:40,418 --> 00:54:41,686
[laughing]
1358
00:54:42,819 --> 00:54:44,418
Everybody knows.
1359
00:54:46,852 --> 00:54:48,418
Wanna talk about
what's haunting you,
1360
00:54:48,451 --> 00:54:50,685
or should we wait
for a third act flashback?
1361
00:54:50,718 --> 00:54:52,819
Ah... Go fuck yourself.
1362
00:54:56,085 --> 00:54:57,085
You know...
1363
00:54:58,652 --> 00:55:00,984
in my world, you're...
[clears throat]
1364
00:55:02,219 --> 00:55:03,417
You're well regarded.
1365
00:55:03,450 --> 00:55:05,085
Yeah, well, not in mine.
1366
00:55:06,051 --> 00:55:07,984
They don't like me much
in mine either.
1367
00:55:08,018 --> 00:55:09,417
You don't say.
1368
00:55:09,450 --> 00:55:11,516
I wanted to be something,
you know. I...
1369
00:55:12,385 --> 00:55:14,118
Shit, I wanted to be an Avenger.
1370
00:55:14,151 --> 00:55:16,549
- Fuck the Avengers.
- Yeah.
1371
00:55:16,583 --> 00:55:18,851
I didn't make the cut, though.
Same with the X-Men...
1372
00:55:20,784 --> 00:55:21,850
When my girlfriend left me,
1373
00:55:21,883 --> 00:55:23,450
- and I just...
- You had a girlfriend?
1374
00:55:23,817 --> 00:55:24,851
Yeah.
1375
00:55:25,250 --> 00:55:26,617
Vanessa.
1376
00:55:26,651 --> 00:55:28,183
When we met, she was a dancer.
1377
00:55:29,350 --> 00:55:30,548
We had a whole life.
1378
00:55:31,783 --> 00:55:33,384
It was good.
1379
00:55:33,416 --> 00:55:35,617
But, oh, boy, I just... Mwah.
1380
00:55:36,683 --> 00:55:38,482
Fucked that right up.
1381
00:55:39,182 --> 00:55:40,316
But you,
1382
00:55:40,349 --> 00:55:41,683
you were an X-Man.
1383
00:55:41,716 --> 00:55:43,783
Fuck that.
You were the X-Man. You...
1384
00:55:45,515 --> 00:55:46,850
The Wolverine.
1385
00:55:49,149 --> 00:55:50,782
He was a hero in my world.
1386
00:55:52,547 --> 00:55:53,750
Yeah, well...
1387
00:55:54,916 --> 00:55:56,049
he ain't shit in mine.
1388
00:56:01,481 --> 00:56:04,082
You said, "Logan was a hero."
What happened?
1389
00:56:04,982 --> 00:56:05,982
He died.
1390
00:56:06,649 --> 00:56:07,981
How?
1391
00:56:08,015 --> 00:56:10,614
Well, technically, you were
chest-fucked by a tree, but,
1392
00:56:10,648 --> 00:56:12,413
really, you just
ran out of batteries
1393
00:56:12,446 --> 00:56:14,682
- trying to save someone.
- Who?
1394
00:56:14,715 --> 00:56:16,582
The shitheels
that grew her in a lab
1395
00:56:16,615 --> 00:56:18,148
called her "X-23." But...
1396
00:56:18,948 --> 00:56:20,648
she was just a kid.
1397
00:56:20,681 --> 00:56:24,315
A younger, daintier,
somehow meaner version of you.
1398
00:56:24,348 --> 00:56:26,115
You died trying to save her.
1399
00:56:26,148 --> 00:56:27,614
It was beautiful.
1400
00:56:27,648 --> 00:56:30,614
Look, mijo,
I know you're hurtin'.
1401
00:56:30,648 --> 00:56:33,047
My blind, elderly,
African-American roommate,
1402
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:36,314
Blind Al, always says that
pain teaches us who we are.
1403
00:56:36,347 --> 00:56:38,014
Sometimes we need to listen
to that pain
1404
00:56:38,047 --> 00:56:39,080
instead of running from it.
1405
00:56:39,114 --> 00:56:40,747
- Holy shit.
- Yeah, she's wise.
1406
00:56:40,780 --> 00:56:43,380
No, no, no. That's her name?
You call her "Blind Al"?
1407
00:56:43,412 --> 00:56:44,614
Well, she's blind.
1408
00:56:45,047 --> 00:56:46,281
[dog barking]
1409
00:56:46,314 --> 00:56:49,412
[♪ ballad music plays, Chris
de Burgh "The Lady in Red"]
1410
00:56:56,380 --> 00:57:00,979
♪ I've never seen you looking
so lovely as you did tonight ♪
1411
00:57:01,013 --> 00:57:06,612
♪ I've never seen you shine
so bright, mm-hmm, hmm ♪
1412
00:57:07,512 --> 00:57:11,178
♪ The lady in red ♪
1413
00:57:13,444 --> 00:57:16,411
♪ Is dancing with me ♪
1414
00:57:17,612 --> 00:57:19,678
♪ Cheek to cheek ♪
1415
00:57:19,711 --> 00:57:22,078
♪ There's nobody here... ♪
1416
00:57:22,112 --> 00:57:23,410
Look at you!
1417
00:57:23,443 --> 00:57:24,544
She's coming with us.
1418
00:57:24,578 --> 00:57:26,479
- No, she's not. Fuck no!
- Oh, yes, she is.
1419
00:57:26,512 --> 00:57:27,912
- Oh, yes...
- [man] Sorry!
1420
00:57:27,945 --> 00:57:30,645
- [♪ song stops]
- Sorry about that!
1421
00:57:30,678 --> 00:57:32,911
Come here, girl! [chuckles]
1422
00:57:32,944 --> 00:57:34,211
Who are you?
1423
00:57:34,244 --> 00:57:35,578
Oh, I'm Deadpool.
1424
00:57:35,611 --> 00:57:37,378
And I guess you're Deadpool too.
1425
00:57:37,410 --> 00:57:39,478
But in here, everybody
calls me "Nicepool."
1426
00:57:39,511 --> 00:57:41,177
Oh, my goodness.
Wait till you see Ladypool.
1427
00:57:41,211 --> 00:57:42,577
She is gorgeous.
1428
00:57:42,610 --> 00:57:44,744
She just had a baby too.
And... [blows sharply]
1429
00:57:44,777 --> 00:57:45,711
Can't even tell.
1430
00:57:45,745 --> 00:57:47,211
I don't think you're supposed
to say that.
1431
00:57:47,244 --> 00:57:48,677
That's okay.
1432
00:57:48,710 --> 00:57:50,310
I identify as a feminist.
1433
00:57:50,343 --> 00:57:51,543
Right.
1434
00:57:53,176 --> 00:57:54,477
Are those gold-plated,
1435
00:57:54,509 --> 00:57:56,644
.50 caliber Desert Eagle
pistoleros?
1436
00:57:56,677 --> 00:57:57,677
'Course.
1437
00:57:57,710 --> 00:57:59,043
To match my ear huggie.
1438
00:57:59,076 --> 00:58:00,377
Can I have 'em?
1439
00:58:00,409 --> 00:58:02,310
[laughs] Over my dead body.
1440
00:58:02,342 --> 00:58:03,576
[chuckles] You're fun.
1441
00:58:03,609 --> 00:58:06,076
And I guess you've
already met Mary Puppins.
1442
00:58:06,110 --> 00:58:07,876
AKA Dogpool.
1443
00:58:07,910 --> 00:58:09,243
Careful where you put
your hands.
1444
00:58:09,277 --> 00:58:12,009
She's ninety percent g-spot,
and she'll let you know it.
1445
00:58:12,042 --> 00:58:15,708
You let this little flirt out
of your sight for one second
1446
00:58:15,742 --> 00:58:17,876
and she starts shopping
for a new papa.
1447
00:58:17,910 --> 00:58:20,042
If you can't be
a responsible pet owner,
1448
00:58:20,075 --> 00:58:22,842
then maybe you don't deserve
this little unicorn.
1449
00:58:22,875 --> 00:58:25,108
Guilty on all charges,
Your Honor.
1450
00:58:25,141 --> 00:58:26,174
Shan't happen again.
1451
00:58:26,208 --> 00:58:27,675
Why are you so nice?
1452
00:58:27,708 --> 00:58:29,309
Oh, it costs nothing to be kind.
1453
00:58:29,342 --> 00:58:31,141
Shutting the fuck up
is also free.
1454
00:58:31,174 --> 00:58:32,608
- Caliente.
- This is Logan.
1455
00:58:32,642 --> 00:58:33,774
He's usually shirtless,
1456
00:58:33,807 --> 00:58:35,707
but he's let himself go
since the divorce.
1457
00:58:36,975 --> 00:58:38,608
Where's your mask?
1458
00:58:41,174 --> 00:58:42,208
Come on, guys.
1459
00:58:42,241 --> 00:58:43,741
[bird screeches in distance]
1460
00:58:43,774 --> 00:58:44,741
Ugh, this guy.
1461
00:58:44,774 --> 00:58:46,307
We're looking
for a group of survivors.
1462
00:58:46,340 --> 00:58:47,441
Oh, they're out there.
1463
00:58:47,475 --> 00:58:49,241
Yeah, but merc to merc,
you better hope
1464
00:58:49,275 --> 00:58:51,041
that you don't run
into the Deadpool corps.
1465
00:58:51,074 --> 00:58:52,041
Yeah, they're crazy.
1466
00:58:52,074 --> 00:58:53,741
They will chop you up
into a thousand pieces
1467
00:58:53,774 --> 00:58:55,040
and hide you all over The Void.
1468
00:58:55,073 --> 00:58:57,041
If they could only process
their childhood trauma,
1469
00:58:57,074 --> 00:58:58,908
they'd go on one heck
of a healing journey.
1470
00:58:58,941 --> 00:59:00,207
Look, we're headed
for the borderlands.
1471
00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:01,507
You know where it is?
1472
00:59:01,540 --> 00:59:04,307
Yeah, that...
that's 12 klicks due west.
1473
00:59:04,339 --> 00:59:05,640
I can lend you my ride,
if you like.
1474
00:59:05,673 --> 00:59:07,741
It would be my honor.
1475
00:59:10,107 --> 00:59:11,107
[birds chirping]
1476
00:59:11,140 --> 00:59:13,306
[Deadpool] Oh, no, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
1477
00:59:13,339 --> 00:59:15,439
Uh-uh. What the...
No! No!
1478
00:59:15,473 --> 00:59:16,506
Just get in the car.
1479
00:59:16,538 --> 00:59:17,706
This isn't a car.
1480
00:59:17,740 --> 00:59:20,206
This is a Honda fuckin' Odyssey.
1481
00:59:20,239 --> 00:59:22,239
Throttle response sucks a cock.
1482
00:59:22,273 --> 00:59:23,473
Dated infotainment system.
1483
00:59:23,506 --> 00:59:25,239
When Honda saw
that untreated chlamydia
1484
00:59:25,272 --> 00:59:26,438
was makin' a comeback,
1485
00:59:26,472 --> 00:59:29,172
they invented
the Honda Odyssey to compete.
1486
00:59:29,206 --> 00:59:32,305
Get in the fucking car.
1487
00:59:32,339 --> 00:59:34,272
She'll get you there
safe and sound.
1488
00:59:34,305 --> 00:59:36,538
Old Betsy always does.
1489
00:59:36,572 --> 00:59:38,972
You're gonna have to
give me my dog back, though.
1490
00:59:39,006 --> 00:59:40,339
[Deadpool] I know. Listen.
1491
00:59:40,373 --> 00:59:41,871
- [Dogpool whimpers]
- Yes, child.
1492
00:59:41,905 --> 00:59:44,205
If you ever wanna give her up,
or if she needs a new home,
1493
00:59:44,238 --> 00:59:46,237
or if something
should happen to you,
1494
00:59:46,271 --> 00:59:47,471
I'd love to be her papa.
1495
00:59:47,504 --> 00:59:49,905
[laughs] What would
ever happen to me?
1496
00:59:49,938 --> 00:59:51,071
[Deadpool] Lots of stuff.
1497
00:59:54,638 --> 00:59:56,004
- Jesus.
- [Deadpool] No!
1498
00:59:56,037 --> 00:59:57,837
We're running away. [grunts]
1499
00:59:57,870 --> 00:59:59,638
- [Wolverine] Give me that.
- The corn was too dense, girl!
1500
00:59:59,671 --> 01:00:00,704
- [Wolverine] There.
- Come here!
1501
01:00:00,738 --> 01:00:02,170
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- [Nicepool] Hello!
1502
01:00:04,037 --> 01:00:05,170
- [engine starts]
- Bye.
1503
01:00:05,204 --> 01:00:07,803
[♪ Avril Lavigne "I'm With
You" plays on car stereo]
1504
01:00:07,837 --> 01:00:08,671
[sighs]
1505
01:00:08,704 --> 01:00:13,004
♪ It's a damn cold night ♪
1506
01:00:13,037 --> 01:00:17,802
♪ Trying to figure out
this life ♪
1507
01:00:17,836 --> 01:00:20,536
♪ Won't you take me
by the hand? ♪
1508
01:00:20,570 --> 01:00:22,903
♪ Take me somewhere new ♪
1509
01:00:22,936 --> 01:00:27,569
♪ I don't know who you are
But I ♪
1510
01:00:27,602 --> 01:00:30,003
♪ I'm with you... ♪
1511
01:00:30,969 --> 01:00:32,502
[Deadpool] Okay,
I'm just gonna ask...
1512
01:00:32,535 --> 01:00:33,669
What's with the suit?
1513
01:00:33,702 --> 01:00:35,402
First thing I did
when I flamed out,
1514
01:00:35,435 --> 01:00:36,502
- I took mine off.
- Drop it.
1515
01:00:36,535 --> 01:00:37,868
[Deadpool] It's not that ugly.
1516
01:00:37,902 --> 01:00:39,502
- Stop talking about my suit.
- Did you make it yourself?
1517
01:00:39,535 --> 01:00:40,969
- Been there.
- Quit. Now.
1518
01:00:41,003 --> 01:00:44,068
The X-Men make you wear it?
Those sons of fuckin' bitches.
1519
01:00:44,102 --> 01:00:45,801
They are not your friends,
I'll tell you that.
1520
01:00:45,835 --> 01:00:48,335
Friends don't let friends
leave the house lookin' like
1521
01:00:48,369 --> 01:00:50,202
they fight crime
for the Los Angeles Rams.
1522
01:00:50,235 --> 01:00:51,569
Shut the fuck up
about this, or...
1523
01:00:51,602 --> 01:00:53,701
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch
your frown lines, angel baby.
1524
01:00:53,735 --> 01:00:54,935
I'm just trying
to bond a little bit.
1525
01:00:54,968 --> 01:00:56,601
Yeah, well, then talk
about somethin' else.
1526
01:00:56,635 --> 01:00:57,635
Fine.
1527
01:01:01,068 --> 01:01:02,701
Pshew. Pshew, pshew.
1528
01:01:03,201 --> 01:01:04,302
Pshew!
1529
01:01:04,335 --> 01:01:06,901
- Stop it.
- Pshew.
1530
01:01:06,934 --> 01:01:08,567
If they can fix your world,
what's the first thing
1531
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:09,701
you're gonna do
when you get out of here?
1532
01:01:09,735 --> 01:01:11,201
Get some rubbing alcohol shots,
1533
01:01:11,235 --> 01:01:12,901
maybe a wiper fluid chaser?
1534
01:01:12,934 --> 01:01:14,700
- What did you say?
- I said when you get back,
1535
01:01:14,734 --> 01:01:15,967
what's the first thing
you're gonna do?
1536
01:01:16,001 --> 01:01:17,567
No, no, no. Before that.
1537
01:01:18,567 --> 01:01:20,500
If... they can fix your world?
1538
01:01:21,167 --> 01:01:22,167
[grunts]
1539
01:01:24,400 --> 01:01:25,966
What do you mean, "if"?
1540
01:01:26,567 --> 01:01:27,599
- I mean...
- You lied to me.
1541
01:01:27,633 --> 01:01:28,799
You don't have a fucking clue
1542
01:01:28,833 --> 01:01:30,500
if they can help me
fix things, do you?
1543
01:01:30,533 --> 01:01:32,166
No. I mean... Ow!
1544
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:34,833
Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!
1545
01:01:34,866 --> 01:01:37,900
- You lied!
- No! I made an educated wish!
1546
01:01:39,599 --> 01:01:41,066
Because I need you.
1547
01:01:42,033 --> 01:01:45,832
This. This is why. Right here.
1548
01:01:45,865 --> 01:01:47,765
'Cause if we don't do
something, they die.
1549
01:01:47,798 --> 01:01:50,032
I don't know anything
about saving worlds.
1550
01:01:50,065 --> 01:01:51,599
And why would I even care?
1551
01:01:51,633 --> 01:01:55,099
Because my entire world
is right here in this picture.
1552
01:01:55,132 --> 01:01:56,932
It's only nine people,
1553
01:01:56,965 --> 01:02:00,366
and I have no idea
how to save it alone.
1554
01:02:00,398 --> 01:02:02,565
I know how to fuck people up
for money. But you,
1555
01:02:02,598 --> 01:02:04,465
you know how to save 'em!
1556
01:02:05,465 --> 01:02:06,632
At least
the other Wolverine did.
1557
01:02:06,665 --> 01:02:07,864
- [flesh squelching]
- [groans]
1558
01:02:07,898 --> 01:02:10,831
Fuck! I guess I'm stuck
with the worst one.
1559
01:02:10,864 --> 01:02:12,998
Did you say you made
1560
01:02:13,031 --> 01:02:16,365
an educated fucking wish?
1561
01:02:16,397 --> 01:02:18,597
They call me
"The Merc with the Mouth."
1562
01:02:18,631 --> 01:02:20,697
They don't call me
"Truthful Timmy,
1563
01:02:20,730 --> 01:02:22,731
"the Blowjob Queen
of Saskatoon."
1564
01:02:23,266 --> 01:02:24,664
[grunts in pain]
1565
01:02:26,430 --> 01:02:27,631
One more word.
1566
01:02:28,596 --> 01:02:31,497
Please give me one.
[breathing heavily]
1567
01:02:33,863 --> 01:02:34,997
Gubernatorial.
1568
01:02:35,030 --> 01:02:36,796
[yelps] Oh, fuck!
1569
01:02:38,297 --> 01:02:39,830
You know what?
You're a fucking joke.
1570
01:02:41,463 --> 01:02:42,897
No wonder the Avengers
didn't take you.
1571
01:02:42,930 --> 01:02:45,796
Or the X-Men. And they'll take
fucking anyone.
1572
01:02:45,830 --> 01:02:47,230
I mean, you are
1573
01:02:47,264 --> 01:02:50,896
a ridiculous, immature,
half-wit moron.
1574
01:02:51,395 --> 01:02:53,264
I have never met
1575
01:02:53,297 --> 01:02:54,563
a sadder,
1576
01:02:54,596 --> 01:02:57,197
more attention-starved,
jabbering little prick
1577
01:02:57,230 --> 01:02:58,562
in my entire life.
1578
01:02:58,595 --> 01:03:00,662
And that says a lot,
'cause I've been alive
1579
01:03:00,695 --> 01:03:03,364
for more than 200 fuckin' years,
1580
01:03:03,396 --> 01:03:04,662
and I'll tell ya,
1581
01:03:04,695 --> 01:03:06,462
that bald chick
was right about one thing.
1582
01:03:06,495 --> 01:03:09,162
You will never save the world!
1583
01:03:09,196 --> 01:03:11,895
You couldn't even save
a relationship
1584
01:03:11,928 --> 01:03:13,729
with a goddamn stripper!
1585
01:03:13,762 --> 01:03:16,428
And motherfucker, I wish
I could say you'd die alone,
1586
01:03:16,462 --> 01:03:19,494
but it's one of God's
best jokes that you can't die,
1587
01:03:19,527 --> 01:03:21,128
except that's on all of us!
1588
01:03:25,196 --> 01:03:27,594
Oh, you got nothing to say,
Mouth?
1589
01:03:27,628 --> 01:03:28,927
[breathing heavily]
1590
01:03:36,295 --> 01:03:38,027
[Deadpool]
I'm gonna fight you now.
1591
01:03:38,060 --> 01:03:39,927
[laughs]
1592
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:41,593
[snorts] Oh, are you?
1593
01:03:45,295 --> 01:03:47,727
[song plays on radio,
song changing]
1594
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:50,327
[♪ upbeat pop music plays,
"You're the One That I Want"]
1595
01:03:50,361 --> 01:03:51,626
[grunting]
1596
01:03:51,659 --> 01:03:54,160
- [groaning]
- Mm. Not talkin' now, are ya?
1597
01:03:54,194 --> 01:03:56,727
♪ And I'm losing control ♪
1598
01:03:56,759 --> 01:04:00,659
♪ 'Cause the power
you're supplying ♪
1599
01:04:00,692 --> 01:04:01,926
[Deadpool]
Oh, you dirty bitch.
1600
01:04:04,261 --> 01:04:05,826
[growls]
1601
01:04:05,859 --> 01:04:08,159
- [yelling]
- ♪ You better shape up ♪
1602
01:04:08,193 --> 01:04:09,826
♪ 'Cause I need a man ♪
1603
01:04:09,858 --> 01:04:11,559
[both grunting]
1604
01:04:11,591 --> 01:04:14,692
♪ And my heart is set on you ♪
1605
01:04:14,726 --> 01:04:17,059
♪ You better shape up ♪
1606
01:04:17,093 --> 01:04:18,525
- [laughs]
- [Deadpool] Whoo!
1607
01:04:19,126 --> 01:04:20,193
[grunts]
1608
01:04:20,226 --> 01:04:22,791
♪ To my heart,
I must be true ♪
1609
01:04:22,825 --> 01:04:26,458
♪ Nothing left,
nothing left for me to do ♪
1610
01:04:26,491 --> 01:04:28,491
♪ You're the one that I want ♪
1611
01:04:29,259 --> 01:04:31,125
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1612
01:04:31,158 --> 01:04:32,690
♪ The one that I want ♪
1613
01:04:33,557 --> 01:04:34,791
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1614
01:04:34,825 --> 01:04:36,491
- [straining]
- No, no, no! [screams]
1615
01:04:36,524 --> 01:04:37,991
[screams in high pitch]
1616
01:04:38,025 --> 01:04:39,657
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- [bones crack]
1617
01:04:39,690 --> 01:04:43,724
♪ The one I need
Oh, yes, indeed... ♪
1618
01:04:46,391 --> 01:04:47,757
[choking]
1619
01:04:51,358 --> 01:04:52,789
[yells]
1620
01:04:55,058 --> 01:04:56,624
- Baby Knife!
- [screams]
1621
01:04:58,457 --> 01:04:59,723
[♪ song stops]
1622
01:04:59,756 --> 01:05:03,090
I take it all back.
The Honda Odyssey fucks hard.
1623
01:05:03,123 --> 01:05:04,489
Too bad you don't, needle dick.
1624
01:05:04,522 --> 01:05:05,789
Oh, we're just
gettin' started, bub.
1625
01:05:05,823 --> 01:05:07,589
- [yells]
- [♪ song resumes playing]
1626
01:05:08,623 --> 01:05:10,389
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey ♪
1627
01:05:10,422 --> 01:05:11,922
[Deadpool] Oh, you... Fuck!
1628
01:05:13,123 --> 01:05:14,688
- [Deadpool groaning loudly]
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
1629
01:05:14,722 --> 01:05:16,623
- ♪ The one I need ♪
- [groaning stops]
1630
01:05:16,656 --> 01:05:19,422
♪ Oh, yes, indeed ♪
1631
01:05:19,456 --> 01:05:21,056
♪ You're the one that I want ♪
1632
01:05:21,090 --> 01:05:22,123
[♪ song fades out]
1633
01:05:22,156 --> 01:05:23,588
[birds chirping]
1634
01:05:25,990 --> 01:05:27,555
[leaves rustling]
1635
01:05:30,755 --> 01:05:32,954
[♪ ominous music playing]
1636
01:05:35,223 --> 01:05:36,855
[car door opens and closes]
1637
01:05:36,889 --> 01:05:38,022
[engine starts]
1638
01:05:50,189 --> 01:05:52,454
[♪ cryptic music playing]
1639
01:05:53,021 --> 01:05:54,554
[water dripping]
1640
01:06:04,320 --> 01:06:05,620
[Deadpool] Thor!
1641
01:06:08,420 --> 01:06:09,453
Where are we?
1642
01:06:09,486 --> 01:06:12,920
No clue, but...
I like it here.
1643
01:06:12,953 --> 01:06:15,619
- [door opens]
- [♪ cryptic music intensifies]
1644
01:06:18,354 --> 01:06:20,386
[grunting]
1645
01:06:20,419 --> 01:06:22,585
[Deadpool] Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1646
01:06:22,619 --> 01:06:24,819
[♪ sentimental music playing]
1647
01:06:31,552 --> 01:06:33,418
- [♪ music pauses]
- [low growl]
1648
01:06:33,452 --> 01:06:35,919
[♪ dramatic electronic
music playing]
1649
01:06:45,484 --> 01:06:47,452
[electrical humming]
1650
01:06:52,818 --> 01:06:53,818
[cat meows]
1651
01:07:10,018 --> 01:07:11,051
[♪ music fades out]
1652
01:07:11,085 --> 01:07:12,951
Okay.
1653
01:07:12,985 --> 01:07:16,050
Look at you... all.
You must be the others.
1654
01:07:16,682 --> 01:07:17,717
Terrific.
1655
01:07:17,750 --> 01:07:21,017
So just to refresh, you are
1656
01:07:21,050 --> 01:07:21,984
- Wonder...
- Elektra.
1657
01:07:22,017 --> 01:07:24,483
[Deadpool] Elektra?
Yes. Who could forget?
1658
01:07:24,515 --> 01:07:27,650
And you. I was not expecting
to see you here.
1659
01:07:27,683 --> 01:07:29,383
I thought you were, you know,
1660
01:07:29,416 --> 01:07:30,950
retired. [chuckles]
1661
01:07:31,649 --> 01:07:32,649
Retarded?
1662
01:07:34,050 --> 01:07:35,083
[Deadpool] "Retired."
1663
01:07:35,116 --> 01:07:36,149
I'm already in The Void.
1664
01:07:36,183 --> 01:07:37,350
I'm not trying
to get canceled again.
1665
01:07:37,382 --> 01:07:39,449
- I don't like you.
- [Deadpool] You never did.
1666
01:07:40,816 --> 01:07:43,283
And who's this
succulent reminder
1667
01:07:43,316 --> 01:07:44,883
of my own inadequacies?
1668
01:07:44,916 --> 01:07:46,481
Look at you.
1669
01:07:46,514 --> 01:07:49,250
You look like the
superhero version of Hawkeye.
1670
01:07:49,283 --> 01:07:52,648
The name's Remy LeBeau,
Le Diable Blanc.
1671
01:07:52,681 --> 01:07:54,083
But you can call me the Gambit.
1672
01:07:54,116 --> 01:07:55,916
[Deadpool] It's been a while
since I've seen Sling Blade.
1673
01:07:55,948 --> 01:07:56,948
Hit me again.
1674
01:07:57,648 --> 01:07:58,816
They call me the Gambit.
1675
01:07:58,849 --> 01:08:00,183
[Deadpool] Do they?
Are you sure you didn't
1676
01:08:00,216 --> 01:08:01,414
just really,
really want them to,
1677
01:08:01,448 --> 01:08:02,816
but it never quite worked out?
1678
01:08:03,948 --> 01:08:05,414
[speaks indistinctly]
1679
01:08:05,448 --> 01:08:07,882
You know, we never had
a Wolverine up in here.
1680
01:08:08,548 --> 01:08:09,548
But I can tell you now,
1681
01:08:09,581 --> 01:08:11,581
it's just a common courtesy
to ask
1682
01:08:11,615 --> 01:08:13,349
before you drink up
all of my liquor.
1683
01:08:13,381 --> 01:08:15,614
Well, it's a good thing
I don't give a fuck.
1684
01:08:15,647 --> 01:08:17,881
[laughs, speaks indistinctly]
1685
01:08:18,948 --> 01:08:19,948
Fuck.
1686
01:08:22,413 --> 01:08:24,047
- [bottle smashes]
- [Deadpool] So embarrassing.
1687
01:08:25,114 --> 01:08:26,181
Boo, boo, boo.
1688
01:08:26,214 --> 01:08:27,314
Well, now that
that's settled, look,
1689
01:08:27,348 --> 01:08:28,746
we came a long way
to find you three.
1690
01:08:28,781 --> 01:08:30,513
- There's four of us.
- [Deadpool] There's four...
1691
01:08:30,547 --> 01:08:32,580
Hey, wait. Is it Magneto?
1692
01:08:32,613 --> 01:08:34,679
Dear sweet God in heaven,
let it be Magneto,
1693
01:08:34,713 --> 01:08:35,746
- because with him...
- He's dead.
1694
01:08:35,780 --> 01:08:37,814
[Deadpool] Fuck!
Now Disney gets cheap?
1695
01:08:37,846 --> 01:08:39,881
It's like Pinocchio jammed
his face in my ass
1696
01:08:39,914 --> 01:08:42,247
- and started lying like crazy.
- Ooh, you nasty!
1697
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:44,679
Mon petit rouge. Laissez
les bons temps rouler, huh?
1698
01:08:44,713 --> 01:08:47,578
[Deadpool] Not a single word.
What do you do exactly?
1699
01:08:47,612 --> 01:08:50,180
Charge the playing cards
and make 'em go boom!
1700
01:08:50,213 --> 01:08:52,479
[Deadpool] Your power's
close-up magic. That's good.
1701
01:08:52,512 --> 01:08:54,146
We're not totally fucked at all.
1702
01:08:54,180 --> 01:08:55,545
So who brought us here?
1703
01:08:55,578 --> 01:08:56,846
[Voice] That would be me.
1704
01:08:59,279 --> 01:09:01,678
[♪ pensive music playing]
1705
01:09:07,112 --> 01:09:08,378
Don't make me regret it.
1706
01:09:09,980 --> 01:09:13,478
[Deadpool] Holy shit. Logan.
That's her. That's X-23.
1707
01:09:13,511 --> 01:09:15,112
She's the one I told you about.
1708
01:09:19,544 --> 01:09:21,711
Hey, how did you all get stuck
in The Void?
1709
01:09:21,745 --> 01:09:23,345
There was a knock at the door.
1710
01:09:23,377 --> 01:09:25,410
- TVA sent me here.
- Me, too.
1711
01:09:25,444 --> 01:09:26,510
Well, maybe I was born here.
1712
01:09:26,544 --> 01:09:27,811
It's... It's hard
to know for sure.
1713
01:09:27,844 --> 01:09:31,410
TVA decided
our universe was dying.
1714
01:09:31,444 --> 01:09:33,544
And I never even got a chance
to fight for it.
1715
01:09:36,211 --> 01:09:38,376
[Elektra] People like us
don't go quietly.
1716
01:09:38,409 --> 01:09:40,611
TVA knows that,
so they took us out.
1717
01:09:40,644 --> 01:09:43,044
[smooches]
The answer is yes. I'm in.
1718
01:09:43,078 --> 01:09:45,011
- In what?
- [Deadpool] A team.
1719
01:09:45,043 --> 01:09:47,244
Me, you, you, and me.
All of us together.
1720
01:09:47,277 --> 01:09:48,675
Let's get the fuck
out of this place.
1721
01:09:48,710 --> 01:09:50,442
Don't listen to him.
He's a fucking liar!
1722
01:09:50,476 --> 01:09:52,277
[Deadpool]
It was an educated wish!
1723
01:09:52,310 --> 01:09:53,910
- Ha!
- [Deadpool] Look.
1724
01:09:55,344 --> 01:09:57,309
We've been inside
Cassandra's lair.
1725
01:09:57,343 --> 01:09:59,776
The only way out of The Void
is through her.
1726
01:09:59,810 --> 01:10:01,710
She can get us home.
She told us.
1727
01:10:01,743 --> 01:10:04,276
Wait a minute,
you've been inside?
1728
01:10:04,309 --> 01:10:06,042
- And you made it out alive?
- Bullshit.
1729
01:10:06,076 --> 01:10:07,842
- Nobody's ever done that.
- [Deadpool] We did.
1730
01:10:07,876 --> 01:10:10,474
Every time one of us
has gone up against her,
1731
01:10:10,809 --> 01:10:11,810
they die.
1732
01:10:11,843 --> 01:10:14,609
The Punisher, the Quicksilver,
the Daredevil.
1733
01:10:14,642 --> 01:10:16,309
[Deadpool] Daredevil?
I'm so sorry.
1734
01:10:16,343 --> 01:10:17,742
- It's fine.
- [Deadpool] Okay.
1735
01:10:19,709 --> 01:10:23,042
Even that sweet, baby angel,
Johnny Storm.
1736
01:10:23,076 --> 01:10:24,507
He up and gone missing like,
1737
01:10:24,541 --> 01:10:26,474
what, two days ago?
1738
01:10:26,507 --> 01:10:28,808
[Deadpool] Ugh. That's so sad.
1739
01:10:28,841 --> 01:10:31,574
Wherever this Johnny fella is,
I'm sure he's thriving.
1740
01:10:31,608 --> 01:10:32,742
[Wolverine chuckles]
1741
01:10:32,775 --> 01:10:35,008
Look, there's...
there's strength in numbers.
1742
01:10:35,041 --> 01:10:36,141
All right? Us...
1743
01:10:36,175 --> 01:10:37,506
plus, you guys.
We can put Cassandra
1744
01:10:37,540 --> 01:10:39,808
over our knee and force her
to let us out of The Void.
1745
01:10:39,841 --> 01:10:41,507
I know what it means
to feel self-doubt.
1746
01:10:41,541 --> 01:10:43,075
- I don't feel that at all.
- I'm good.
1747
01:10:43,108 --> 01:10:45,341
[Deadpool] Gnawing at your gut
like a coked-up tapeworm.
1748
01:10:45,373 --> 01:10:46,908
It's like you're holding up
a mirror to my soul.
1749
01:10:46,941 --> 01:10:48,274
[Deadpool] You guys
may not have been able
1750
01:10:48,307 --> 01:10:50,040
to save your universes.
1751
01:10:50,074 --> 01:10:52,242
But you can avenge them.
1752
01:10:52,274 --> 01:10:53,573
It's what Johnny
would have wanted.
1753
01:10:53,607 --> 01:10:56,640
Wait. You knew Johnny?
1754
01:10:57,440 --> 01:10:58,673
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.
1755
01:10:58,707 --> 01:11:00,673
Dickhead here talked him
into a team-up,
1756
01:11:00,707 --> 01:11:03,307
and Johnny came down with
a little case of the deads.
1757
01:11:03,341 --> 01:11:04,640
[Deadpool] No, no, no.
We don't know that.
1758
01:11:04,673 --> 01:11:06,874
It was just a flesh wound.
He may have survived.
1759
01:11:06,907 --> 01:11:09,673
If he survived that,
he is prayin' for death.
1760
01:11:09,707 --> 01:11:11,340
[Deadpool] Thank you,
Doctor Wolverine!
1761
01:11:11,372 --> 01:11:13,539
- Spill it!
- What'd you do to Johnny, huh?
1762
01:11:13,572 --> 01:11:14,740
Talk or I'm gonna start dealin'.
1763
01:11:14,773 --> 01:11:16,439
[Deadpool] Okay. Okay.
Hey, hey, hey.
1764
01:11:16,906 --> 01:11:17,739
Look.
1765
01:11:17,772 --> 01:11:20,205
He ran his fat-ass mouth
about Cassandra.
1766
01:11:20,239 --> 01:11:22,005
Then she zip-zapped his skin,
1767
01:11:22,038 --> 01:11:24,173
leaving his organs to splash
crudely onto the ground
1768
01:11:24,206 --> 01:11:27,139
while the soil greedily drank
his blood. It was horrible.
1769
01:11:27,173 --> 01:11:28,938
He was like a brother to me.
1770
01:11:28,972 --> 01:11:32,105
Look, he died before he could
make a difference. But...
1771
01:11:32,138 --> 01:11:33,173
- [laughs]
- Look, maybe you couldn't
1772
01:11:33,206 --> 01:11:34,639
save your worlds, but...
1773
01:11:34,672 --> 01:11:37,404
but Jesus Christ,
you can save mine!
1774
01:11:37,438 --> 01:11:39,905
I don't give a shit
about your world, but
1775
01:11:39,938 --> 01:11:42,873
if these two made it out of
there alive, maybe together,
1776
01:11:42,905 --> 01:11:44,805
we can get back in
and take her down.
1777
01:11:44,838 --> 01:11:47,805
Where I come from,
we call that suicide, Chere.
1778
01:11:47,838 --> 01:11:49,805
[Deadpool] If we can block
her psychic powers,
1779
01:11:49,838 --> 01:11:51,704
we can get a leg up.
I know it.
1780
01:11:51,737 --> 01:11:53,771
Now, I know Magneto's dead.
1781
01:11:53,805 --> 01:11:56,403
But I'd venture to guess
that his helmet is lying
1782
01:11:56,437 --> 01:11:58,470
- around here somewhere...
- Cassandra melted the helmet.
1783
01:11:58,503 --> 01:11:59,670
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- After she killed him.
1784
01:11:59,704 --> 01:12:01,670
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
- She don't play.
1785
01:12:01,704 --> 01:12:03,136
She knows that helmet
was the only way
1786
01:12:03,170 --> 01:12:04,804
to protect anyone
from her powers.
1787
01:12:04,837 --> 01:12:06,704
The only other helmet that
strong is Juggernaut's,
1788
01:12:06,737 --> 01:12:07,971
but he works for Cassandra.
1789
01:12:08,004 --> 01:12:09,502
[Deadpool] Juggernaut's
helmet. That's it.
1790
01:12:09,536 --> 01:12:11,203
Yeah, and we done be knowing
that lid ain't comin' off
1791
01:12:11,237 --> 01:12:12,636
without that dome
gonna come off wit'it.
1792
01:12:12,669 --> 01:12:13,937
[Deadpool] I'm so sorry,
beautiful.
1793
01:12:13,971 --> 01:12:14,837
I want this to be gentle.
1794
01:12:14,871 --> 01:12:17,136
Who is your dialect coach?
The Minions?
1795
01:12:17,170 --> 01:12:20,435
I feel like we are missing
critical exposition here.
1796
01:12:21,636 --> 01:12:24,604
I'm sick of this shit.
I'm sick of hiding.
1797
01:12:25,637 --> 01:12:27,669
Let's face it,
our worlds forgot about us.
1798
01:12:27,703 --> 01:12:29,501
Or never learned about us.
1799
01:12:29,536 --> 01:12:30,969
The heroes we were.
1800
01:12:31,002 --> 01:12:32,302
Lives we saved.
1801
01:12:32,336 --> 01:12:33,702
Or wanted to save.
1802
01:12:33,735 --> 01:12:35,769
Maybe these two are our chance.
1803
01:12:35,803 --> 01:12:37,102
[gurgling]
1804
01:12:37,135 --> 01:12:38,869
To be remembered.
1805
01:12:38,902 --> 01:12:39,969
The way we deserve.
1806
01:12:41,102 --> 01:12:42,169
[Deadpool] Yes.
1807
01:12:42,202 --> 01:12:44,001
An ending.
1808
01:12:44,034 --> 01:12:45,236
- Legacy.
- [Deadpool] Yes!
1809
01:12:45,269 --> 01:12:46,735
Yes! Let this man cook.
1810
01:12:46,768 --> 01:12:48,269
This is what I'm talking about.
1811
01:12:48,302 --> 01:12:50,268
Big slow-motion fights,
sad music.
1812
01:12:50,301 --> 01:12:51,501
Everybody working together.
1813
01:12:51,535 --> 01:12:53,367
Who knows if you live or die?
That sorta thing.
1814
01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:55,535
- Who's ready?
- I was born ready.
1815
01:12:55,568 --> 01:12:56,835
[Deadpool] Yes!
Gambit?
1816
01:12:56,869 --> 01:12:57,802
I ain't know my daddy,
1817
01:12:57,835 --> 01:12:59,801
but I'm sure I shot out
of his dick ready.
1818
01:12:59,834 --> 01:13:01,734
[Deadpool] Jesus Christ,
that is graphic.
1819
01:13:01,767 --> 01:13:03,701
Yeah. He was layin' them
buttery nuts all up in my mama
1820
01:13:03,734 --> 01:13:05,735
and I shot out there
and I said, "What's up, Doc?"
1821
01:13:05,768 --> 01:13:08,201
[Deadpool laughs]
Johnny must have loved you.
1822
01:13:08,235 --> 01:13:10,500
X-23, what's it gonna be?
1823
01:13:10,534 --> 01:13:11,767
The name's Laura.
1824
01:13:11,801 --> 01:13:14,600
- Let's fucking go.
- [Deadpool] Let's fucking go!
1825
01:13:14,633 --> 01:13:15,868
It's on like chicken and corn.
1826
01:13:15,901 --> 01:13:17,399
- [Deadpool] Yeah!
- We're doing this.
1827
01:13:17,433 --> 01:13:18,500
You're all fuckin' dead.
1828
01:13:18,534 --> 01:13:20,867
[Deadpool] My God!
Read the room.
1829
01:13:24,266 --> 01:13:26,000
[crickets chirping]
1830
01:13:29,967 --> 01:13:31,666
[exhales]
1831
01:13:31,700 --> 01:13:34,832
Hey, hey. I'm not lookin'
for company. Get out of here.
1832
01:13:37,000 --> 01:13:38,499
You remind me of him.
1833
01:13:38,533 --> 01:13:40,365
Angry. Drunk. Mean...
1834
01:13:40,398 --> 01:13:42,565
- Sounds like a great guy...
- Wasn't finished.
1835
01:13:44,364 --> 01:13:45,967
Showed up when
it mattered the most.
1836
01:13:48,199 --> 01:13:49,866
Couldn't help it.
1837
01:13:51,332 --> 01:13:52,532
[sighs]
1838
01:13:53,198 --> 01:13:54,532
You might not know it, but...
1839
01:13:55,432 --> 01:13:56,866
you're a good man, Logan.
1840
01:13:56,899 --> 01:13:57,899
[chuckles]
1841
01:13:58,899 --> 01:14:00,565
You might not know it,
but apparently,
1842
01:14:00,599 --> 01:14:01,998
I'm the worst Logan.
1843
01:14:03,831 --> 01:14:05,732
I got to have a life
because of you.
1844
01:14:08,632 --> 01:14:10,364
I got to grow up because of you.
1845
01:14:12,363 --> 01:14:13,930
A lot of kids did.
1846
01:14:13,964 --> 01:14:16,098
A lot of kids didn't grow up
because of me.
1847
01:14:18,297 --> 01:14:19,898
Trust me, kid, I'm no hero.
1848
01:14:21,231 --> 01:14:23,297
That suit says different.
1849
01:14:23,331 --> 01:14:25,463
- Yeah. Do you like it?
- Mm.
1850
01:14:27,331 --> 01:14:29,030
Scott used to beg me to wear it.
1851
01:14:31,297 --> 01:14:33,897
So did Jean, Storm, Beast.
1852
01:14:35,963 --> 01:14:37,997
All of them.
1853
01:14:38,030 --> 01:14:41,763
They wanted me to be part
of the team, but I wouldn't.
1854
01:14:41,797 --> 01:14:45,096
Told 'em they all look
fucking ridiculous. I mean...
1855
01:14:46,930 --> 01:14:49,696
I couldn't have 'em thinkin'
I wanted to be there.
1856
01:14:55,361 --> 01:14:57,396
And then one day,
while I was off on my own,
1857
01:14:57,430 --> 01:14:58,696
the humans came...
1858
01:14:59,263 --> 01:15:00,696
and went mutant hunting.
1859
01:15:01,962 --> 01:15:03,128
I can guess the rest.
1860
01:15:03,162 --> 01:15:04,362
No, no, let me...
1861
01:15:05,595 --> 01:15:06,795
Let me say it. I...
1862
01:15:09,395 --> 01:15:10,596
I need to say it.
1863
01:15:13,062 --> 01:15:15,728
By the time I stumbled home
shitfaced from the bar,
1864
01:15:15,761 --> 01:15:17,061
it was too late.
1865
01:15:20,862 --> 01:15:22,561
They were dead. Every...
[stifling sob]
1866
01:15:25,027 --> 01:15:27,027
[♪ mournful music playing]
1867
01:15:28,628 --> 01:15:31,794
This suit's all I got to
remind me of who they were.
1868
01:15:33,794 --> 01:15:34,827
And what I did.
1869
01:15:42,660 --> 01:15:43,660
[sniffles]
1870
01:15:47,793 --> 01:15:49,594
We're headed to Cassandra's
at sunup.
1871
01:15:50,393 --> 01:15:52,427
Have fun. Not my fight.
1872
01:15:55,659 --> 01:15:57,392
We won't pull this off
without you.
1873
01:16:04,159 --> 01:16:07,658
Hey. Whoever you think I am,
you got the wrong guy.
1874
01:16:10,426 --> 01:16:12,092
You were always the wrong guy.
1875
01:16:18,492 --> 01:16:20,758
[♪ mournful music continues]
1876
01:16:35,824 --> 01:16:37,791
[cell phone ringing]
1877
01:16:37,824 --> 01:16:38,657
What?
1878
01:16:38,691 --> 01:16:40,991
Alioth didn't get them.
[sniffs]
1879
01:16:41,024 --> 01:16:43,691
Cassandra wanted to
play with them herself first.
1880
01:16:43,724 --> 01:16:44,557
They got away.
1881
01:16:44,591 --> 01:16:46,224
- Did they find the others?
- No.
1882
01:16:46,258 --> 01:16:47,623
Good. All right. Phew.
1883
01:16:47,656 --> 01:16:49,724
- The others found them.
- Oh, very cute.
1884
01:16:49,757 --> 01:16:51,624
Well done, Pyro.
Classic bait and switch.
1885
01:16:51,657 --> 01:16:54,157
- You really got me there.
- Relax.
1886
01:16:54,190 --> 01:16:56,523
If they come after Nova,
she'll handle it.
1887
01:16:56,556 --> 01:16:58,690
Cassandra is
a lunatic wild card.
1888
01:16:58,723 --> 01:17:00,857
Why do you think we put her
there in the first place?
1889
01:17:00,890 --> 01:17:02,990
Thank God she's never chosen
to leave The Void.
1890
01:17:03,023 --> 01:17:05,922
The Time Ripper is hours away
from completion.
1891
01:17:05,956 --> 01:17:07,056
I cannot take any chances.
1892
01:17:07,089 --> 01:17:08,223
Well, maybe not.
1893
01:17:08,257 --> 01:17:09,690
But I can.
1894
01:17:09,723 --> 01:17:10,790
For a price.
1895
01:17:10,823 --> 01:17:12,223
Why do you have to
say it in that silly voice?
1896
01:17:12,257 --> 01:17:13,556
It's so icky.
1897
01:17:13,590 --> 01:17:15,423
- You want it done or not?
- All right. Your price.
1898
01:17:15,456 --> 01:17:16,956
Take her out.
1899
01:17:17,488 --> 01:17:19,622
Ugh. Mutants.
1900
01:17:19,655 --> 01:17:20,755
[♪ hip-hop music plays,
T.I. "Bring 'Em Out"]
1901
01:17:20,789 --> 01:17:21,889
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1902
01:17:21,922 --> 01:17:23,622
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1903
01:17:23,655 --> 01:17:25,622
♪ It's hard to yell when
the bar-rel's in your mouth ♪
1904
01:17:25,655 --> 01:17:26,921
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ Swizzy! ♪
1905
01:17:26,955 --> 01:17:28,488
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1906
01:17:29,454 --> 01:17:30,689
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1907
01:17:30,722 --> 01:17:32,789
♪ T-I-P, coming live
from the V.I.P. ♪
1908
01:17:32,822 --> 01:17:35,188
♪ Heard the nightlife
lost life without me ♪
1909
01:17:35,223 --> 01:17:37,754
♪ Both the feds and the state
wanna see 'bout me ♪
1910
01:17:37,788 --> 01:17:40,655
♪ The whole city got biz-zerk,
he got three... ♪
1911
01:17:41,323 --> 01:17:42,455
Ooh! Look at that there!
1912
01:17:42,488 --> 01:17:43,721
You see them biggum hands
come closed.
1913
01:17:43,754 --> 01:17:45,322
Ain't not a wonna gettin' up
inside there.
1914
01:17:45,354 --> 01:17:46,588
[Deadpool] I think what
Gambit's trying to say is
1915
01:17:46,621 --> 01:17:49,520
getting Juggernaut's helmet
ain't gonna be easy.
1916
01:17:49,553 --> 01:17:51,189
I'm just making
stuff up at this...
1917
01:17:51,223 --> 01:17:53,020
- Yeah. Tilt up to Blade.
- Gun!
1918
01:17:53,054 --> 01:17:55,255
♪ Mississippi to Philly,
Albuquerque to Chatt-Town ♪
1919
01:17:55,288 --> 01:17:57,787
♪ If I hit you in the face,
you gon' be suing and shit ♪
1920
01:17:57,820 --> 01:17:59,520
[Deadpool] Where'd he get
that little beauty?
1921
01:17:59,553 --> 01:18:01,621
That's Punisher's AT4.
1922
01:18:01,654 --> 01:18:04,054
Which Punisher? There's been,
like, five of them.
1923
01:18:04,087 --> 01:18:05,753
There's only been one Blade,
1924
01:18:05,787 --> 01:18:07,720
and there's only ever
gonna be one Blade.
1925
01:18:07,753 --> 01:18:09,619
♪ Who got a flow and a live
show better than mine? ♪
1926
01:18:09,652 --> 01:18:11,620
♪ I got a packed
house yellin' ♪
1927
01:18:11,954 --> 01:18:13,087
Incoming!
1928
01:18:13,119 --> 01:18:14,486
Ahhh!
1929
01:18:15,752 --> 01:18:16,919
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1930
01:18:16,953 --> 01:18:18,452
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1931
01:18:18,485 --> 01:18:19,619
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1932
01:18:19,652 --> 01:18:20,752
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin' ♪
1933
01:18:20,786 --> 01:18:21,953
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1934
01:18:21,986 --> 01:18:23,221
♪ Ayy, from the back,
they yellin ♪
1935
01:18:23,254 --> 01:18:24,786
- [♪ song stops]
- [fire roaring]
1936
01:18:27,853 --> 01:18:29,352
[tires screeching]
1937
01:18:31,552 --> 01:18:33,253
♪ Mic check,
one-two, one-two ♪
1938
01:18:33,286 --> 01:18:34,452
♪ You wanna beef
with the King? ♪
1939
01:18:34,485 --> 01:18:35,918
♪ What is you gon' do? ♪
1940
01:18:35,952 --> 01:18:38,118
♪ Will you show up on the
scene with two guns drew? ♪
1941
01:18:38,153 --> 01:18:40,718
♪ Or you and your friend and
play a little two-on-two? ♪
1942
01:18:40,751 --> 01:18:41,985
♪ If you knew half
of what I knew ♪
1943
01:18:42,018 --> 01:18:43,253
♪ Then you'd be
hitting the deck ♪
1944
01:18:43,286 --> 01:18:44,618
♪ I got a tool and a vest ♪
1945
01:18:44,651 --> 01:18:46,153
♪ I can get some respect ♪
1946
01:18:46,186 --> 01:18:47,818
♪ Yeah, what other Southern
rapper hood-er than this? ♪
1947
01:18:47,852 --> 01:18:50,351
♪ I got rich, and I'm still
on some hooligan shit ♪
1948
01:18:50,384 --> 01:18:51,785
♪ Standing in your
front yard yellin' ♪
1949
01:18:51,818 --> 01:18:52,952
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1950
01:18:52,985 --> 01:18:54,351
♪ Ayy, all
my hot girls yellin' ♪
1951
01:18:54,384 --> 01:18:55,518
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1952
01:18:55,551 --> 01:18:56,651
♪ Ayy, all
the dope boys yellin' ♪
1953
01:18:56,685 --> 01:18:57,851
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1954
01:18:58,451 --> 01:18:59,750
[♪ song stops]
1955
01:19:03,152 --> 01:19:04,384
[♪ song resumes]
1956
01:19:04,418 --> 01:19:06,285
♪ Hands in the air now! ♪
1957
01:19:06,319 --> 01:19:08,417
♪ Hands in the air now! ♪
1958
01:19:08,450 --> 01:19:11,016
♪ Hands-hands in the-
in the air-air now! ♪
1959
01:19:11,050 --> 01:19:12,185
♪ I can't hear you! ♪
1960
01:19:12,219 --> 01:19:14,417
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1961
01:19:14,450 --> 01:19:16,816
♪ Bring 'em out,
bring 'em out ♪
1962
01:19:16,850 --> 01:19:17,850
[♪ song ends]
1963
01:19:19,649 --> 01:19:21,883
Ooh, this is gonna be good.
1964
01:19:21,916 --> 01:19:24,417
You know how long
I've been waiting for this?
1965
01:19:24,450 --> 01:19:26,683
Whoo! I'm about to make
a name for myself here.
1966
01:19:26,716 --> 01:19:28,683
I don't think you guys
walk away from this.
1967
01:19:28,716 --> 01:19:30,716
You just make sure people know
what happened here today.
1968
01:19:30,749 --> 01:19:32,916
And when you get out of here,
you have a drink for me, yeah?
1969
01:19:32,950 --> 01:19:35,416
You just stay on our six
and get inside.
1970
01:19:35,449 --> 01:19:38,049
We'll make sure
you get the package.
1971
01:19:38,083 --> 01:19:39,317
And we'll get our ending.
1972
01:19:39,349 --> 01:19:41,849
[♪ thrilling music playing]
1973
01:19:55,548 --> 01:19:56,849
[♪ music fades out]
1974
01:19:59,881 --> 01:20:01,347
[all yelling]
1975
01:20:06,348 --> 01:20:08,881
[♪ epic music playing]
1976
01:20:10,848 --> 01:20:12,013
[all grunting]
1977
01:20:34,780 --> 01:20:35,980
[groans]
1978
01:20:36,014 --> 01:20:37,780
[electrical roar and hum]
1979
01:20:37,813 --> 01:20:39,047
[crackling]
1980
01:20:49,612 --> 01:20:50,445
And boom!
1981
01:20:50,478 --> 01:20:52,012
[all grunting]
1982
01:20:52,745 --> 01:20:54,046
[laughs, grunts]
1983
01:21:20,111 --> 01:21:21,810
[♪ music stops]
1984
01:21:21,844 --> 01:21:24,311
Heh. Some motherfuckers still
trying to ice skate uphill.
1985
01:21:24,343 --> 01:21:25,711
[henchmen yelling]
1986
01:21:28,344 --> 01:21:29,543
[slurps]
1987
01:21:30,078 --> 01:21:31,311
[footsteps]
1988
01:21:31,343 --> 01:21:33,543
You two escaping,
I could live with.
1989
01:21:33,577 --> 01:21:36,510
But coming back? Willingly?
1990
01:21:38,011 --> 01:21:39,710
Boys are so silly.
1991
01:21:39,743 --> 01:21:40,876
[Deadpool]
I just need to get home.
1992
01:21:40,909 --> 01:21:43,509
Well, that's not on the menu,
I'm afraid.
1993
01:21:43,542 --> 01:21:47,044
It's death or enslavement.
A la carte, of course.
1994
01:21:47,077 --> 01:21:48,610
- Upsy-daisy.
- [grunting]
1995
01:21:53,809 --> 01:21:54,809
Finally,
1996
01:21:54,842 --> 01:21:56,977
it's nice to give someone else
a chance to talk.
1997
01:21:57,010 --> 01:21:58,843
Not my strong suit.
1998
01:21:58,876 --> 01:22:00,642
[groaning and grunting]
1999
01:22:02,842 --> 01:22:04,342
[straining]
2000
01:22:13,009 --> 01:22:14,075
[yells]
2001
01:22:15,708 --> 01:22:16,542
[exhales]
2002
01:22:16,576 --> 01:22:17,943
You shouldn't have done that.
2003
01:22:19,708 --> 01:22:20,741
[grunts]
2004
01:22:20,775 --> 01:22:22,575
[groaning]
2005
01:22:24,309 --> 01:22:25,707
[grunting]
2006
01:22:30,707 --> 01:22:31,908
[yells]
2007
01:22:32,674 --> 01:22:33,740
[growls]
2008
01:22:36,374 --> 01:22:37,707
[screams]
2009
01:22:37,740 --> 01:22:38,975
Adios, pendejo.
2010
01:22:40,008 --> 01:22:41,373
[yells]
2011
01:22:41,407 --> 01:22:44,373
You are an interesting one,
aren't you?
2012
01:22:44,407 --> 01:22:47,507
I do feel like you get lost
behind all of his...
2013
01:22:47,540 --> 01:22:49,574
[imitates yapping]
2014
01:22:50,640 --> 01:22:53,439
Deadpools are a dime a dozen
here in The Void.
2015
01:22:54,207 --> 01:22:56,073
But you...
2016
01:22:56,106 --> 01:22:59,107
What's going on in here?
2017
01:22:59,941 --> 01:23:01,506
[groaning]
2018
01:23:02,806 --> 01:23:04,539
[screaming]
2019
01:23:06,538 --> 01:23:08,606
- [screaming stops]
- [leaves rustling]
2020
01:23:08,639 --> 01:23:10,040
[distant female voice] Logan!
2021
01:23:12,538 --> 01:23:13,839
[Cassandra] Interesting...
2022
01:23:14,973 --> 01:23:16,872
Not what I expected back here.
2023
01:23:17,973 --> 01:23:19,339
Behind the anger.
2024
01:23:23,172 --> 01:23:24,471
You're hiding.
2025
01:23:24,505 --> 01:23:26,438
- From them.
- [sighs]
2026
01:23:26,470 --> 01:23:28,405
From all the ones you let down.
2027
01:23:30,939 --> 01:23:32,105
So much pain.
2028
01:23:34,771 --> 01:23:36,971
I walked away.
2029
01:23:37,004 --> 01:23:38,737
They called after me and I...
2030
01:23:38,771 --> 01:23:39,905
I walked away.
2031
01:23:41,005 --> 01:23:42,105
I always do.
2032
01:23:42,139 --> 01:23:43,404
- [child] Logan!
- I know.
2033
01:23:45,470 --> 01:23:46,971
That's not all you did.
2034
01:23:47,736 --> 01:23:48,571
Is it?
2035
01:23:48,604 --> 01:23:50,437
- [groans]
- [flesh squelches]
2036
01:23:52,004 --> 01:23:53,504
You found them.
2037
01:23:54,305 --> 01:23:55,503
The X-Men.
2038
01:23:59,337 --> 01:24:00,804
[distant screaming]
2039
01:24:00,838 --> 01:24:01,670
Dead.
2040
01:24:01,703 --> 01:24:03,904
[♪ mournful music playing]
2041
01:24:04,436 --> 01:24:05,803
Piled like wood.
2042
01:24:07,369 --> 01:24:08,770
[Cassandra] What did you do?
2043
01:24:11,270 --> 01:24:13,237
I started killing.
2044
01:24:13,270 --> 01:24:15,870
And I couldn't stop.
I didn't wanna stop.
2045
01:24:17,102 --> 01:24:19,837
[Cassandra] All those bad men.
2046
01:24:19,870 --> 01:24:20,937
[groans]
2047
01:24:23,569 --> 01:24:25,435
It's not just the bad ones.
2048
01:24:26,969 --> 01:24:28,102
My little animal.
2049
01:24:30,803 --> 01:24:33,836
And I turned the whole world
against the X-Men.
2050
01:24:34,136 --> 01:24:35,335
Blade!
2051
01:24:40,802 --> 01:24:41,969
Just once...
2052
01:24:43,734 --> 01:24:46,568
I wanna be the man
that Charles thought I was.
2053
01:24:47,733 --> 01:24:48,835
Logan...
2054
01:24:50,302 --> 01:24:54,035
in The Void,
you can be what you are.
2055
01:24:56,367 --> 01:24:57,935
I just wanna be free.
2056
01:24:58,567 --> 01:25:00,334
I can set you free.
2057
01:25:00,735 --> 01:25:02,035
[panting]
2058
01:25:05,234 --> 01:25:06,600
[yelps]
2059
01:25:11,633 --> 01:25:16,934
I can silence all those voices.
2060
01:25:16,967 --> 01:25:18,399
[silence falls]
2061
01:25:20,967 --> 01:25:22,034
[exhales]
2062
01:25:23,800 --> 01:25:24,800
I've got you.
2063
01:25:27,300 --> 01:25:28,499
I've got you.
2064
01:25:29,066 --> 01:25:30,067
No.
2065
01:25:31,332 --> 01:25:32,566
I got you.
2066
01:25:33,532 --> 01:25:34,933
[indistinct whining]
2067
01:25:34,966 --> 01:25:36,665
[grunting in pain]
2068
01:25:36,699 --> 01:25:37,899
[gasps]
2069
01:25:37,933 --> 01:25:39,598
[yelling]
2070
01:25:40,332 --> 01:25:42,699
[Cassandra grunts] Get it off!
2071
01:25:42,732 --> 01:25:44,200
[Deadpool]
You're gonna send us home,
2072
01:25:44,233 --> 01:25:45,766
or I'm gonna twist
your fucking head off.
2073
01:25:45,799 --> 01:25:47,431
- [laughs]
- Why are you laughing?
2074
01:25:47,965 --> 01:25:49,232
I can't send you home
2075
01:25:49,265 --> 01:25:52,233
unless you get this thing
off my head.
2076
01:25:52,265 --> 01:25:53,498
And as soon as you do that,
2077
01:25:53,531 --> 01:25:56,232
I'm going to boil your brains
on an atomic level
2078
01:25:56,265 --> 01:25:59,264
whilst flicking my bean
to the Enya box set.
2079
01:25:59,298 --> 01:26:00,463
[Deadpool]
There's an Enya box set?
2080
01:26:00,497 --> 01:26:01,998
Either you kill me
2081
01:26:02,032 --> 01:26:03,331
or I kill you.
2082
01:26:04,199 --> 01:26:06,199
Both wonderful options.
2083
01:26:06,231 --> 01:26:07,430
[Deadpool]
You want me to do it?
2084
01:26:07,463 --> 01:26:08,497
No, I'll do it.
2085
01:26:08,530 --> 01:26:09,864
[Deadpool] I have
her neck right here.
2086
01:26:09,897 --> 01:26:11,564
- It's really no problem.
- You'll screw it up.
2087
01:26:11,597 --> 01:26:13,165
[Deadpool]
Oh, come on, Mr. PG-13,
2088
01:26:13,198 --> 01:26:14,231
except the last one!
2089
01:26:14,264 --> 01:26:16,397
- [gunshots]
- What the fuck?
2090
01:26:17,596 --> 01:26:19,864
- [gasping]
- [chuckles] You have no idea
2091
01:26:19,897 --> 01:26:20,965
what it's like!
2092
01:26:20,998 --> 01:26:23,931
Day after day.
Shovel the shit.
2093
01:26:23,964 --> 01:26:25,629
Fetch the meats.
2094
01:26:25,664 --> 01:26:28,629
I have spent my entire exis...
2095
01:26:30,429 --> 01:26:32,031
Not everyone gets a speech.
2096
01:26:32,064 --> 01:26:34,897
- [groaning]
- She's gonna die.
2097
01:26:34,931 --> 01:26:36,496
[Deadpool] Okay. Hey, hey.
If I take this helmet off,
2098
01:26:36,529 --> 01:26:38,297
do you promise
you won't kill us?
2099
01:26:38,329 --> 01:26:39,461
- Fuck!
- [Cassandra] I promise...
2100
01:26:39,495 --> 01:26:41,162
I will kill you first thing.
2101
01:26:41,196 --> 01:26:43,063
[Deadpool] Oh!
Why are you like this?
2102
01:26:43,096 --> 01:26:44,396
I wish I knew.
2103
01:26:44,429 --> 01:26:45,629
- Take it off.
- [Deadpool] What?
2104
01:26:45,663 --> 01:26:46,863
- Take it off.
- [Deadpool] Why?
2105
01:26:46,896 --> 01:26:48,328
- Just take it off.
- This is our only chance
2106
01:26:48,361 --> 01:26:50,495
- to fix our shit!
- Take it off!
2107
01:26:52,230 --> 01:26:54,562
I am wearing this suit.
2108
01:26:54,595 --> 01:26:56,895
And that means a lot of
things, but most of all...
2109
01:26:58,296 --> 01:26:59,594
it means I'm an X-Man.
2110
01:27:00,494 --> 01:27:02,030
And I know your brother.
2111
01:27:04,296 --> 01:27:05,695
As much as I want
to fucking kill you,
2112
01:27:05,728 --> 01:27:08,527
every bone in my body
wants to fucking kill you,
2113
01:27:08,561 --> 01:27:11,761
he would not let me stand here
and watch you die!
2114
01:27:14,129 --> 01:27:15,494
Take your hands off.
2115
01:27:17,028 --> 01:27:18,427
This is for him.
2116
01:27:20,161 --> 01:27:21,560
This is for Charles.
2117
01:27:23,961 --> 01:27:25,494
[Cassandra panting]
2118
01:27:28,994 --> 01:27:30,326
[exhales deeply]
2119
01:27:31,294 --> 01:27:33,061
- [grunts]
- [Deadpool] Hey, no, no, no!
2120
01:27:33,094 --> 01:27:34,694
Don't you dare
do me like Johnny!
2121
01:27:41,027 --> 01:27:42,093
My brother loved you.
2122
01:27:43,993 --> 01:27:45,060
He loved all of us.
2123
01:27:45,760 --> 01:27:46,760
Hmm.
2124
01:27:48,127 --> 01:27:49,392
Must be nice.
2125
01:27:50,293 --> 01:27:51,726
He would've loved you, too.
2126
01:27:54,426 --> 01:27:55,760
If he knew about you...
2127
01:27:57,392 --> 01:27:58,793
if he knew where you were,
2128
01:27:58,826 --> 01:28:01,092
he would've torn a hole
in the fucking universe
2129
01:28:01,126 --> 01:28:02,357
to bring you home.
2130
01:28:06,026 --> 01:28:07,092
This is my home.
2131
01:28:08,159 --> 01:28:10,559
Well, then at least
let us save his.
2132
01:28:14,492 --> 01:28:16,092
You want to hear
something crazy?
2133
01:28:17,859 --> 01:28:20,958
An amateur magician rolled
through here a while back.
2134
01:28:21,891 --> 01:28:23,792
I killed him, of course.
2135
01:28:23,826 --> 01:28:26,424
Wore his skin around
for four days.
2136
01:28:27,091 --> 01:28:28,125
But
2137
01:28:28,158 --> 01:28:29,891
I found this
2138
01:28:29,925 --> 01:28:31,891
little trinket
2139
01:28:31,925 --> 01:28:34,125
on his lovely fingers.
2140
01:28:34,158 --> 01:28:35,490
[Deadpool] Strange!
2141
01:28:37,025 --> 01:28:38,323
[Deadpool gasps]
2142
01:28:38,356 --> 01:28:40,658
- Marvel sparkle circle.
- [Wolverine] What is that?
2143
01:28:41,390 --> 01:28:43,422
This is your way home.
2144
01:28:43,455 --> 01:28:45,490
I do owe you for saving my life.
2145
01:28:45,524 --> 01:28:47,124
But let's keep
things interesting.
2146
01:28:47,157 --> 01:28:49,057
I'd say you have
about four seconds
2147
01:28:49,090 --> 01:28:50,590
before you're Alioth's food.
2148
01:28:51,389 --> 01:28:52,956
[Alioth growling]
2149
01:28:54,624 --> 01:28:55,924
[Deadpool chuckles] Race ya.
2150
01:28:59,657 --> 01:29:01,256
[♪ slow jazz plays, Jimmy
Durante "I'll Be Seeing You"]
2151
01:29:01,290 --> 01:29:05,256
♪ I'll be seeing you ♪
2152
01:29:05,290 --> 01:29:10,656
♪ In all the old
familiar places ♪
2153
01:29:10,689 --> 01:29:15,023
♪ That this heart
of mine embraces ♪
2154
01:29:15,956 --> 01:29:17,856
♪ All day through ♪
2155
01:29:21,321 --> 01:29:24,923
♪ In that small cafe ♪
2156
01:29:26,489 --> 01:29:29,721
- ♪ The park across the way ♪
- [screaming]
2157
01:29:31,655 --> 01:29:36,354
♪ The children's carousel ♪
2158
01:29:36,388 --> 01:29:41,320
♪ The chestnut trees,
the wishing well ♪
2159
01:29:43,221 --> 01:29:47,154
♪ I'll be seeing you ♪
2160
01:29:47,188 --> 01:29:50,720
♪ In every lovely
summer's day ♪
2161
01:29:50,754 --> 01:29:51,720
[screams]
2162
01:29:51,754 --> 01:29:56,720
♪ I'll find you
in the morning sun ♪
2163
01:29:56,754 --> 01:30:00,954
♪ And when the night is new ♪
2164
01:30:03,686 --> 01:30:08,986
♪ I'll be looking
at the moon ♪
2165
01:30:10,520 --> 01:30:16,020
♪ But I'll be seeing you ♪
2166
01:30:16,053 --> 01:30:17,520
[Alioth snarls]
2167
01:30:19,486 --> 01:30:21,419
[Peter] And as I said, we've
got a standard three-year
2168
01:30:21,452 --> 01:30:22,952
bumper to bumper warranty.
2169
01:30:22,985 --> 01:30:24,685
Glad you gave us
a second chance.
2170
01:30:24,718 --> 01:30:26,452
And don't worry.
Wade and I are a team,
2171
01:30:26,486 --> 01:30:27,986
so I'll see he gets
half the commission...
2172
01:30:28,619 --> 01:30:29,653
[all gasp]
2173
01:30:29,686 --> 01:30:30,785
- [Deadpool groans]
- Whoa.
2174
01:30:30,819 --> 01:30:33,019
[Deadpool]
That feels like a Kia.
2175
01:30:33,052 --> 01:30:35,752
It's a fucking Kia Carnival,
isn't it? [groans]
2176
01:30:36,919 --> 01:30:39,885
Holy shit. That's Deadpool.
2177
01:30:39,919 --> 01:30:41,119
And that's Wolverine.
2178
01:30:41,152 --> 01:30:42,218
[Deadpool]
You're damn straight it is.
2179
01:30:42,251 --> 01:30:43,285
Fox killed him.
2180
01:30:43,317 --> 01:30:44,518
Disney brought him back.
2181
01:30:44,552 --> 01:30:46,051
They're going to make him
do this till he's 90.
2182
01:30:46,685 --> 01:30:48,251
Let's go.
2183
01:30:48,285 --> 01:30:49,819
[Peter] I'll clock you out!
2184
01:30:49,852 --> 01:30:51,018
[Deadpool] Forever!
2185
01:30:51,784 --> 01:30:52,884
Forever.
2186
01:31:00,118 --> 01:31:01,151
Wakey-wakey.
2187
01:31:01,185 --> 01:31:02,951
- [snorts] God?
- [chuckles]
2188
01:31:04,217 --> 01:31:07,517
Now, you put all these bullets
in my belly,
2189
01:31:07,551 --> 01:31:09,384
and I'm gonna find out why.
2190
01:31:09,918 --> 01:31:10,983
Whoa, whoa!
2191
01:31:11,717 --> 01:31:13,550
I'll just say it.
2192
01:31:13,583 --> 01:31:15,416
You don't have to stick
your fingers in me.
2193
01:31:15,449 --> 01:31:17,950
Jesus, just ask sometimes.
2194
01:31:18,250 --> 01:31:19,484
Fine.
2195
01:31:20,650 --> 01:31:21,650
Really?
2196
01:31:22,184 --> 01:31:23,383
Hands in pockets.
2197
01:31:23,416 --> 01:31:24,982
[breathing heavily]
2198
01:31:25,016 --> 01:31:27,049
Guy named Paradox.
2199
01:31:27,082 --> 01:31:28,284
He said he'd get me
out of The Void.
2200
01:31:28,316 --> 01:31:30,550
All I know is
he works for the TVA.
2201
01:31:30,583 --> 01:31:31,483
The TVA.
2202
01:31:31,516 --> 01:31:32,949
We had an agreement.
2203
01:31:32,982 --> 01:31:34,882
I don't think this guy cares.
2204
01:31:34,916 --> 01:31:36,882
Huh. He will.
2205
01:31:37,282 --> 01:31:38,550
Hey, people!
2206
01:31:38,583 --> 01:31:40,749
How much longer before
the Time Ripper is active?
2207
01:31:40,782 --> 01:31:42,715
We're running
the final safety checks.
2208
01:31:42,749 --> 01:31:45,015
Oh, okay. All right. Thanks
for all your hard work, Ralph.
2209
01:31:45,048 --> 01:31:46,515
- Take your time.
- Really?
2210
01:31:46,549 --> 01:31:48,249
No, you drooling boob!
2211
01:31:48,283 --> 01:31:49,582
No! We have company.
2212
01:31:49,615 --> 01:31:52,948
Cancel the safety checks.
We need to be live now!
2213
01:31:52,981 --> 01:31:54,614
Oh, I hate you so much.
2214
01:31:56,681 --> 01:31:57,514
No! Stop!
2215
01:31:57,548 --> 01:31:59,415
Piss off! You're too late.
2216
01:31:59,448 --> 01:32:01,315
- You're fuckin' done.
- Why was Thor crying?
2217
01:32:01,348 --> 01:32:02,381
[Mr. Paradox] How dare you!
2218
01:32:02,414 --> 01:32:04,948
No one comes back from The Void.
2219
01:32:04,981 --> 01:32:06,548
Tell that to Cassandra Nova.
2220
01:32:07,548 --> 01:32:09,748
[♪ choral music playing]
2221
01:32:15,214 --> 01:32:17,346
Paradox. We have a problem.
2222
01:32:18,113 --> 01:32:19,314
[bones snap]
2223
01:32:20,114 --> 01:32:21,481
[Cassandra] Paradox.
2224
01:32:23,647 --> 01:32:26,213
Well, you are doughier than
you looked in Pyro's head.
2225
01:32:26,246 --> 01:32:27,480
You tried to kill me.
2226
01:32:27,513 --> 01:32:29,446
I literally have no i...
2227
01:32:29,480 --> 01:32:31,313
[Cassandra]
You come for the king,
2228
01:32:31,346 --> 01:32:33,213
you better kill the king.
2229
01:32:33,246 --> 01:32:34,346
[Deadpool] Oh-ho-ho!
2230
01:32:34,380 --> 01:32:36,579
Welcome to
the skull fuck club, Paradox.
2231
01:32:36,612 --> 01:32:39,146
You know she doesn't
wash that hand.
2232
01:32:39,180 --> 01:32:40,647
- Oh.
- [grunting strainfully]
2233
01:32:40,680 --> 01:32:41,779
What's this?
2234
01:32:43,046 --> 01:32:44,246
A Time Ripper?
2235
01:32:44,280 --> 01:32:45,312
Naughty boy.
2236
01:32:45,345 --> 01:32:46,712
[Deadpool] Oh, no.
We're on it.
2237
01:32:46,746 --> 01:32:48,078
We're gonna head down
and dismantle that thing now.
2238
01:32:48,112 --> 01:32:50,512
We got ya, boo. You just
keep playing those keys.
2239
01:32:50,546 --> 01:32:52,345
I don't want to destroy it.
2240
01:32:52,879 --> 01:32:54,546
I want to use it.
2241
01:32:54,579 --> 01:32:57,378
Now, shoo. Mummy and Daddy
are having a conversation.
2242
01:32:57,411 --> 01:32:58,945
[both yelling]
2243
01:33:02,778 --> 01:33:03,912
[groans]
2244
01:33:03,945 --> 01:33:05,878
You know, the funny thing is,
2245
01:33:05,912 --> 01:33:08,077
I was happy in The Void.
2246
01:33:08,111 --> 01:33:11,344
You sent your trash to me.
Alioth and I cleaned it up.
2247
01:33:11,378 --> 01:33:14,011
Everyone was happy.
2248
01:33:14,044 --> 01:33:17,411
And then you had to go and
piss on my side of the fence.
2249
01:33:17,443 --> 01:33:20,311
And so now the fence
must come down.
2250
01:33:20,344 --> 01:33:22,311
I'm going to use
your little Time Ripper.
2251
01:33:22,344 --> 01:33:25,111
And I'm going to destroy
this universe
2252
01:33:25,144 --> 01:33:27,811
and the next and the next
and the next
2253
01:33:27,844 --> 01:33:31,510
until all that's left
is The Void.
2254
01:33:31,544 --> 01:33:34,110
And I get to play God.
2255
01:33:34,143 --> 01:33:35,477
- Come on.
- [Mr. Paradox groans]
2256
01:33:35,510 --> 01:33:36,676
Now you're going to show me
2257
01:33:36,709 --> 01:33:38,377
how to use
this fancy gadget of yours.
2258
01:33:38,409 --> 01:33:40,377
And don't worry,
I've called some friends
2259
01:33:40,410 --> 01:33:42,010
to make sure
we're not disturbed.
2260
01:33:45,177 --> 01:33:46,442
- [knock at door]
- Sorry to bother, madam,
2261
01:33:46,476 --> 01:33:48,509
but there's something
you need to see.
2262
01:33:48,543 --> 01:33:50,976
We're getting indications
of an unsanctioned Time Ripper
2263
01:33:51,010 --> 01:33:53,342
activating on Earth-10005.
2264
01:33:54,976 --> 01:33:56,342
Whose district is that?
2265
01:33:56,942 --> 01:33:57,942
Paradox.
2266
01:34:06,243 --> 01:34:08,375
[Mr. Paradox gasps, exhales]
2267
01:34:09,408 --> 01:34:11,675
Well, thank you so much
for your help, darling.
2268
01:34:11,708 --> 01:34:13,909
God. Good to get out
of that head.
2269
01:34:13,942 --> 01:34:15,974
Whew! What a mess!
2270
01:34:17,141 --> 01:34:18,707
[both groaning]
2271
01:34:23,441 --> 01:34:24,575
[Deadpool] Stop!
2272
01:34:24,608 --> 01:34:26,607
Let's give it a beat
for the extras to clear.
2273
01:34:26,641 --> 01:34:28,874
Go, go, go, go, go!
Oh, my God!
2274
01:34:33,507 --> 01:34:36,440
- Oh. My. God.
- Fuck.
2275
01:34:37,674 --> 01:34:40,540
[♪ classic rock music plays,
"Make Me Lose Control"]
2276
01:34:44,040 --> 01:34:45,673
[Deadpool] It's her!
2277
01:34:46,540 --> 01:34:48,606
- Come on, girl!
- [Dogpool barks]
2278
01:34:49,740 --> 01:34:50,606
[barks]
2279
01:34:50,640 --> 01:34:52,873
♪ Was love always this good ♪
2280
01:34:52,907 --> 01:34:55,141
♪ Or could this be
just the start? ♪
2281
01:34:55,175 --> 01:34:56,540
Come on, girl!
2282
01:34:57,473 --> 01:34:59,406
♪ Baby, baby ♪
2283
01:34:59,439 --> 01:35:04,473
♪ Turn the radio up
for that sweet sound ♪
2284
01:35:04,506 --> 01:35:08,438
♪ Hold me close,
never let me go ♪
2285
01:35:08,472 --> 01:35:10,872
♪ Keep this feelin' alive... ♪
2286
01:35:10,906 --> 01:35:12,107
That's my girl!
2287
01:35:12,140 --> 01:35:13,572
We don't have to be apart
2288
01:35:13,605 --> 01:35:15,605
ever, ever again.
Never, ever...
2289
01:35:15,639 --> 01:35:17,006
- Sorry!
- [Deadpool] Fuck!
2290
01:35:17,038 --> 01:35:18,071
[♪ song stops]
2291
01:35:18,106 --> 01:35:19,838
What's Cafe Gratitude
doing here?
2292
01:35:19,871 --> 01:35:21,372
- Sorry about that.
- [Dogpool whimpering]
2293
01:35:21,404 --> 01:35:23,539
[Deadpool] Tremble not,
sweet Mary Puppins.
2294
01:35:23,572 --> 01:35:25,338
[whispers] I'll handle him.
2295
01:35:25,372 --> 01:35:26,704
Come here, girl.
Papa's here.
2296
01:35:26,738 --> 01:35:29,604
[Deadpool] Hey, do not insult
this animal's autonomy.
2297
01:35:29,638 --> 01:35:31,970
She can decide who her papa is.
2298
01:35:32,004 --> 01:35:33,139
What's it gonna be, girl, huh?
2299
01:35:33,173 --> 01:35:35,571
Original recipe
or Van Milder here?
2300
01:35:35,604 --> 01:35:39,737
Ah, that's funny. I can gently
tap the fourth wall too.
2301
01:35:39,770 --> 01:35:40,904
The Proposal.
2302
01:35:42,370 --> 01:35:43,504
[Deadpool] The fuck was that?
2303
01:35:43,538 --> 01:35:45,172
Bitch, you think
that's what I do?
2304
01:35:45,205 --> 01:35:46,471
Both of you shut up.
2305
01:35:46,504 --> 01:35:48,304
- [sniffs]
- You smell somethin'?
2306
01:35:48,337 --> 01:35:49,370
Yeah, you.
2307
01:35:49,403 --> 01:35:51,737
- [sniffs]
- A lot of you.
2308
01:35:51,770 --> 01:35:54,437
[♪ dramatic mysterious
music playing]
2309
01:36:05,670 --> 01:36:06,836
[tink]
2310
01:36:06,869 --> 01:36:09,271
Told you there were
a lot of Deadpools over there.
2311
01:36:09,303 --> 01:36:11,502
[♪ dramatic music continues]
2312
01:36:20,902 --> 01:36:22,036
[Deadpool] That's bad.
2313
01:36:40,202 --> 01:36:41,535
[neck cracks]
2314
01:36:43,301 --> 01:36:44,401
[♪ music fades out]
2315
01:36:44,434 --> 01:36:45,835
I take it they're not friendly.
2316
01:36:45,868 --> 01:36:46,735
[Nicepool] Goodness, no.
2317
01:36:46,768 --> 01:36:48,834
Sorry about this, boys.
Mission over.
2318
01:36:48,867 --> 01:36:51,934
Cause of death, one hundred
kill-thirsty Deadpools.
2319
01:36:51,967 --> 01:36:52,801
They're dumb.
2320
01:36:52,834 --> 01:36:54,668
But they can fight.
Not me, though.
2321
01:36:54,701 --> 01:36:57,368
Would love to get in the mix,
but I have low bone density
2322
01:36:57,401 --> 01:36:59,268
and I have to keep my face safe.
2323
01:36:59,300 --> 01:37:00,567
[Deadpool smooches]
Hold, please.
2324
01:37:00,600 --> 01:37:02,467
- Oh, God.
- [Deadpool] All right. Look.
2325
01:37:03,001 --> 01:37:04,001
Guys!
2326
01:37:05,169 --> 01:37:06,867
Deadpool Prime here.
2327
01:37:06,901 --> 01:37:08,467
- Our fight isn't with you...
- [kid] Hey!
2328
01:37:08,500 --> 01:37:09,933
When I want your opinion,
2329
01:37:09,966 --> 01:37:12,299
I'll take Wolverine's dick
out of your mouth.
2330
01:37:12,332 --> 01:37:14,100
That's Kidpool.
She's the dirtiest.
2331
01:37:14,133 --> 01:37:15,300
[Deadpool]
Can we just be done?
2332
01:37:15,333 --> 01:37:17,201
[Ladypool] Ooh,
we're just getting started.
2333
01:37:17,234 --> 01:37:18,268
[Deadpool] No, no, no, no, no.
2334
01:37:18,300 --> 01:37:20,766
With the whole multiverse thing.
2335
01:37:21,699 --> 01:37:23,033
It's not great.
2336
01:37:23,066 --> 01:37:24,399
It's just been miss
2337
01:37:24,766 --> 01:37:26,267
after miss
2338
01:37:26,299 --> 01:37:28,332
after miss.
2339
01:37:28,366 --> 01:37:30,665
Look, The Wizard of Oz
did the multiverse first,
2340
01:37:30,698 --> 01:37:33,532
and they did it best.
The gays knew it.
2341
01:37:33,565 --> 01:37:34,765
But we didn't listen.
2342
01:37:34,799 --> 01:37:37,799
Let's just take the L
and move on.
2343
01:37:37,832 --> 01:37:40,398
I think it's been
steadily great since Endgame.
2344
01:37:40,431 --> 01:37:41,999
[Ladypool]
What are you talking about?
2345
01:37:42,032 --> 01:37:43,598
The multiverse is over.
2346
01:37:43,632 --> 01:37:44,898
[Cowboypool]
Cassandy gonna destroy
2347
01:37:44,931 --> 01:37:46,632
the fuck outta every timeline.
2348
01:37:46,665 --> 01:37:48,132
Heh. Y'all can't do shit
about it.
2349
01:37:48,166 --> 01:37:49,199
[Deadpool] Do you not get it?
2350
01:37:49,232 --> 01:37:50,331
If we don't go down
to the subway
2351
01:37:50,365 --> 01:37:51,398
and stop her, we all die.
2352
01:37:51,431 --> 01:37:52,531
[Cowboypool]
Say, the boss lady
2353
01:37:52,564 --> 01:37:53,731
don't want no disturbances.
2354
01:37:53,764 --> 01:37:55,532
You wanna get down
to the subway,
2355
01:37:55,565 --> 01:37:56,831
you gotta go through us.
2356
01:37:56,864 --> 01:37:58,099
Uzi time, baby.
2357
01:37:58,132 --> 01:37:59,166
[Ladypool] Uzi time, baby.
2358
01:37:59,199 --> 01:38:00,497
[Deadpool] Look alive!
2359
01:38:01,132 --> 01:38:02,397
[Headpool yells]
2360
01:38:08,798 --> 01:38:09,664
[grunts]
2361
01:38:09,697 --> 01:38:11,497
- I think I'm hit.
- [Wolverine] No shit.
2362
01:38:11,531 --> 01:38:12,563
You did that on purpose.
2363
01:38:12,596 --> 01:38:14,329
[Deadpool]
I did no such thing!
2364
01:38:14,363 --> 01:38:15,530
Listen to me, gorgeous.
2365
01:38:15,563 --> 01:38:16,998
How long does it take
for you to regenerate?
2366
01:38:17,031 --> 01:38:18,430
Regenerate?
2367
01:38:20,330 --> 01:38:22,596
- [crow caws]
- [Dogpool grunts]
2368
01:38:22,964 --> 01:38:24,463
[retches]
2369
01:38:24,496 --> 01:38:26,330
You really are God's
perfect idiot, aren't you?
2370
01:38:26,364 --> 01:38:27,763
- I'm okay.
- [Deadpool] How dare you!
2371
01:38:27,797 --> 01:38:29,830
You insensitive son of a bitch!
2372
01:38:29,863 --> 01:38:32,030
How was I supposed to know
he doesn't regenerate?
2373
01:38:32,063 --> 01:38:33,562
I'm not a medicine woman.
2374
01:38:33,595 --> 01:38:35,930
Look. A donut cart.
They're practically hospitals.
2375
01:38:35,963 --> 01:38:36,830
- What?
- [Deadpool] They sell
2376
01:38:36,863 --> 01:38:38,296
- portable triage units.
- They don't.
2377
01:38:38,329 --> 01:38:39,463
[Deadpool] I'm gonna
get you to safety.
2378
01:38:39,496 --> 01:38:41,428
- He's not.
- [Deadpool] Deep breath.
2379
01:38:48,662 --> 01:38:49,495
[panting]
2380
01:38:49,529 --> 01:38:51,629
Hey, why are we stopping?
2381
01:38:51,662 --> 01:38:52,962
[Deadpool]
I'm just catching my breath.
2382
01:38:52,996 --> 01:38:55,929
What, are your legs on
vacation? You're dead weight!
2383
01:38:55,962 --> 01:38:57,529
That's because I'm paralyzed.
2384
01:38:57,562 --> 01:38:59,862
[Deadpool] We all have
problems. Listen to me.
2385
01:38:59,896 --> 01:39:00,896
You're gonna live.
2386
01:39:01,996 --> 01:39:03,195
Look at me, Nicepool.
2387
01:39:03,228 --> 01:39:04,795
[gunfire continues]
2388
01:39:07,163 --> 01:39:08,494
You're gonna live.
2389
01:39:09,062 --> 01:39:10,461
Say it!
2390
01:39:10,896 --> 01:39:12,427
I'm gonna live.
2391
01:39:12,461 --> 01:39:14,527
Say it with me.
You're gonna live.
2392
01:39:14,560 --> 01:39:16,727
[fumbling] I'm gonna live!
2393
01:39:16,760 --> 01:39:20,294
[Deadpool] Ha-hah!
Say it louder!
2394
01:39:20,327 --> 01:39:21,660
I'm gonna live...
2395
01:39:24,760 --> 01:39:25,894
[gunfire]
2396
01:39:30,393 --> 01:39:31,927
Hold your fire!
2397
01:39:33,860 --> 01:39:35,293
Sweet little puppy.
2398
01:39:45,292 --> 01:39:46,792
[Deadpool grunting]
God damn it!
2399
01:39:46,826 --> 01:39:48,927
I don't think
he's gonna make it.
2400
01:39:48,960 --> 01:39:50,659
God, he loved his face.
2401
01:39:50,692 --> 01:39:53,260
I can taste his final thought.
2402
01:39:53,292 --> 01:39:54,926
He was so afraid.
2403
01:39:54,959 --> 01:39:56,126
But he died a hero.
2404
01:39:56,160 --> 01:39:58,193
He died from murder,
you dumb fuck.
2405
01:39:58,226 --> 01:40:00,059
[Deadpool] And all I have
to remember him by
2406
01:40:00,993 --> 01:40:02,725
are these two gold-plated,
2407
01:40:02,758 --> 01:40:05,026
.50 caliber
Desert Eagle pistoleros.
2408
01:40:05,059 --> 01:40:06,058
This is for him.
2409
01:40:06,758 --> 01:40:08,325
Are you ready?
2410
01:40:08,359 --> 01:40:10,260
I get to kill a hundred yous?
2411
01:40:10,292 --> 01:40:11,658
Fuck yeah, I'm ready.
2412
01:40:12,525 --> 01:40:14,058
Hey, you don't want
to see this, bub.
2413
01:40:14,092 --> 01:40:15,324
[Deadpool] That's a good girl.
2414
01:40:15,358 --> 01:40:18,291
[♪ '80s pop music plays,
Madonna "Like a Prayer"]
2415
01:40:19,591 --> 01:40:24,058
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2416
01:40:24,092 --> 01:40:28,357
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2417
01:40:28,390 --> 01:40:33,191
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2418
01:40:33,224 --> 01:40:37,024
♪ And it feels like ♪
2419
01:40:37,924 --> 01:40:39,825
♪ Home... ♪
2420
01:40:52,091 --> 01:40:53,656
[Deadpool] Holy shit.
2421
01:40:53,689 --> 01:40:56,056
You save the good stuff
for special occasions?
2422
01:40:56,090 --> 01:40:57,422
Killing, mostly.
2423
01:40:57,456 --> 01:40:58,555
[Deadpool]
What's the wind resistance
2424
01:40:58,588 --> 01:40:59,689
on those blowjob handles?
2425
01:40:59,723 --> 01:41:01,757
- [grunts]
- [laughs] I'm sorry.
2426
01:41:01,791 --> 01:41:04,422
I'm just a catty bitch
when I'm jealous.
2427
01:41:04,456 --> 01:41:06,123
All right, let's do this.
2428
01:41:06,157 --> 01:41:07,522
Maximum effort.
2429
01:41:10,157 --> 01:41:11,356
[♪ song pauses]
2430
01:41:14,923 --> 01:41:16,388
[Deadpools yelling]
2431
01:41:17,687 --> 01:41:19,089
- [♪ song resumes playing]
- [all grunting]
2432
01:41:19,122 --> 01:41:22,756
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2433
01:41:22,789 --> 01:41:26,989
♪ I'm down on my knees
I want to take you there ♪
2434
01:41:27,022 --> 01:41:31,222
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2435
01:41:31,256 --> 01:41:35,487
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2436
01:41:35,521 --> 01:41:39,486
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2437
01:41:39,520 --> 01:41:43,654
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2438
01:41:43,688 --> 01:41:47,021
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2439
01:41:47,054 --> 01:41:48,286
You're dead.
2440
01:41:48,319 --> 01:41:52,320
♪ And it feels like ♪
2441
01:41:54,054 --> 01:41:55,520
[Deadpools yelling]
2442
01:41:55,553 --> 01:41:57,987
♪ Let the choir sing ♪
2443
01:41:58,020 --> 01:42:01,988
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2444
01:42:02,021 --> 01:42:06,419
♪ I'm down on my knees
I wanna take you there ♪
2445
01:42:06,452 --> 01:42:10,552
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2446
01:42:10,586 --> 01:42:13,987
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2447
01:42:14,020 --> 01:42:15,418
Motherfucker.
2448
01:42:16,153 --> 01:42:17,653
I wish I were deaf.
2449
01:42:17,686 --> 01:42:18,719
♪ I'll take you there ♪
2450
01:42:18,752 --> 01:42:20,518
♪ It's like a dream to me ♪
2451
01:42:20,551 --> 01:42:22,753
♪ Oh oh, yeah
yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪
2452
01:42:22,787 --> 01:42:25,385
♪ Just like a prayer,
I'll take you there ♪
2453
01:42:25,418 --> 01:42:27,052
♪ Oh yeah, yeah ♪
2454
01:42:27,086 --> 01:42:29,351
♪ It's like a dream to me ♪
2455
01:42:29,384 --> 01:42:32,485
♪ Oh, oh ♪
2456
01:42:32,519 --> 01:42:35,919
♪ It's like a prayer... ♪
2457
01:42:37,618 --> 01:42:39,617
[crying Deadpool] I don't
wanna die. I don't wanna die.
2458
01:42:39,651 --> 01:42:40,751
I don't wanna...
2459
01:42:48,350 --> 01:42:50,550
[♪ outro music playing]
2460
01:42:52,751 --> 01:42:54,252
- [♪ song ends]
- [Deadpool grunts]
2461
01:42:54,284 --> 01:42:55,684
[Deadpool] Come on.
2462
01:42:55,718 --> 01:42:56,818
Oh, I blew it.
2463
01:42:56,851 --> 01:42:58,950
After all that, the only thing
they're gonna remember
2464
01:42:58,984 --> 01:43:00,817
is that God-awful dismount!
2465
01:43:01,751 --> 01:43:03,283
[giggling]
2466
01:43:05,483 --> 01:43:07,184
What you laughing at,
you little fucker?
2467
01:43:07,217 --> 01:43:08,415
[Babypool] Uh-oh.
2468
01:43:08,449 --> 01:43:09,717
[Deadpool] Uh-oh.
2469
01:43:09,750 --> 01:43:11,382
[Babypool cooing]
2470
01:43:11,917 --> 01:43:13,950
[Babypool giggling]
2471
01:43:13,984 --> 01:43:15,650
I guess these ones regenerate.
2472
01:43:17,549 --> 01:43:20,150
Come on.
We don't have time for this.
2473
01:43:20,183 --> 01:43:21,216
[Peter] Deadpools!
2474
01:43:21,250 --> 01:43:22,617
Stand down.
2475
01:43:23,617 --> 01:43:25,817
[♪ heroic music playing]
2476
01:43:33,016 --> 01:43:34,415
This Deadpool's with me.
2477
01:43:34,449 --> 01:43:35,916
[Deadpool] Oh, no.
2478
01:43:35,949 --> 01:43:37,314
[Ladypool] Holy shit.
2479
01:43:37,348 --> 01:43:38,916
[Kidpool]
That's fuckin' Peter!
2480
01:43:38,949 --> 01:43:40,515
[Deadpools cheering]
2481
01:43:41,815 --> 01:43:43,682
[Deadpool] Wait, you...
You guys know Peter?
2482
01:43:43,716 --> 01:43:45,783
[Ladypool] You kidding me?
Every Deadpool has a Peter.
2483
01:43:45,816 --> 01:43:48,215
[Cowboypool] Shit.
Peter's a goddamn legend
2484
01:43:48,249 --> 01:43:49,782
in every Deadpool's world.
2485
01:43:49,815 --> 01:43:52,148
Peter-san. Hai.
2486
01:43:52,181 --> 01:43:53,815
[Deadpools cheering]
2487
01:43:58,214 --> 01:43:59,313
[Peter laughs]
2488
01:43:59,347 --> 01:44:01,347
[Deadpools chanting]
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2489
01:44:01,380 --> 01:44:04,648
Peter. Peter. Peter.
Peter. Peter. Peter.
2490
01:44:04,681 --> 01:44:07,347
- Peter. Peter. Peter.
- [Peter laughing]
2491
01:44:07,380 --> 01:44:09,014
[Deadpool] Enjoy my Peter.
2492
01:44:10,347 --> 01:44:13,548
- [♪ tense music playing]
- [Time Ripper thrumming]
2493
01:44:29,046 --> 01:44:30,613
[Time Ripper whirring]
2494
01:44:36,412 --> 01:44:37,513
Oh, now you're here.
2495
01:44:37,546 --> 01:44:39,013
Oh, well, you're too late.
It's all over.
2496
01:44:39,046 --> 01:44:40,212
Not yet, it's not.
2497
01:44:40,246 --> 01:44:41,945
[Deadpool] Whoa. No, no, no.
We're very close.
2498
01:44:41,979 --> 01:44:43,345
Homestretch, folks. Promise.
2499
01:44:43,378 --> 01:44:45,080
Quick, let's up the stakes.
2500
01:44:45,113 --> 01:44:46,478
If she steals
the Time Ripper's energy,
2501
01:44:46,513 --> 01:44:49,146
she has the power to shred
the fabric of all realities
2502
01:44:49,179 --> 01:44:50,945
until there is nothing left
but The Void.
2503
01:44:50,979 --> 01:44:52,212
How do we shut it down?
2504
01:44:52,246 --> 01:44:53,410
I don't know.
2505
01:44:53,444 --> 01:44:55,045
[Mr. Paradox grunts]
2506
01:44:55,079 --> 01:44:56,311
[Wolverine] How about now?
2507
01:44:56,345 --> 01:44:57,545
[Deadpool] The mask
is really intimidating, huh?
2508
01:44:57,578 --> 01:44:59,879
It's like Batman,
except he can move his neck.
2509
01:44:59,912 --> 01:45:01,545
Okay, look, look, look.
2510
01:45:02,712 --> 01:45:05,278
The Ripper is fed from
a secure chamber below ground.
2511
01:45:05,311 --> 01:45:08,344
It is powered by twin matter
and anti-matter feeds
2512
01:45:08,377 --> 01:45:09,811
converging inside the device.
2513
01:45:09,844 --> 01:45:10,677
Now, Cassandra Nova
2514
01:45:10,711 --> 01:45:12,011
is redirecting
the Ripper's power
2515
01:45:12,044 --> 01:45:14,377
to eliminate all timelines,
starting with this one.
2516
01:45:14,410 --> 01:45:15,779
Theoretically,
you could stop her
2517
01:45:15,812 --> 01:45:17,778
by short-circuiting the feeds
in the chamber below.
2518
01:45:17,811 --> 01:45:20,409
One of you were to create a
circuit between the two feeds,
2519
01:45:20,443 --> 01:45:23,743
then the released power
would destroy the machine.
2520
01:45:23,777 --> 01:45:25,577
- But, well... But...
- [Deadpool] Come on, man.
2521
01:45:25,611 --> 01:45:27,711
If you're not gonna swallow,
spit it out.
2522
01:45:27,744 --> 01:45:31,077
Whoever formed the bridge
would be annihilated.
2523
01:45:31,110 --> 01:45:32,443
I could live with that.
2524
01:45:32,476 --> 01:45:33,810
[Deadpool] Yeah, I could live
with that, too, actually.
2525
01:45:33,843 --> 01:45:35,309
You know, we survive anything.
We're like cockroaches.
2526
01:45:35,343 --> 01:45:36,244
- [Deadpool chuckles]
- [Mr. Paradox] Not this time.
2527
01:45:36,276 --> 01:45:38,643
This is matter and anti-matter.
2528
01:45:38,676 --> 01:45:40,710
They do not play nicely
with each other.
2529
01:45:40,743 --> 01:45:44,209
When they mix in your body,
you will be atomized.
2530
01:45:44,243 --> 01:45:46,309
Trust the laws of physics
if you don't trust me.
2531
01:45:46,343 --> 01:45:48,476
Even if you lived long enough
to make the circuit,
2532
01:45:48,510 --> 01:45:51,342
you will die down there.
2533
01:45:56,877 --> 01:45:58,009
[crackling]
2534
01:46:05,576 --> 01:46:07,976
[♪ dramatic choral
music playing]
2535
01:46:08,009 --> 01:46:09,408
[moaning]
2536
01:46:16,442 --> 01:46:18,008
[Wolverine] Hold off. Hold.
2537
01:46:18,041 --> 01:46:19,542
You heard that asshole upstairs.
2538
01:46:19,575 --> 01:46:24,273
Even if we pull this off,
we're dead. Permanently.
2539
01:46:24,306 --> 01:46:26,542
- That's why it's got to be me.
- What?
2540
01:46:30,306 --> 01:46:32,306
Look, man... [panting]
2541
01:46:32,340 --> 01:46:34,673
you didn't ask for any of this.
2542
01:46:34,707 --> 01:46:36,040
You were right.
2543
01:46:36,075 --> 01:46:37,273
I lied.
2544
01:46:37,974 --> 01:46:39,641
I lied right to your face
2545
01:46:39,673 --> 01:46:41,774
just to get you to help me.
And you did.
2546
01:46:42,707 --> 01:46:44,272
You didn't lie.
2547
01:46:46,073 --> 01:46:47,573
You made an educated wish.
2548
01:46:50,640 --> 01:46:51,640
Come on.
2549
01:46:52,640 --> 01:46:54,639
You got a whole world
to go back to.
2550
01:46:56,140 --> 01:46:57,339
I got nothin'.
2551
01:46:59,272 --> 01:47:00,473
I got nothin'.
2552
01:47:05,338 --> 01:47:06,539
Give me this.
2553
01:47:13,572 --> 01:47:14,738
Hey.
2554
01:47:19,139 --> 01:47:21,005
I waited a long time
for this team-up.
2555
01:47:23,239 --> 01:47:24,505
You know something?
2556
01:47:26,238 --> 01:47:27,838
You were the best Wolverine.
2557
01:47:28,605 --> 01:47:30,805
[♪ sentimental music playing]
2558
01:47:36,537 --> 01:47:38,571
Say hi to your friends for me.
2559
01:47:47,237 --> 01:47:48,505
[Wolverine grunts]
2560
01:47:50,737 --> 01:47:51,771
No!
2561
01:47:51,804 --> 01:47:53,003
Open the door!
2562
01:47:53,036 --> 01:47:55,537
[Deadpool] I can't hear you
over all the noble sacrifice.
2563
01:47:55,570 --> 01:47:57,170
Why are you fucking doing this?
2564
01:47:57,203 --> 01:48:00,303
[Deadpool]
Because I'm Marvel Jesus.
2565
01:48:01,870 --> 01:48:02,870
Or Spock.
2566
01:48:04,070 --> 01:48:05,103
Hard to say.
2567
01:48:05,137 --> 01:48:06,469
[glass squeaks]
2568
01:48:07,736 --> 01:48:08,836
[smooches]
2569
01:48:09,770 --> 01:48:11,203
[Wolverine] Wade!
2570
01:48:11,237 --> 01:48:13,402
You fucking idiot!
2571
01:48:17,268 --> 01:48:20,069
[Deadpool laughs]
Sorry, I'm just stalling.
2572
01:48:20,102 --> 01:48:22,002
I think I'm nervous about dying.
2573
01:48:22,869 --> 01:48:24,502
This should be me.
2574
01:48:24,535 --> 01:48:26,335
[Deadpool] Say hi to
my friends for me, peanut.
2575
01:48:26,368 --> 01:48:27,635
[Wolverine] Wade!
2576
01:48:27,668 --> 01:48:29,668
You want to be an
annoying prick, do it this side!
2577
01:48:29,702 --> 01:48:31,935
You're gonna die in there,
you dumb fuck!
2578
01:48:31,969 --> 01:48:33,468
[breathing heavily]
2579
01:48:38,702 --> 01:48:40,769
Hey! You don't need
to do this.
2580
01:48:40,802 --> 01:48:42,702
[Deadpool] I'm not doing it
'cause I need it.
2581
01:48:43,535 --> 01:48:45,834
I'm doing it because they do.
2582
01:48:45,868 --> 01:48:47,001
[grunts]
2583
01:48:49,268 --> 01:48:51,034
[straining]
2584
01:48:56,701 --> 01:48:57,900
No!
2585
01:48:58,833 --> 01:48:59,968
[grunting]
2586
01:49:02,100 --> 01:49:03,667
[straining]
2587
01:49:11,566 --> 01:49:12,600
[grunts]
2588
01:49:14,266 --> 01:49:15,867
[straining]
2589
01:49:22,299 --> 01:49:23,666
[exhales]
2590
01:49:24,399 --> 01:49:25,699
[continues straining]
2591
01:49:27,166 --> 01:49:28,766
He's not gonna make it.
2592
01:49:32,166 --> 01:49:33,532
[strains]
2593
01:49:37,332 --> 01:49:38,599
It's over.
2594
01:49:40,266 --> 01:49:41,465
[grunts]
2595
01:49:42,165 --> 01:49:43,499
[straining]
2596
01:49:46,765 --> 01:49:48,331
[continues straining]
2597
01:49:51,199 --> 01:49:52,332
[screaming]
2598
01:49:52,365 --> 01:49:53,432
[choir]
♪ When you call my name ♪
2599
01:49:53,464 --> 01:49:55,364
♪ It's like a little prayer ♪
2600
01:49:55,397 --> 01:49:57,464
♪ I'm down on my knees ♪
2601
01:49:57,498 --> 01:49:59,730
♪ I want to take you there ♪
2602
01:49:59,764 --> 01:50:03,664
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2603
01:50:03,698 --> 01:50:06,930
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2604
01:50:06,964 --> 01:50:08,097
[grunting]
2605
01:50:08,131 --> 01:50:10,030
♪ Take you there ♪
2606
01:50:10,063 --> 01:50:14,131
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2607
01:50:14,165 --> 01:50:17,063
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2608
01:50:17,096 --> 01:50:18,829
[straining]
2609
01:50:18,863 --> 01:50:22,530
- ♪ I hear you call my name ♪
- [grunting]
2610
01:50:22,563 --> 01:50:24,563
- ♪ And it feels like ♪
- [straining]
2611
01:50:26,896 --> 01:50:30,896
- ♪ And it feels like home ♪
- [straining]
2612
01:50:30,930 --> 01:50:32,430
[rumbling]
2613
01:50:39,028 --> 01:50:40,628
[yelling]
2614
01:50:41,062 --> 01:50:42,662
[screaming]
2615
01:50:44,729 --> 01:50:45,928
[♪ music fades]
2616
01:50:45,962 --> 01:50:47,429
[Deadpool] The Wolverine.
2617
01:50:48,295 --> 01:50:50,328
He's a hero in my world.
2618
01:50:52,362 --> 01:50:53,496
[Wolverine] Whoever
you think I am,
2619
01:50:53,529 --> 01:50:54,962
you got the wrong guy.
2620
01:50:56,394 --> 01:50:58,394
[Laura] You were always
the wrong guy...
2621
01:50:59,827 --> 01:51:00,861
till you weren't.
2622
01:51:00,894 --> 01:51:03,328
♪ Life is a mystery ♪
2623
01:51:03,361 --> 01:51:04,762
[Mr. Paradox] Wade.
2624
01:51:04,795 --> 01:51:06,794
♪ Everyone must stand alone ♪
2625
01:51:06,827 --> 01:51:11,293
Wade. You can finally,
finally matter.
2626
01:51:11,327 --> 01:51:13,461
♪ I hear you call my name ♪
2627
01:51:13,495 --> 01:51:17,927
♪ And it feels like ♪
2628
01:51:18,861 --> 01:51:22,694
♪ Home ♪
2629
01:51:22,727 --> 01:51:24,027
[straining]
2630
01:51:24,061 --> 01:51:27,094
♪ I hear your voice ♪
2631
01:51:27,128 --> 01:51:28,393
Vanessa.
2632
01:51:28,427 --> 01:51:30,926
♪ It's like an angel sighing ♪
2633
01:51:30,960 --> 01:51:32,327
I wanna see Vanessa.
2634
01:51:32,360 --> 01:51:36,593
♪ I have no choice
I hear your voice ♪
2635
01:51:36,626 --> 01:51:38,826
♪ Feels like flying ♪
2636
01:51:38,860 --> 01:51:43,427
For the first time in my life,
I am proud to wear this suit.
2637
01:51:44,392 --> 01:51:46,326
It means I'm an X-Man.
2638
01:51:48,725 --> 01:51:50,193
I am the X-Man.
2639
01:51:50,227 --> 01:51:52,127
♪ I can feel your power ♪
2640
01:51:52,160 --> 01:51:55,859
♪ Just like a prayer
You know I'll take you there ♪
2641
01:51:55,892 --> 01:51:57,093
[screaming]
2642
01:51:57,127 --> 01:52:00,425
♪ When you call my name
It's like a little prayer ♪
2643
01:52:00,458 --> 01:52:02,959
♪ I'm down on my knees ♪
2644
01:52:02,992 --> 01:52:04,625
[screaming]
2645
01:52:04,658 --> 01:52:08,525
♪ In the midnight hour
I can feel your power ♪
2646
01:52:08,558 --> 01:52:10,092
♪ Just like a prayer ♪
2647
01:52:10,126 --> 01:52:14,025
♪ You know I'll take you,
take you, take you ♪
2648
01:52:16,358 --> 01:52:17,657
[♪ song fades out]
2649
01:52:24,891 --> 01:52:26,891
[♪ solemn music playing]
2650
01:52:34,225 --> 01:52:35,857
[woman] Paradox.
2651
01:52:37,723 --> 01:52:39,158
You've been busy.
2652
01:52:39,191 --> 01:52:40,423
Well, somebody had to be.
2653
01:52:40,456 --> 01:52:42,323
We had some strange readings
from this location.
2654
01:52:42,356 --> 01:52:43,556
You wouldn't know anything about
2655
01:52:43,590 --> 01:52:46,091
an unsanctioned Time Ripper,
would you?
2656
01:52:46,125 --> 01:52:47,723
Uh, no. No.
I wouldn't know anything
2657
01:52:47,757 --> 01:52:49,423
about an unsanctioned
Time Ripper.
2658
01:52:49,456 --> 01:52:51,157
Maybe you should ask
Cassandra Nova.
2659
01:52:51,190 --> 01:52:52,323
Because I was assured
2660
01:52:52,356 --> 01:52:54,757
that she was safely held
in The Void. But no,
2661
01:52:54,790 --> 01:52:57,023
she was here.
And she fondled my brain.
2662
01:52:57,057 --> 01:52:59,323
- How did you let this happen?
- You weren't involved at all?
2663
01:52:59,356 --> 01:53:02,056
In stopping her, yes!
Yes, I was.
2664
01:53:02,089 --> 01:53:03,622
But not nearly enough.
2665
01:53:03,655 --> 01:53:06,023
Not as much as the men
who went down there after her.
2666
01:53:06,756 --> 01:53:07,822
My men.
2667
01:53:08,622 --> 01:53:09,622
My friends.
2668
01:53:10,955 --> 01:53:12,123
I warned them.
2669
01:53:12,156 --> 01:53:13,621
That they would be completely
obliterated if they went.
2670
01:53:13,654 --> 01:53:15,388
But they went anyway. Like...
2671
01:53:17,022 --> 01:53:18,422
Like heroes.
2672
01:53:18,455 --> 01:53:20,156
[♪ somber music playing]
2673
01:53:20,189 --> 01:53:21,921
Because that's who they were.
2674
01:53:24,622 --> 01:53:26,355
They just did
what they had to do.
2675
01:53:27,488 --> 01:53:29,354
With no concern
for their own safety.
2676
01:53:32,653 --> 01:53:36,188
The fact that we are
all still standing here
2677
01:53:36,222 --> 01:53:39,021
is a testament to their heroism.
2678
01:53:42,587 --> 01:53:44,020
Anyway, there's nothing
you or I can do
2679
01:53:44,054 --> 01:53:45,287
to bring them back now.
2680
01:53:46,754 --> 01:53:48,854
[Deadpool] He has risen,
baby girl.
2681
01:53:48,887 --> 01:53:49,955
Fuck!
2682
01:53:49,988 --> 01:53:54,452
♪ And I don't want
the world to see me ♪
2683
01:53:54,486 --> 01:53:59,353
♪ 'Cause I don't think
that they'd understand ♪
2684
01:53:59,386 --> 01:54:03,486
♪ When everything's
made to be broken ♪
2685
01:54:03,519 --> 01:54:09,285
♪ I just want you
to know who I am ♪
2686
01:54:09,319 --> 01:54:10,519
[Deadpool]
Found your new Anchor Being.
2687
01:54:10,552 --> 01:54:13,352
And we're doing just fine,
you piece of shit.
2688
01:54:13,385 --> 01:54:14,919
- [female TVA agent] Mm.
- [male TVA agent] Mm-hmm.
2689
01:54:14,953 --> 01:54:16,419
Fine indeed.
2690
01:54:16,452 --> 01:54:19,352
[Deadpool] All right.
Put your greasy tits away,
2691
01:54:19,385 --> 01:54:20,452
you preening slut.
2692
01:54:20,486 --> 01:54:22,953
- [sighs]
- I don't understand.
2693
01:54:22,986 --> 01:54:24,418
How are you two still alive?
2694
01:54:24,451 --> 01:54:26,319
[Deadpool] You were right. One
of us would have been killed.
2695
01:54:26,352 --> 01:54:28,153
- [gasps]
- But you put a Deadpool
2696
01:54:28,186 --> 01:54:29,518
and a Wolverine together,
2697
01:54:29,551 --> 01:54:31,918
make 'em hold hands
while listening to Madonna...
2698
01:54:31,952 --> 01:54:34,384
indestructible, motherfucker.
2699
01:54:34,418 --> 01:54:36,485
Let's get this Deadpool
Variant back to The Void.
2700
01:54:36,518 --> 01:54:37,818
[Deadpool] Wait, hold on.
What?
2701
01:54:37,852 --> 01:54:38,886
[Peter] Nope. Actually...
2702
01:54:38,918 --> 01:54:40,650
This one's homegrown, like me.
2703
01:54:40,684 --> 01:54:41,985
He belongs here.
2704
01:54:42,018 --> 01:54:43,052
And you are?
2705
01:54:43,085 --> 01:54:45,817
Peterpool.
But you can call me Peter.
2706
01:54:47,318 --> 01:54:48,617
And I hope that you do.
2707
01:54:54,750 --> 01:54:56,382
What the fuck is happening here?
2708
01:54:56,417 --> 01:54:58,250
You are under judgment
2709
01:54:58,283 --> 01:55:00,283
for operating
an unsanctioned Time Ripper.
2710
01:55:00,317 --> 01:55:01,484
- Take him.
- I was just doing what
2711
01:55:01,517 --> 01:55:03,118
you don't have the guts to do.
2712
01:55:03,151 --> 01:55:04,217
[Deadpool smooches]
2713
01:55:04,249 --> 01:55:07,017
Get your insolent hands
off me! Get off!
2714
01:55:08,218 --> 01:55:09,951
I'm grateful, gentlemen.
2715
01:55:10,816 --> 01:55:11,816
Let's hold the bows.
2716
01:55:11,851 --> 01:55:14,449
You led an Omega-level mutant
to this timeline.
2717
01:55:14,483 --> 01:55:16,150
- [Deadpool] You're welcome.
- And you
2718
01:55:16,183 --> 01:55:17,649
shouldn't even be
near this timeline.
2719
01:55:17,683 --> 01:55:19,950
- [Deadpool] He's welcome.
- And you
2720
01:55:19,983 --> 01:55:21,815
look damn good in that suit.
2721
01:55:21,850 --> 01:55:22,950
I'm so sorry.
2722
01:55:23,715 --> 01:55:24,850
[device beeping]
2723
01:55:27,349 --> 01:55:28,983
I wanna show you something.
2724
01:55:30,050 --> 01:55:31,348
Something huge.
2725
01:55:31,381 --> 01:55:33,315
[Deadpool] That's what
Scoutmaster Kevin used to say.
2726
01:55:34,815 --> 01:55:36,381
Do you see that?
2727
01:55:36,415 --> 01:55:38,281
Your universe is regenerating.
2728
01:55:39,149 --> 01:55:40,915
Whatever you did here,
2729
01:55:40,949 --> 01:55:43,248
you not only saved your world.
2730
01:55:43,281 --> 01:55:45,781
You spared your timeline
from extinction.
2731
01:55:47,648 --> 01:55:48,815
I'd rest up.
2732
01:55:48,849 --> 01:55:51,281
I have a feeling your work
is only just getting started.
2733
01:55:51,315 --> 01:55:53,647
[Deadpool whispers]
Till you're 90.
2734
01:55:53,681 --> 01:55:55,414
Wait! Um...
2735
01:55:55,447 --> 01:55:59,049
We couldn't have made it out
of The Void without some help
2736
01:55:59,082 --> 01:56:02,014
from some people
that the world kind of...
2737
01:56:02,048 --> 01:56:03,347
kind of forgot.
2738
01:56:03,380 --> 01:56:05,981
Is there any way that
you could maybe find a way
2739
01:56:06,014 --> 01:56:07,346
to bring them home?
2740
01:56:08,948 --> 01:56:10,280
I'll see what I can do.
2741
01:56:10,314 --> 01:56:12,814
[Deadpool] And, um,
I promised my friend here
2742
01:56:12,848 --> 01:56:15,613
that the TVA could undo
some pretty awful shit
2743
01:56:15,646 --> 01:56:16,513
in his timeline.
2744
01:56:16,546 --> 01:56:18,013
What would you say to that?
2745
01:56:18,047 --> 01:56:19,546
Change the past?
2746
01:56:19,580 --> 01:56:21,848
[Deadpool] Well, he did
help me save the world.
2747
01:56:21,881 --> 01:56:24,480
And his past made him
the man who did it.
2748
01:56:25,346 --> 01:56:27,746
There's nothing to fix,
Mr. Wilson.
2749
01:56:29,114 --> 01:56:30,346
Logan.
2750
01:56:33,712 --> 01:56:35,579
- [Deadpool] Shawarma? Yeah.
- I could eat.
2751
01:56:45,245 --> 01:56:47,678
You know, the Avengers
discovered shawarma.
2752
01:56:48,478 --> 01:56:50,378
They'd be lucky to have you.
2753
01:56:53,979 --> 01:56:55,779
[dog barking]
2754
01:56:57,478 --> 01:56:59,779
- Oh.
- Oh, come on.
2755
01:56:59,812 --> 01:57:00,846
Fuck off!
2756
01:57:01,979 --> 01:57:03,377
Come here, my little cunchkin.
2757
01:57:03,411 --> 01:57:04,945
- [Dogpool barks]
- Yes, it's you.
2758
01:57:04,978 --> 01:57:06,978
You're a survivor.
2759
01:57:07,011 --> 01:57:08,045
Mwah.
2760
01:57:08,078 --> 01:57:09,912
Oh, all is right in the world.
2761
01:57:11,145 --> 01:57:12,344
Yes, it is.
2762
01:57:13,978 --> 01:57:15,310
So what are you gonna do next?
2763
01:57:16,610 --> 01:57:18,810
I'll figure it out.
I always do.
2764
01:57:19,610 --> 01:57:20,711
All right.
2765
01:57:21,643 --> 01:57:23,376
So I'll probably see you around?
2766
01:57:23,410 --> 01:57:25,910
[♪ soul music playing,
"You're All I Need to Get By"]
2767
01:57:28,044 --> 01:57:29,242
Probably not.
2768
01:57:32,310 --> 01:57:33,509
See you, bub.
2769
01:57:43,010 --> 01:57:44,275
[Wade] Logan.
2770
01:57:50,677 --> 01:57:52,409
Al. I'm back.
2771
01:57:52,876 --> 01:57:54,342
About damn time.
2772
01:57:54,375 --> 01:57:57,175
You holdin'? I'm all outta
devil's dandruff,
2773
01:57:57,209 --> 01:57:59,374
and I'm shaking
like an angry vibrator.
2774
01:57:59,408 --> 01:58:01,309
Thank you, Al.
We have company.
2775
01:58:02,009 --> 01:58:03,608
Althea, this is...
2776
01:58:04,209 --> 01:58:05,441
This is Logan.
2777
01:58:05,475 --> 01:58:07,508
- Nice to meet you, Logan.
- Nice to meet you, too.
2778
01:58:07,540 --> 01:58:11,175
And this little ancient anal
shit-knot is Mary Puppins.
2779
01:58:11,209 --> 01:58:13,641
Or as I like to call her,
Dogpool.
2780
01:58:13,675 --> 01:58:15,607
You want to treat yourself
to a little stroke?
2781
01:58:16,942 --> 01:58:20,074
- Get the tongue. There it is.
- Oh, my God! Motherfucker!
2782
01:58:20,108 --> 01:58:24,109
Right? It's like an armadillo
fucked a gremlin, angrily,
2783
01:58:24,141 --> 01:58:25,941
- in a bed of gonorrhea...
- Wow.
2784
01:58:25,974 --> 01:58:28,273
...and didn't stop till
the sun came up. [chuckles]
2785
01:58:29,307 --> 01:58:31,675
Everyone wants to matter.
2786
01:58:31,708 --> 01:58:35,041
Turns out that you don't need
to be Marvel Jesus to do it.
2787
01:58:35,074 --> 01:58:37,674
You just need to open
your eyes and look around.
2788
01:58:38,239 --> 01:58:39,439
And if you're lucky,
2789
01:58:40,239 --> 01:58:42,108
you'll find a few friends.
2790
01:58:42,141 --> 01:58:43,439
Old friends,
2791
01:58:44,272 --> 01:58:46,006
and some new ones too.
2792
01:58:47,674 --> 01:58:48,806
[laughter]
2793
01:58:50,572 --> 01:58:52,741
Give me the fucking dog.
Talk to the girl.
2794
01:58:57,405 --> 01:58:58,873
[indistinct chatter]
2795
01:59:03,107 --> 01:59:04,305
Oh, hi.
2796
01:59:04,338 --> 01:59:06,438
- Hi.
- [both laugh]
2797
01:59:06,472 --> 01:59:08,039
[Wade clears throat]
2798
01:59:08,072 --> 01:59:09,271
You've been busy.
2799
01:59:12,139 --> 01:59:13,740
I did it for you.
2800
01:59:15,572 --> 01:59:18,206
And even if you don't want me,
I... I did it for you.
2801
01:59:27,337 --> 01:59:29,071
Turns out,
2802
01:59:29,105 --> 01:59:31,336
I am the world-saving type.
2803
01:59:31,369 --> 01:59:33,572
Just look around this table
if you want proof.
2804
01:59:34,370 --> 01:59:35,572
And the best part?
2805
01:59:36,304 --> 01:59:38,304
Sometimes the people we save,
2806
01:59:39,138 --> 01:59:41,070
they save us right back.
2807
01:59:41,104 --> 01:59:42,572
[♪ "You're All I Need
to Get By" continues playing]
2808
01:59:42,605 --> 01:59:46,536
♪ We've got
the right foundation ♪
2809
01:59:46,571 --> 01:59:51,303
♪ And with the love
and determination ♪
2810
01:59:51,336 --> 01:59:56,637
♪ You're all,
you're all I need ♪
2811
01:59:56,670 --> 02:00:02,136
♪ You're all,
you're all I need ♪
2812
02:00:02,169 --> 02:00:04,170
♪ You're all ♪
2813
02:00:04,204 --> 02:00:08,869
♪ You're all
I need to get by ♪
2814
02:00:12,268 --> 02:00:15,869
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
2815
02:00:15,902 --> 02:00:18,902
[♪ alt. rock music plays,
Green Day "Time of Your Life"]
2816
02:00:20,635 --> 02:00:23,035
[Charles] You're not
the only one with gifts.
2817
02:00:23,068 --> 02:00:24,402
What is this place?
2818
02:00:34,502 --> 02:00:39,501
♪ Another turning point,
a fork stuck in the road ♪
2819
02:00:39,534 --> 02:00:43,801
♪ Time grabs you by the wrist,
directs you where to go ♪
2820
02:00:43,835 --> 02:00:45,102
[groans]
2821
02:00:45,135 --> 02:00:49,233
♪ So make the best of this
test and don't ask why ♪
2822
02:00:49,266 --> 02:00:53,167
♪ It's not a question, but
a lesson learned in time ♪
2823
02:00:53,201 --> 02:00:55,102
- Nice suit.
- Zip it, Stan Lee.
2824
02:00:55,134 --> 02:00:56,400
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2825
02:00:56,433 --> 02:00:59,000
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2826
02:00:59,034 --> 02:01:02,800
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2827
02:01:02,834 --> 02:01:04,000
[laughter]
2828
02:01:04,034 --> 02:01:06,468
I really like the, uh... the
art in the Deadpool comics.
2829
02:01:06,500 --> 02:01:08,800
You know, I just always felt
a kind of a kinship to him.
2830
02:01:08,834 --> 02:01:11,700
And I just thought, I'd like
to play that guy someday.
2831
02:01:11,733 --> 02:01:17,033
♪ So take the photographs and
still frames in your mind ♪
2832
02:01:17,066 --> 02:01:21,899
♪ Hang it on a shelf in
good health and good time ♪
2833
02:01:21,933 --> 02:01:26,833
♪ Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial ♪
2834
02:01:26,866 --> 02:01:29,766
♪ For what it's worth,
it was worth ♪
2835
02:01:29,799 --> 02:01:31,932
- ♪ All the while ♪
- [applause]
2836
02:01:31,965 --> 02:01:33,065
[cheering]
2837
02:01:33,099 --> 02:01:34,264
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2838
02:01:34,298 --> 02:01:36,532
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2839
02:01:36,566 --> 02:01:40,132
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life... ♪
2840
02:01:40,165 --> 02:01:43,431
I was there for three weeks
before I shot a single thing.
2841
02:01:43,465 --> 02:01:45,699
At our first day of shooting,
2842
02:01:45,733 --> 02:01:47,565
I was so nervous, man.
2843
02:01:47,598 --> 02:01:49,765
Everyone was sort of going,
"Who's this guy?"
2844
02:01:49,798 --> 02:01:51,765
You know,
there was a lot of that and,
2845
02:01:51,798 --> 02:01:53,363
you know,
"Is he gonna deliver or not?"
2846
02:01:53,397 --> 02:01:55,565
You can feel
all that kind of pressure.
2847
02:01:56,631 --> 02:01:59,964
It's always the suit's fault.
Never the actor.
2848
02:02:07,630 --> 02:02:08,464
[screaming]
2849
02:02:08,497 --> 02:02:10,164
- This is...
- The only way.
2850
02:02:10,198 --> 02:02:12,664
♪ It's something
unpredictable ♪
2851
02:02:12,697 --> 02:02:14,796
♪ But in the end is right ♪
2852
02:02:14,830 --> 02:02:19,296
♪ I hope you had
the time of your life ♪
2853
02:02:19,329 --> 02:02:21,629
Ah, so this is
what it feels like.
2854
02:02:24,063 --> 02:02:25,864
And there's the lights.
2855
02:02:25,897 --> 02:02:27,564
For medical research.
2856
02:02:27,597 --> 02:02:29,696
- Bye-bye, video. [smooches]
- [man] Bye.
2857
02:02:29,730 --> 02:02:30,730
[♪ song ends]
2858
02:02:35,196 --> 02:02:37,396
[♪ instrumental music playing]
2859
02:06:43,351 --> 02:06:46,118
[Deadpool] I'm tired of
these absolutely vile rumors
2860
02:06:46,151 --> 02:06:47,451
that I got Johnny killed.
2861
02:06:48,317 --> 02:06:49,550
Let's look at the tape.
2862
02:06:50,750 --> 02:06:51,984
In The Void,
2863
02:06:52,018 --> 02:06:53,950
you're either food for Alioth
2864
02:06:53,983 --> 02:06:55,284
or you work for her.
2865
02:06:58,217 --> 02:06:59,550
[Deadpool] Go on, Johnny.
2866
02:06:59,583 --> 02:07:01,216
And I'll tell you who "her" is.
2867
02:07:01,249 --> 02:07:02,284
Cassandra Nova.
2868
02:07:02,317 --> 02:07:04,550
A megalomaniacal,
psychotic asshole.
2869
02:07:04,583 --> 02:07:06,616
A finger licking
dead-inside pixie slab
2870
02:07:06,650 --> 02:07:08,749
of third rate dime-store
nut-milk. And I'll tell you
2871
02:07:08,782 --> 02:07:10,216
- what she can do.
- [Deadpool] I'm listening.
2872
02:07:10,249 --> 02:07:12,118
She can lick my goddamn
cinnamon ring clean
2873
02:07:12,151 --> 02:07:13,783
and kick rocks
all the way to bald hell.
2874
02:07:13,817 --> 02:07:16,283
In fact, I don't give a shit
if she removes all my skin
2875
02:07:16,316 --> 02:07:18,316
and pops me like some
nightmarish blood balloon.
2876
02:07:18,348 --> 02:07:19,449
If the last thing I do
2877
02:07:19,482 --> 02:07:21,415
in this godforsaken
cum-gutter existence
2878
02:07:21,449 --> 02:07:23,117
is light that fuck-box on fire,
2879
02:07:23,150 --> 02:07:24,316
I still won't die happy.
2880
02:07:24,349 --> 02:07:25,982
[Deadpool laughs]
Holy shit, girl. You crazy.
2881
02:07:26,016 --> 02:07:28,615
That's right, Wade. I won't
be happy until I've urinated
2882
02:07:28,649 --> 02:07:30,215
on her freshly barbecued corpse
2883
02:07:30,248 --> 02:07:32,049
and husk-fucked
the charred remains
2884
02:07:32,084 --> 02:07:33,982
while gargling
Juggernaut's juggernuts.
2885
02:07:34,016 --> 02:07:35,615
- [Deadpool] Wow!
- And you can quote me.
2886
02:07:35,649 --> 02:07:37,083
[Deadpool] 'Kay.
2887
02:07:37,116 --> 02:07:38,548
Got you, fuckface.